


What's Eating Draco Malfoy?

by i8thecookie



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Anorexia Nervosa, BPD, Black Hermione, Borderline Personality Disorder, Drama, Drug Use, ED Recovery, Eating Disorders, F/F, F/M, Fluff, HP: EWE, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Marijuana, Mental Illnesses, Might add more tags later on holy fuck this looks like a train wreck, Minor Character Death, Orthorexia Nervosa, Post-War, Recovery, Slow Burn, Suicide, There's a lot of Ginny/Malfoy friendship, but the darry part comes later I Promise!!!, desi harry, like a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2018-03-01
Packaged: 2018-12-23 15:06:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 74,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11992257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i8thecookie/pseuds/i8thecookie
Summary: "Tragedy struck today when Anorexia Nervosa claimed a young boy's life," he spoke loudly. "Very sad. He will be missed by one person, maybe two. Awful. Now to the weather with Bill!"Ginny could not help herself, she burst out laughing. She didn’t know what was more absurd. The way Malfoy joked about his own death or the fact that he had watched muggle TV. Muggle news even."You're a bloody lunatic!" She snorted and Malfoy's smile widened."Darling," he said in a posh voice. "We're all bloody lunatics, that's why we're here in the first place." He started to stand up. "Now that you're here, that goes for you too." He started walking away from her, slowly tilting his head as he spoke over his shoulder."Welcome to the loony bin, Weaslette!"





	1. Ginny

**Author's Note:**

> Hey demons it me, yaa boi. I lost my job and been drowning my sorrows in writing. I've been working my ass off with this fic bc when I started writing I was like oh yeah this is a good way to write something truly meaningful while working through my own emotional issues but now I'm scared to post it bc it feels like I've been staring at it for too long and now all I see are flaws and errors and just yeah idk. 
> 
> A few thinks to keep in mind before reading:
> 
> \- don't read if you're easily triggered by things related to eating disorders. 
> 
> \- don't read if you're easily triggered by thing relating to other mental illnesses.
> 
> \- i don't know what the psychiatric health care is like in great Britain, everything is based on my personal experiences with being hospitalized.(in sweden)
> 
> \- this is purely written from my point of view. Everyone experiences mental illness differently! 
> 
> \- I have never been treated for my eating disorder as it comes and goes with my bipolar illness. I still tried my best to make it realistic, relatable and not romanticise the whole thing.
> 
> \- I am not making fun of any one!!! Humor is how I cope with my life. And like I said. THis is based on my experience.
> 
> \- apologies for my English. It's not native language but I've tried my best correct any spelling and grammar errors.
> 
> \- i don't mean to stereotype anyone. These are just my personal experiences and some of these things have happened to me or a friend. I'm doing my best to keep it real while representing these characters.
> 
> \- when I use terms like "crazy" and "loony" I don't mean that in an ableist way. I think I've inserted myself a lot in to the characters and most of it is based on my own thoughts and things I've said about myself I guess. I think there's a different between actually mentally ill ppl joking about their condition than mentally healthy ppl say stuff like "I'm so bipolar today omg" or "I totally have OCD bc I totally always need to clean lmao" and "omg this person totally schitzo!!" So i hope you know where I'm coming from.
> 
>  
> 
> So yah. Enjoy the first chapter and I hope you like it enough to stick around for the rest.

 

***

1

*****

When it first had started to happen, surprisingly, Ron Weasley had been the first one to notice. So naturally, when he tried to bring it up to his family and friends, they waved him off.

"She just trying to be the best she can be," Harry Potter had said.

"I think it's great that she's eating healthy and working out. I really don't see the problem." Hermione Granger had said, shrugging her shoulders.

George Weasley had raised an eyebrow at him before speaking. "I think you're just jealous, cause Ginny's getting in shape and you're getting chubby."

At that, Ron's mouth had fallen open and he started to spurt out protests.

"It's just a phase!" Molly Weasley had said. "She's just trying to get in shape for the tournament."

After that, he let it go. That's when everyone else started noticing it. The way Ginny Weasley seemed to have dropped more and more weight every time they saw her.

The way she would obsessively go through every single ingredient that went it to the meal just determine if was healthy enough every time they ate with her. The way she would constantly push herself to the limit every day when she worked out. She was getting skinnier, paler and weaker by the minute. The breaking point had been when Ginny and Hermione had gone shopping and Hermione had sneaked a glance from the thin gap between the sheets of the dressing room drapes. Her ribs and her hipbones stuck out in an exaggerated manner. Her collarbones were easily seen. Even her spine stuck out in a way that almost made her look inhuman.

That's when everyone decided it was time for an intervention. Ginny quickly waved off everything they said, telling them that they were being "ridiculous" and "overreacting". She spoke, joked and even laughed at the whole thing. Until Molly threatened to tell the team captain of the Harpies, promising Ginny that she would make sure they didn't let her play until she got better.

Ginny was furious. How could they come with such idiotic accusations and then threaten her career. They literally had to stun her that night to keep her from exercising right after dinner.

After a lot of screaming, bargaining  and crying Ginny finally agreed on getting help, as long as they promised that she could play Quidditch if she got better.

The day after, the Weasleys, along with Harry and Hermione took Ginny to the psychiatric ward at St. Mungo's Hospital. There she got to meet a small group of healers who specialised in eating disorders. After a few hours of running tests, taking a few blood samples and weighing her they concluded that her life was not in immediate danger, but if she kept going like this she would soon be facing deadly consequences. They asked her if she was okay with being hospitalized to for a few months to help her get started with recovery. Ginny's eyes widened. She wanted to immediately turn down the offer and just go home, but she knew she couldn't.

She wanted to get better, she really did, and not just for the sake of playing Quidditch, but for her own sanity as well. But she was terrified. She had never before been hospitalized for any longer than a few days and even thinking about being there for a few months and in the psychiatric ward of all places made her feel sick. Still, she begrudgingly accepted the offer and the healers exited the examining room to give the family some privacy before checking the new patient in.

The second they were left alone Ginny threw herself into her mother's arms, sobbing hysterically.

"I'm scared," she whispered, shaking as her mother embraced her tightly.

 "Don't be, sweetheart. It's for your own good," she said in a steady voice, but everyone could hear how sorrowful she sounded. "You'll get all the help you need here and you can just try and take it easy and really focus on getting better," Molly wiped a few tears away from Ginny's cheeks as the youngest Weasley slowly let go of her mother, nodding as she spoke.

"We'll visit you every day, if that's what you need us to do," Arthur said, placing a hand on Ginny's shoulder. She put her own hand over her father's and squeezed it tightly.

"You don't have to do that," Ginny finally spoke. "Maybe a few times a month, but not every day."

She didn't tell them it was because she didn't want them to have to witness her struggle. She didn't want them to realise how bad it actually was. How food and exercise had been the only thing on her mind for the past eight months. She didn't want them to witness the panic attacks she got from eating something that wasn't considered healthy and had too many calories. She didn't want them to witness her chew and spit tactics. She didn't want them to witness her purging.

Because all of those things were things Ginny did, but her family had no idea of it. They only seemed to think she was eating a little and training a lot. But it went so much deeper than that. Everything was way more fucked up. More disordered.

 She had known it was going to be hard, but it only just seemed to dawn on her exactly how hard. She was going to be forced to eat, not exercises too much and worst of all, she would have to gain weight. That was the hardest part. She needed to reach a certain number on the scale before she could be discharged. Before she could play Quidditch again. The tournament was eight months away. If she really put her mind into it, she was certain she could do it. Her only worry was the emotional trauma she would have to go through while eating and gaining.

 Soon the time came for her family to head home. They all got up and hugged her.

"I'll come by tomorrow with a few clothes and other necessities," Hermione promised as she wrapped her arms around Ginny's small frame. "Anything you want I'll bring it, just say the word and I'll get it to you in a flash." Ginny nodded and gave Hermione a grateful smile.

"Let us know if you get lonely and want us to come and just sit with you. Anything you need, you tell us, okay?" Ginny almost found it absurd how mature and grown up Ron sounded. He looked deadly serious but at the same she could see the sadness that lingered behind his eyes.

Ginny felt a pang of guilt in her chest. She truly had not realised how much of a toll this had taken on her family. Merlin, she truly felt like a selfish, self-absorbed, self-centred piece of garbage. After everything they had gone through together, this was the last thing her family deserved. Just as she was about to tear up again, George pulled her into a tight hug.

"Get better, sis," he whispered, begging her. "We can't lose you too."

Ginny could no longer contain her emotions and she started to sob uncontrollably into George shoulder. He just stood silently, petting the back of her head in a soothing manner.

After a while he grabbed her by the shoulders, making eye contact. "There, there," he said with a small hint of teasing in his voice. "Stop blubbering, you're getting tears and snot all over me." He laughed when Ginny playfully punched his shoulder, smiling at him through blurry vision and wet cheeks.

Harry came up next to her, offering her tissues. She gratefully accepted it and wiped her nose clean. Still holding the crumpled tissue in her hand she reached out for Harry and pulled him into a hug.  
His arm came up and wrapped around her tiny waist and he held her steady.

"You can do this," he whispered."You can beat this." Ginny nodded slowly and sighed in content when Harry placed a soft kiss on her forehead.

 After waving them off and swallowing the pure dread she felt from being left alone, she was shown around by one of the nurses. She showed Ginny a locker where she was suppose to leave her belongings. The wand was a big no-no in the psychiatric ward. So she put that in there, along with her scarf and her belt (because apparently she could hurt herself or others with them?) as well as her lighter. Smoking was a nasty habit she had picked up from Harry. After leaving her things they put a locking spell over it, informing Ginny that if she wanted anything from there she would have to ask the staff unlock it.

 "The first couple of days you won't be going out," the nurse said. "We want to monitor you and see how you're doing. After that you'll be allowed to go outside, but only with staff or a family member and you can't leave the property. You will earn more and more privileges if your recovery goes well and you follow the rules. If we think it's safe we'll, in the future, let you go home on permission. But you have to be back here the exact given time. If you're late we can revoke your privileges."

Ginny swallowed. This started to sound more and more like a prison rather than a hospital.

"You'll have a weigh-in at the end of every week." The nurse went on. "We want to make sure that you're actually gaining and not losing any while you're  in here."

Ginny nodded. Understandable, but still fucking dreadful, she thought.

They kept walking. "This is the room you'll be staying in." the nurse said and pointed to one of the many rooms. Ginny stopped and took in the sight. It looked just like a normal hospital room. With the typical hospital bed and a tiny-ass closet that would not be able to hold even a month's worth of clothes. There was a small sink by the door and some plastic cups.

"The tap water is clean and perfectly drinkable," the nurse assured her when she saw the look on Ginny's face. She just nodded and gave a weak smile in replay.

By the looks of it she wasn't going to be sleeping alone. There was another bed that stood at the other end of the room, a few feet away from Ginny's bed, with another tiny ass closet next to it. The beds however were well separated by wooden screen on wheels that stood between them, allowing her some privacy. She hadn't realised that someone was sleeping in the other bed until she studied it. She could only see two feet sticking out from under the cover. She tried to catch a better glimpse of the person but the screen was covering the rest of the bed perfectly.

"The bathroom is right outside," the nurse said and gestured to a door right behind Ginny. "Shower as well," she added when Ginny moved to inspect it.

They moved along.

"This is the activity room," the nurse announced, gesturing towards a large room with a few tables, chairs and even a giant sofa. Ginny was more than surprised when she saw the muggle TV.  She hadn't expected that.

"We got a lot of pressure from half-bloods and muggle-borns to bring it in," the nurse said with an amused smile. "You know what it is?"

Ginny nodded. She had seen a TV. Hermione had introduced her to the wonders of movies and TV shows.

"We have a few books here, some board games. Puzzles if you're into that. Paper and pens if you want to draw. Questions?"

Ginny shook her head. They moved along to the cafeteria.

"Breakfast will be served here around 7 am to 8 am. Then lunch between 11 am to 12 pm and then dinner at 5 pm to 6.30 pm. There is always fruit, biscuits, coffee and tea available if you need a snack but we lock the cafeteria at 11 pm. Questions?"

Once again Ginny just shook her head. She started to feel numb to the reality of her situation that seemed to slowly weigh down on her.

"If you need anything or have any questions just come find me, or ask any of the staff members, okay?"

Ginny nodded. The nurse gave her a sympathetic smile.

"We truly care about our patients here. We understand that this is hard for you, but the most important thing right now is you. You need to rest and don't stress. We'll take good care of you, I promise."

Ginny had to admit she felt a bit better hearing her say that.

"Thank you," she mumbled and stalked out of the cafeteria.

Morgana, she needed a cigarette right now. She cursed under her breath when she remembered she wasn't allowed outside. She needed something to distract her. Something that could make her forget for a moment where she was.

She eyed the sofa in activity room and noticed that no one was sitter there. She stalked over to them and sat down, turning on the small TV as she did so. She started to mindlessly scroll through the channels with the remote. They only seemed to have five channels, she mused. Finally she settled on one channel that seemed to be airing a romantic movie in black and white.

She wasn't all that engaged in the plot, just enough to not pay attention to the people around her. A familiar voice however caused her to turn around as it spoke.

"Weaslette?"

She hadn't heard that name in years. She whipped around and came face to face with a fucking skeleton. She swallowed a surprised gasp as she took in the sight of the skeleton. Well, it wasn't literally a skeleton. There was of course skin around the skeleton and it had a familiar face.

Draco Malfoy.

The skin was tight around his face, extending all his pointy features. From the sharp chin to the high cheekbones. His arms and leg looked ridiculously long and were as skinny as twigs, looking half-way ready to snap in two and his were cheeks sunken in. There were visible dark blue bags under his eyes. His hair and thinned out drastically and he looked so much older and not in a good way. He was suppose to be in his late twenties but he looked like he was closer to forty years old. When she looked at his nails she saw that they were purple and blue. Probably from being cold.

His mouth turned into wide grin, causing his dehydrated lips to split at the skin. His eyes however, showed no emotions. No malice, no anger, no sneering. He looked completely empty.

"You look bloody awful!" He said in cheery voice. Ginny flinched and looked hesitantly at him.

"Not looking so hot yourself there, Malfoy." She casually commented. To her surprise, Malfoy started laughing.

"Can't argue with that, Weaslette." He said and took a seat next to her. She side-eyed him cautiously, her mind going berserk as she tried to figure out what the hell he was up to and why he was even speaking to her. Malfoy was the absolute last person she'd expected to be here and the very last person she wanted to talk to.

"So," he finally said after studying her in silence. "What are you in for?"

 Ginny hesitated to answer that, but still found herself replaying. "Orthorexia Nervosa, " she said. "With some anorexic tendencies."

Malfoy hummed and Ginny studied him for a while. Only when he was closer did she notice the tube that went up his nose was attached by some huge pieces of tape that went from one nostril and ran over the bridge of his nose as it hung along the left side of his face and then disappeared behind the thin layer of hair. "You?" She finally asked, although she suspected she might already know the answer to that.

Malfoy laughed. But there was no humour in it.

"I'm being treated for Anorexia Nervosa, but I don't have it." He said and Ginny stared at him in disbelief.

"I haven't meet many non-anorexic people that had to be fed through a tube." she mumbled and Malfoy snorted.

"We're not many, but we still exist," he said, smiling.

 She couldn't take him seriously. He had to be joking. He couldn't really be that much in denial, could he?

"Well, I've never met a perfectly healthy and functional human being that had to be tubed," she finally said. Malfoy hummed again.

"Guess I'm your first then," he said with a smirk.

"When did you get here?" She found herself asking.

"Yesterday," he replied. "That's when I got thrown in here again."

Ginny raised an eyebrow. "Again?" She repeated and Malfoy gave her a humourless smile.

"I've been going in and out of this place for the last five years. Mother keeps throwing me in here cause I can't be bothered to eat."

Ginny's eyebrows wrinkled. "She can't force you in here. You're  legally an adult."

Malfoy nodded. "True. But mother drags me here by force. She may be old but Morgana, is that lady strong. And fucking scary. She's had to stun me a few times before dumping me here. Every time we got here I got forcibly hospitalized by the healers cause I'm at a "health risk" but they tell me that ever sodding time I'm here. It's a wonder I'm still alive," he laughed at himself and Ginny stared bewildered at him.

"They say I keep relapsing every time they sign me out and it's been like that for years in a row." He shook his head. "It's crazy because I don't have anything to relapse into." He picked at the skin where the Dark mark was branded into him.

"I don't know why they keep bothering with keeping me alive. I'm not going to be missed or anything and I'm sure the healers and nurses are getting tired of my shit," he smirked at her.

Ginny started to fidget around uncomfortably in her seat. She didn't know how to answer that.

 _'Yeah, you're a Death Eater scumbag and a prick with no friends left and everyone wishes you were in Azkaban instead of walking around freely'_ didn't seem like an ideal answer.

"Surely your Mother cares if she keeps throwing you in here," she finally said, looking down on her hands as she spoke.

"Yeah," he mumbled. "But she won't have the strength to keep this up for the rest of her life and judging by the way she's looking I would say the end is right around the corner for her."

Ginny felt her gut twist in disgust. How could he sit there and so calmly talk about his mother dying. His mother!

"Don't you want to get better for her, so you can help her and be there for her when she needs it," she asked coldly.

He shrugged. "Nah, once she's no longer around I won't have to come here any more and be forcefully committed," he said, raising his voice at the end of his sentence to make sure that the nurses that stood a few feet away from them heard him. They shot him a nasty glare and Malfoy chuckled.

  _Unbelievable, he talks about his mother dying like it would be a relief._

"Besides, if she dies before me I won't have to feel guilty about leaving her alone." He said as his smile slowly turned sad. "Dying from an illness always seemed easier than committing suicide."

Ginny gave him a questioning look.

"If you kill yourself everyone will talk about how weak, selfish and cowardly you are. You must've seen the articles they posted about my father after he hung himself," he said and Ginny nodded slowly.

"But if you die from an illness people won't blame you. They'll blame the illness," he started smirking again and suddenly he went from slumping down on the sofa to sitting up straight. He threw his hands up in dramatic manner and started speaking in a news anchor voice.

"Tragedy struck today when Anorexia Nervosa claimed a young boy's life," he spoke loudly. "Very sad. He will be missed by one person, maybe two. Awful. Now to the weather with Bill!"

Ginny could not help herself, she burst out laughing. She didn’t know what was more absurd. The way Malfoy joked about his own death or the fact that he had watched  muggle TV. Muggle news even.

"You're a bloody lunatic!" she snorted and Malfoy's smile widened.

"Darling," he said in a posh voice. "We're all bloody lunatics, that's why we're here in the first place." He started to stand up. "Now that you're here, that goes for you too." He started walking away from her, slowly tilting his head as he spoke over his shoulder.

"Welcome to the loony bin, Weaslette!"

 

*****

 

Ginny had been thankful for the sleeping draught. She knew that had she not taken it, she would've been awake all night pondering over everything that had happened today.

She was however rudely awakened by loud voices. She groaned and pulled the covers over her head, but it was futile.

She couldn't unhear the voices now.

She sat up in her bed and yawned before tiptoeing out of bed and out to the hall. The moment she stepped out from her room she saw the commotion. Two aurors stood at the entrance, fighting to keep a woman calm as she was shouting and ripping herself away from their grips.

Suddenly a nurse appeared and flicked her wand while mumbling a spell, causing the woman to fall down to the floor, stiff.

"I'm so sorry, honey." The nurse spoke softly, leaning down as she spoke.

"You know the rules. We had to send aurors after you; you were suppose to back 8 hours ago!"

The nurse  sighed. "I'm sorry, sweetie but we're going to have to revoke your privileges. You will not be going home on permission  this weekend and you can only go out with a staff member. No leaving the hospital either."

Ginny study the scene curiously. Suddenly something caught her attention. From the corner of her eye she could see another person witnessing the commotion from their room as well. She slowly turned around to look towards the room across from hers. Malfoy stood in the doorway, almost looking disappointed. Suddenly he turned his head towards Ginny, waving slightly awkwardly at her, his humorous  demeanour gone.

"What's going on?" She mouthed at Malfoy.

Malfoy brought his long, scrawny arm up before just pointing at his wrist. Ginny had no idea what that meant.

"What?" She mouthed back, eyebrows crinkled.

Malfoy rolled his eyes and threw his hands up in the air in an exaggerated manner to show Ginny how stupid he thought she was. He bit his bottom lip and looked around him before tiptoeing across the corridor to join her.

"She always does this," he whispered in a hushed voice. "She always runs away and just goes home when she's allowed to go out on permission."

He carefully rubbed his nose where the tube was taped against his face. "She never comes back in time either. If you do that they'll send Aurors after you to escort you back."

He shook his head.

"She always comes back with an auror escort."

"She's not allowed to get herself discharged?" Ginny asked and Malfoy shook his head.

"This is the fifth time she's been in here this year for trying to commit suicide," he said. "She's been forcibly hospitalized every time because they're too afraid of what's going to happen if she leaves too early."

Ginny nodded slowly.

"Stupid bint," Malfoy mumbled under his breath. "Night, Weaslette," he said before he turned around and tiptoed back to his room.

Ginny didn't answer, she just watched as Malfoy walked away.

 She let her eyes drift back to the woman only to notice that the aurors had left and that the nurse seemed to have released the spell, slowly helping the woman walk. Ginny panicked slightly when she noticed that they were walking towards her and she quickly and as quietly she could, stalked back to her bed and crawled under the covers.

She could hear their footsteps as they came closer and to her surprise they came into her room. She quickly closed her eyes and pretended to be sleeping deeply.

 So this is my new room mate, she thought.

 She could hear them talk in hushed voices as the nurse helped the patient to bed.

"Do you need anything to help you sleep?" The nurse asked and Ginny could only assume that the woman shook her head as the nurse spoke again.

"We'll then dear," she whispered. "Goodnight."

The nurse started to walk away but suddenly stopped as the woman spoke.

"I just wanted to see my cat." She whispered in a sad voice.

The nurse was quiet before she replied. "I know dear." Then she left the room.

Ginny could hear the muffled sobs from her room mate and felt her gut twist uneasily. Should she talk to her? Comfort her?

Ginny finally decided to just keep pretending like she was still sleeping and not until the sobs stopped was she able to fall back to sleep.

 

*****

 

The next morning Ginny woke up at 7:30. She still felt exhausted from yesterday but forced herself to get up and get breakfast. She had to be present at every meal the healers had told her. Breakfast had never really appealed to her. She always felt too sick in the morning to eat.

 She got up and got dressed quickly. She glanced over to the other bed in the room to see if it was empty or not. She couldn't see a foot sticking out this time so she assumed it was. She walked out of the room and into the hallway. She could hear voices coming from the cafeteria and slowly made her way over there.

She passed the activity room and noticed a few people sitting at the table drinking coffee. She kept walking and soon turned to walk into the cafeteria. They had all kinds of breakfast food there. Different fruits, yoghurt, bread, cereals. She walked over the buffet and took a bowl. She poured some yoghurt into it and then filled it up with some muesli. She looked around to find a seat. She slowly noted to herself that both her room mate and Malfoy were missing. Not that she cared but Ginny had a hard time eating in front of so many people, especially strangers. She decided to eat in the activity room instead. She took her bowl with her and made her way out.

She thought about sitting in front of the TV so she wouldn't have to think too much about the other people in there. Only then did she notice that the sofa was occupied. Malfoy was sitting there with Ginny's  room mate. The woman was lying down with her head resting in Malfoy's lap as he soothingly petted her head and played with her hair. Ginny hesitated for a moment before walking in. Malfoy didn't seem to notice her and she hurriedly took a seat at the table behind them.

She ate in silence with the others patients sitting there. One girl was was in her pyjamas, reading a book. Two guys sat next to each other, having a conversation about their families. Ginny slowly chewed her breakfast. She tried not stare at Malfoy and the girl sitting in the sofa.

Ginny hadn't realised that they might be friends, but it made sense. If both of them had been in and out of the hospital a lot it was probably only natural for them to form some kind of bond.

She still was not quite able to place Malfoy in her mind. He was acting so much unlike himself. She never knew that he actually had a sense of humour. Morbid and obscure, sure, but humour nonetheless, that didn't involve jokes on others expense or bullying. The fact that he even was talking to her was a mystery and now he was even comforting another patient. She didn't even know he was capable of being sympathetic.

Suddenly she could hear Malfoy chuckling as the other girl punches his arm lightly.

"You're horrible," she said, but there was a lightness in her voice

Suddenly she stood up and walked away and that's when Ginny saw it. Her eyes widened as she realised that she recognised her.

It was Daphne Greengrass. She had been a year above Ginny, so she didn’t know her that well, but it was definitely her.

That's why they're so close, Ginny thought. He's got a fellow Slytherin here.

Suddenly Ginny remembered that Hermione was suppose to come by with some clothes for her. She chewed on her bottom lip, wondering if she should mention anything about Malfoy and Greengrass. She decided against it. They didn’t need more stuff to worry about, she thought. Even if they did see him, Ginny sincerely doubted that they would be able to recognise him. If anyone were to see him however, she could just say she hadn't noticed him.

Ginny took her bowl and got up from her seat to leave it it the cafeteria. Greengrass was standing there, engaged in a conversation with someone else. Suddenly she saw Ginny. She looked surprised, so Ginny could only assume that Malfoy hadn't told her about her being there. Ginny hesitated for a moment before she set down the plate and approached her.

"Hi," she said carefully. "I don't know if you remember me," she began to say and Greengrass looked suspiciously at her.

"You're Ginny Weasley." Ginny nodded.

"And you're Daphne Greengrass," she said. "Also my new room mate."

Greengrass eyes widened at that.

 "I remember you, why are you here?" She asked, brows wrinkled.

"Eating disorder," Ginny said simply. "You?"

For a moment Greengrass looked hesitant before she answered.

"Suicide attempt."

Ginny nodded slowly and tried to act like she didn't already know that.

"How's your family?" Greengrass asked to her surprise.

"They're good," she said while nodding and looking away. "Yours?"

Greengrass shrugged. "They're getting by."

Ginny smiled shyly. "That's good."

An awkward silence settled between them. They shifted between looking at each other and looking away, both unsure of what to say.

"I should get back to my room," Ginny finally said, breaking the silence. Greengrass nodded at her. Ginny began walking away.

"It's nice," she suddenly heard Greengrass say behind her. Ginny turned around and looked curiously at her. "To have another Hogwarts students here. It's nice."

Ginny gave her a small smile. "Yeah," she agreed. "It is."

 

******

 

After her nap Ginny woke up feeling worse than she had before she went to sleep. She looked at her watch and flew up from the bed when she realised lunch was almost over. She made her way to the cafeteria and nearly ran into one of the healers that had diagnosed her. She smiled at her.

"I was just about to check on your to make sure you knew lunch was being served," she said.

"Sorry," Ginny apologised.  "I fell asleep and just woke up."

The healer nodded. "That's alright, the first days can be rather exhausting," she said and Ginny nodded in agreement.

"How are you doing today?" The healer asked her.

Ginny thought for a while before settling on an "Alright, I guess."

The healer smiled. "That's good."

"I've talked to the other healers and seeing as you've done really well and been present at every meal we decided to give you the privilege of going outside with a family member for a few hours. You think you can do that?" She asked and Ginny nodded eagerly.

"Good," the healer said with a smile. "Do you have any family members coming to visit you today?

"My sister in law," Ginny straight up lied. She just needed to get out for a while. The healer nodded.

"That should work just fine. Let me know when and I'll give you the time for when you have to be back."

She left and Ginny couldn't stop the smile that formed on her face. Finally some fresh air, she thought.

She moved along to get her lunch. Once again she noted to herself that both Malfoy and Greengrass were missing from the cafeteria. When she went to sit down in the activity room she still didn't see them. She thought it was weird that she had to be present at every meal and he didn't, apparently.

She took the same seat as she had that morning, setting down the plate. Without realising it she started to organize the food, sorting them into different piles on the plate. Rice in one pile, meat in one pile and vegetables in the third pile. She blinked when she noticed what she was doing and quickly mashed everything together with her fork into a mushy goo.

Old habits die hard, she noted to herself. Organizing the food on her plate was something she started doing when she was ill. If she didn't know the exact amount of calories in her meal she would divide everything into a pile to be able to eye the quantity of the different ingredients on her plate to get the approximate number. It was also a way for her delay eating. She realised she was going to have to kill these habits if she was going to recover.  
  
Ginny looked up from her plate when she heard a familiar voice from the entrance a few feet behind her. She felt her heart skip a beat and turned around in her seat to get a better look.

As suspected Hermione soon came into sight and Ginny felt her heart ache in appreciation and longing. She missed her family so much it almost hurt. She flew up from her seat and ran towards Hermione. When she saw Ginny her searching eyes stopped at the sight and she smile widely and laughed when Ginny collided into her, causing her take a few faltering steps backwards. They hugged tightly and Ginny took the opportunity to inhale the smell of home, burying her face in the nape of Hermione's neck. She felt ridiculous, she had only been there for twenty-four hours, still it felt like she hadn't seen her in an eternity.  

“How are you doing?” Hermione asked quietly while stroking her hair. Ginny pulled away and sighed, she gave Hermione a brave smile.

“I'm okay,” she said and as the words left her mouth she realised that she meant it, to her own surprise.

“Yeah?” Hermione asked, eyeing her concernedly. Ginny gave her a small smile and nodded.

“Yes, it's actually not nearly as bad as I thought it would be,” she admitted. “The healers here are really professional and accommodating.” The concern on Hermione's face vanished as she lit up at her words.

“That's really good to hear,” she replied softly and reached out her hand to play with the tips of Ginny's red hair.

“Let me show you what I brought,” Hermione said and held up small backpack.

“I have to finish eating,” Ginny groaned. “But hey, why don't you sit with me and show me.”

 Hermione nodded at the suggestion and followed closely behind her as she made her way over to the activity room where she was sitting. She anxiously looked around her to see if Malfoy or Greengrass was anywhere in sight, but she was unable to spot them. She exhaled silently in relief and sat down, Hermione taking a seat next to her. Her brown eyes studied the food on Ginny's place and she frowned at the mushy goo.

“That looks...Appetizing.” Ginny could tell she was trying her best to not look or sound disgusted. She chuckled lightly.

“It's not the worst,” she lied. It totally was the worst thing she had ever tasted. But hey, recovery was painful, in more ways than one.

Hermione nodded and turned her attention back to her backpack. She set it on the table and started digging through it.

“Obviously I brought you some clothes,” she said, not fully pulling them out, just enough to show Ginny the fabric. “Toothbrush, hairbrush,” she pulled out the items and held them up as she named them one after another, before putting them back. “I brought you some books, in case you got bored,” she blushed slightly and Ginny looked at her in amusement. “Some shower stuff, a towel,” she looked up at Ginny and looked apologetic as she did so. “Sorry, I didn't know what else you wanted so that's about it.”

“That's fine,” she reassured her. “If I can think of anything you didn't already bring I'll owl you.”

Hermione nodded and Ginny leaned forward as she reached out her hand and placed on top of Hermione's.

“Thank you,” she said earnestly. “I really appreciate it.” Hermione squeezed her hand and said nothing.

Ginny resumed to finishing off her plate. She tried not think about the food too much, eating quickly and barley chewing, drinking water between every bite so avoid the taste. She could feel Hermione's brown eyes study her as she ate. Normally it would make her uncomfortable, but this was Hermione. She was comfortable enough in her presence to eat without feeling apprehensive about it.

“How are the boys?” Ginny asked as she washed down her last bite.

“Good, I think,” Hermione said. “Harry's been a bit distracted in the field lately,” she admitted. “I think the head auror might put him on paperwork if he doesn’t start focusing again soon.”

Ginny eyes widened slightly and her gut twisted in guilt. “Because,” she began and then gave Hermione a meaningful expression as she gestured towards herself in a discreet manner. Hermione bit her bottom lip her eyes fell. She gave a slight nod with her head.

“Yeah,” she said hushed voice. Ginny exhaled in a deep sigh and rubbed her face.

“I'm so sorry,” she whispered, breath hitching.

“No-no-no-,” Hermione protested hurriedly. “You don't need to apologize.” Her hands flew across the table and grabbed Ginny by her hands. She squeezed tightly, causing Ginny to look up and meet her gaze.

“You're sick,” she said firmly. “You're here to get better. That's all that matters.”

 Ginny blinked away the tears and nodded slowly. She knew Hermione meant it, but that didn't stop her from continuously blaming herself for the harm she had inflicted on her family. She knew that the only thing to do now was get better. For herself and for her family.

“Do you want to go outside?” Ginny suddenly asked, as she could feel herself yearning for fresh air and a cigarette.

“You're allowed to do that?” Hermione wondered with a slight frown. Ginny nodded and called over one of the nurses.

“We'd like to go outside,” Ginny said, hoping the healer had passed on the information to the nurses.

“Yes, this was your sister-in-law?” the nurse asked and Ginny glanced at Hermione who looked completely blank at that question.

“Yes,” Ginny said quickly. “The healer said that was okay,” she pressed.

“Yes, I was told that you're allowed three hours outside. Then you have to come straight back. No leaving the premises either.” Ginny nodded and stood up to follow the nurse.

She opened the locker with a tap of her wand and Ginny was allowed to get her jacket and shoes. Once she had them in her arms she and Hermione went back to her room. Ginny proceeded to empty the backpack, putting the clothes in the wardrobe.

When she was done she threw on the jacket, doubled checked to see that her cigarette and lighter were still in her pocket and then she gestured to Hermione to leave with her.

The nurse unlocked the door and Ginny and Hermione proceed down the long white corridor. The florescent light made their eyes sting a bit, but soon the reach the exit and walked out. The sun shone brightly and a light breeze caressed Ginny's face softly.

They walked for a bit.

“How's Ron?” Ginny asked when she realized they never got to him when speaking earlier inside.

"He's good, I think,” Hermione bit her lower lip as she nodded. “Yeah, he's just really busy. There seem to be some kind of flu going around amongst purebloods, so he's mostly in and out of the vaccination room.”

“He's not worried he'll catch it?” Ginny asked, looking apprehensive. Hermione shook her head, causing her heavy curls to bounce around her face.

“They're very thorough when working around patient.” Hermione said in an informative voice. “They constantly run tests on each other, sterilize before going in and out, they're even wearing face masks.”  

Ginny nodded, still frowning with concern. “Is it that contagious?” she asked and Hermione shook her head.

“Not that they know of, at least, but they make sure the Healers who are purebloods are being extra cautious.”

That's a relief, Ginny thought and exhaled slowly when the weight lifted from her chest.

“How are you doing?” Ginny finally asked and gave Hermione a meaningful look. She could tell her friend was keeping up a brave face. Hermione tried to smile but it turned sour too quickly. She let out an embarrassed chuckle and ran a hand over her face.

“Honestly, I'm good,” she said, sounding far from it.

“Hermione,” Ginny began but Hermione just took her hand.

“Ginny, I'm fine.” She looked her dead in the eye and didn't even blink as she spoke. Ginny was slightly taken aback and she stood silently for a while.

“The most important thing for everyone right now is you,” she gave her a weak smile and pushed a few strands of red hair away from Ginny's face. “Because we want you back. Home.”

Ginny smiled at her and took Hermione's other hand. Her grip tightened around both hands and she leaned forward to rest her forehead against Hermione's. She sighed deeply before pulling away, still smiling.

“I want to come home.”  

 

*****

 

The visit from Hermione ended up being shorter than she anticipated. She still had two more hours left before she had to be back.  Ginny decided to use that time to just enjoy the outdoors. She started walking around outside the hospital premise.  It was big, she noted to herself. She walked along a cement wall along the green grass. The sun shone down on her, warming her face pleasantly. Suddenly something caught her attention; a literal hole in the wall beside her. It didn't seem to serve any other purpose than just being there, looking very odd. But that’s not what made her stop. It was the person seated quite deeply in the hole that caught her attention.

“Afternoon, Weaslette!” Malfoy greeted her in a delightful manner. He was holding something in his hand; something that looked like a cigarette, but Ginny knew that smell far too well to know that it wasn't.

“Are you smoking pot?” she hissed, looking wide-eyed at the outlandish scene before her.

“It's not illegal,” Malfoy pointed out with a shrug.

True enough. Technically it wasn't illegal in the Wizard world, but it sure as hell wasn't encouraged. Kind of like alcohol. As far as Ginny was concerned both alcohol and muggle drugs (or any other type of drug for that matter) were strictly forbidden on hospital grounds.

Malfoy held up the joint in front of her. “Want some?”

Ginny looked around anxiously before crawling into the hole, seating herself across from Malfoy, facing him. She took the joint and took a few puffs, inhaling deeply before she breathing out the smoke.

It wasn't the first time she smoked. Harry had introduced her, Hermione and Ron to it a few years after the war,  before her eating disorder had kicked in. They would smoke a few times a month together and Ginny had thoroughly enjoyed that. When she got sick she stopped, as she felt out of control when she smoked and her appetite increased. She couldn't control herself and would end up binging on anything in sight, only to hate herself once she came down.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, giving Malfoy back the perfectly rolled joint. “Are you even allowed to go outside?”

Malfoy smirked at her. “Kind of,” he said. “They prefer to keep me inside, but they know me well enough by now to trust that I won't run away. Besides” he took took another puff, holding it in as he spoke. “I think they're kind of relieved to get a break from me every now and then.”

She nodded and silently took the joint when Malfoy offered it to her again.

“I met Greengrass,” she said after a while. “Why didn't you tell me it was her, last night?”

Malfoy shrugged. “Figured you'd run into each other sooner or later,” he said, carefully scratching the bridge of his nose.

“Did you know she was my room mate?” she asked and Malfoy nodded.

“I managed to put that together when saw what room you were in yesterday,” he said, reaching out to take the joint back.

Ginny thought about Greengrass and Malfoy sitting in couch. The way Malfoy had played with her hair and how calm Greengrass had seemed. She hesitated for a moment.

“Are you two close?” she finally asked. “I saw you together this morning,” she added when Malfoy raised an eyebrow at her. He looked away.

“Yeah,” he said after a moment of silence. “Her and Astoria are like sisters to me.”

Ginny nodded. Once again, they sat they sat in complete silence. Ginny's mind was racing.

She couldn't understand why she was sitting there, sharing a joint with Malfoy of all people. What was more absurd was that she actually felt comfortable in his presence.   

“I was suppose to marry her,” Malfoy suddenly said. Ginny looked surprised at him.

“Daphne?” she asked and Malfoy shook his head.

“Astoria,” he corrected.

He sighed.

“It didn't seem fair to her,” he continued. “She already has Daphne to worry about. I don't need to add any more to her plate. Besides, what's the point of marrying when you're dying?”

 Ginny didn't know how to answer that.

“She's already done so much for me. She's always there for me. She comes to visit me and Daph when she has the time. She deserves so much more than a husband who's constantly in and out of the psych ward. Besides,” he doubled checked to see if there was any green left to smoke. “I would've never been able to provide her with what she needs. Not romantically or sexually.”

Ginny nearly choked on her own tongue at the admission.

“No?” she just asked, trying not to sound too uncomfortable. They were grown ass people after all.

“Nah,” Malfoy said as he threw away the burnt out joint. “Being gay kind of shot that horse in the face,” he sniggered to himself and Ginny snorted. He took a pack of cigarettes and handed one to Ginny.

“To cover up the smell,” he said and Ginny took it and allowed Malfoy to light it for her.

“How do you avoid the munchies?” she asked, jumping back to the topic on weed.

Malfoy shrugged. “After a while you learn to ignore it. You find other stuff to focus on.”

“In the beginning I would just purge afterwards,” he continued. “But after a while a sort of lost my gag reflex.”

Ginny smirked. “Bet the boys loved that,” she said and her smile widened slightly when Malfoy started laughing.

“If you only knew,” he chuckled. “It was really all I could offer back then, a nice blow-job. Once I started abusing laxatives I got too paranoid to have sex.”

He started laughing again. “Imagine someone being all up in your business only to accidentally take a huge fucking dump on their dick.”

He started laughing even harder when Ginny made a disgusted face, reaching her legs out to kick his foot lightly.

“Thank you for that mental image,” she half sniggered and half groaned.

“You're welcome,” he said with amused smirk on his face.   

“Once I tried making my own type of laxative potion, only I wanted the effect of it twice as fast and a lot stronger so I wouldn't have to take as  much,” he inhaled brought the cigarette up to his lips and closed his mouth around the filter before inhaling and then brought it down as he exhaled. The shadow of a smirk could be seen on his face.

“It ended up working a little too well and I didn't anticipate that getting drowsy would be one the side-effects.”

Ginny started to suspect where this was going.

“I ended up falling asleep only to wake up to me shitting my pants. And my bed.”

 Ginny started laughing hysterically and Malfoy joined her.

“I never felt more embarrassed when the house-elves came to change the bed sheets. I honestly think one them was close to crying.”

Ginny wiped away a few tears while still laughing.

“I must be high as fuck, I've never told anyone else that story. Not even Daphne and Astoria.”

Ginny didn't understand why she felt a tiny glimmer of pride swell up in her chest at that. Maybe it was the fact that Malfoy genuinely felt comfortable enough to share that with her. Maybe they weren't so different after all.

She suddenly felt obligated to share some fucked up story about herself. 

“Once, Ron threw away like half a cheeseburger when we ate at my parents house. When everyone was asleep I crept down to kitchen and dug it up just to smell it,” she admitted and Malfoy chuckled.

“I've eaten straight out of the garbage more times than I can count,” he admitted. “Once when I was really high and we had some crisps at home I threw them away and poured dish soap on them to make sure I didn't eat them.” He shook his head. “Didn't work. Ended up eating them anyway. I was sick for like a week after that.”

It was fascinating, Ginny thought. They way Malfoy denied being sick while simultaneously acknowledging it.

“A few weeks ago Hermione asked to borrow a tampon and I just laughed right in her face because by then I hadn't had my period in months. Then I realised my mistake, panicked and told her was pregnant and getting an abortion,” Ginny was shook her head. “She never looked at me the same.”

“Wow,” Malfoy said, eyebrows raised. “That's kind of dark.”

Ginny could only nod in agreement. She was far from proud over the things she had done because of her eating disorder.

“I once looked up the calories in sperm,” Malfoy finally offered, Ginny suspected it was an attempt to lighten the mood. She snorted.

“Bitch, me to,” she said, smirking. “You're not special.”

She laughed when Malfoy kicked her lightly.  

“We're pretty fucked up, aren't we?” Ginny said and despite the small smile on her face she could not stop the sadness from seeping into her voice.

Malfoy hummed in agreement. “It's kind of nice though,” he said. “Knowing you're not alone.”

Ginny had to agree, it was nice. To finally have someone to talk to about it, someone who actually understood what she was going through and didn't judge her because they were equally fucked up.

Both of their cigarettes had burnt out and Malfoy threw away his, Ginny did the same. Malfoy looked at her for a moment before speaking.

“What do you say, Weaslette? Shall we go back inside?”

Ginny nodded and they both crawled out of hole. Malfoy first with Ginny following closely behind.

Before going back inside Malfoy stopped.

“I'd lie if I said this wasn't a pleasant turn of events,” he said with small smile. “I wouldn't mind doing it again.”

Ginny couldn't help but smile back. “Me too,” she agreed, Then something hit her. “Where did you even get a hold of weed?” she asked.

Malfoy smirked. “Pansy,” he said. “She's been sneaking it in when she comes to visit me.”

Ginny snorted. “Of course.”

 They smiled at each other and then made their way inside.

 

*****

 

After that, Ginny and Malfoy developed a strange sort of relationship.

At meals they would sit together, Daphne as well. They would hang out in the activity room, watching films and arguing about which Tim Burton film was the best. Ginny was absolutely in awe of how much Malfoy seemed to know about muggle culture. She almost couldn't keep up despite having soaked up as much knowledge as possible from her father and Hermione.

Then every afternoon or evening they would be allowed outside for a couple of hours. They would take long walks, talking about everything and nothing.

Ginny told him how hard it was adjusting after the war. How broken both she and Harry had been. Too broken to continue their relationship.

Malfoy told her about the horrors he had experienced during the war. The threats, the torture and the lies. He told her that every time he failed a task or was unable to perform his duty they would lock him up in the dungeon for days, giving him only water and no food. He told her that he had to torture his own mother. He still woke up in the middle of the night, sweating and screaming as he the nightmare replayed in his head over and over again.

Ginny told him how hard it had been to recover from the loss of her brother. How she'd wake up to the sound of her mother wailing as she clutched a piece of Fred's old clothing.

No apologize or sympathise were ever spoken between them; but they both knew. The war was since long over. It was time to move on.

Every now and then Malfoy and Ginny would go to the hole. They'd sit there, get high and talk about the old days. They would laugh, they would cry and sometimes they would just sit in complete silence. Both entirely comfortable in each others company.

Malfoy became her biggest support when she started to recover. Every time she felt herself relapse, Malfoy would be there. Offering her surprisingly wise advice while jokingly saying over and over again “You don't want end up like me. A tube would look absolutely awful on you.”  

“Because you're really rocking it over there,” she'd reply sarcastically while smiling at him.

Ginny would always wonder if her relationship with Malfoy was what set Daphne off.

One day she walked back to her room after having her weekly weigh-in only to hear Daphne talking to someone. She stopped and listened.

“I feel like I'm losing you to her,” Greengrass said, sobbing.

“You're not losing me to anyone, you stupid bint,” she could hear Malfoy respond in a soft voice.

“You're always sitting together-”

“And you're sitting with us,” Malfoy argued. Greengrass sniffed.

“You're always taking walks together,” she said. Ginny could hear Malfoy groaning.

“You dimwit,” he mumbled. “You know very well we'd invite you if you had that privilege, which you would have you didn't keep breaking the rules.”

“I know,” she whispered. “Merlin, I'm being so childish about this,” she sniffed once again and Ginny could hear Malfoy chuckle lightly.

“You do realise that this is just your Borderline speaking, yeah?”

“Yeah,” she responded, sounding almost ashamed. “Good thing, otherwise I would be splitting by now. My therapist keeps reminding me that life and relationships aren't black and white and it's slightly easier to handle knowing that, but it still happens.”

“I'm trying so hard, especially when it comes to you,” she continued. “I need you so badly and it hurts knowing you don't need me as much. Especially now that you have girl Weasley.”

Ginny made a face. She realised that she preferred “Weaslette” over “girl Weasley”.  

“I do need you,” Malfoy insisted. “You and Astoria are the only reason I'm still alive, you know?”

“But if I died, you'd still have Astoria,” she mumbled. “So it doesn't really make a difference to you if I'm dead or alive.”

 Malfoy let out a frustrated sigh.

“For someone so smart you sure are the dumbest person I've met,” he said. Ginny could hear the bed sheets rustle before Malfoy spoke again. “I need you Daph,” he spoke in a soft voice. “You're the only one keeping me sane in here.”

“What about girl Weasley?”

“She's been doing great with her recovery,” he said and Ginny didn't miss the slight undertone of pride in his voice. “She'll be out of here in no time.”

“You, on the other hand,” he continued and Greengrass sniffed. “You and I are going to be here for a while. We need each other. Astoria needs you.” The last words were spoken in a hushed whisper and Ginny could hear Greengrass mumbling an “okay” back.  

Suddenly she could hear Malfoy stand up and Ginny panicked slightly before deciding to just walk in, making it seem like she had just arrived and hadn't been eavesdropping on their entire conversation.

Malfoy looked up in surprise when she entered. She noted how Greengrass seemed to pull away from him, giving Ginny a cold look.

Malfoy looked between them as an awkward silence seemed to settle between them.

“I should go,” he finally said. He gave Greengrass a kiss on the forehead before nodding at Ginny.

“See you at dinner, Weaslette!” he called as stalked out of the room.

Ginny smiled at him and when he was gone she turned back to Greengrass, who completely ignored her. She opened and closed her mouth a few times before shaking her head and silently deciding against talking to the other witch. She walked over to her bed and lied down.

For a moment she thought maybe it was best that she kept her distance from Malfoy. She knew that at the end of the day, being friends with him was against everyone’s better judgement.

She still hadn't told any of her family and friends about the two Slytherin's she was sharing a roof with. Every time they had visited her, both Greengrass and Malfoy seemed to just disappear into thin air. They never saw them and Ginny never brought it up. At some point Ginny had even started to warn them when she expected a visitor. She couldn't blame them for not wanting to run into her family. Even if she and Malfoy had come to some kind of mutual peace with each other she could hardly demand that her family do the same.

Ginny didn't realised she had fallen asleep until the commotion woke her up. She felt groggy and her body was heavy. She could hear shouts and screams. She felt a twist in her gut at the sounds and sat up, nearly blacking out from doing it too fast. She steadied herself before throwing her legs over the bed and stood up.

“How did she even get a hold of a wand?” Someone snapped in an angry voice.

Ginny hurried out from her room and followed the sounds. They came from the entrance hall.

When she arrived at the scene her eyes widened.

A few nurses were knocked out on the floor and more nurses were making their way down the corridor, wands held high. Suddenly she saw her.

Greengrass.

She was standing over the bodies of the unconscious nurses, back pressed against the wall while pressing holding a wand, pressing the tip against the underside of her chin. She was crying.

“Don't come any closer!” she screamed at the nurses, disarming them as they came.

 Ginny slowly approached her.

“Daphne,” she began and Greengrass whipped around and stared wide-eyed at her.

“Back of, Ginger!” she snapped. “This has nothing to do with you!”

Ginny swallowed and took one more step closer.

“Put the wand down, Daphne,” she said calmly. She could feel her heartbeat in her ears and sweat running down her face. Her body was tense from keeping herself from shaking. “You don't need to hurt anyone,” she continued, stepping even closer. “Just put the wand down.”

Greengrass looked at her and then suddenly grabbed her by the arm and twisted it before pressing it up against her back while holding her wrist tightly. Ginny swallowed the painful groan that threaten to spill from her lips. She could feel the tip of the wand being pressed against her lower back.

“Don't come any closer!” Greengrass shouted at the nurse. The nurses looked between them in panic when they realised Greengrass was using Ginny as a shield so that they wouldn't be able to disarm her.

“Daphne, please,” Ginny began but Greengrass grip only tightened around her wrist.

“Shut up!” she shrieked. She started sobbing. “I just want to die,” she cried. “Why can't you just let me die in peace.”

 Ginny felt a lump in her throat. Despite the fact that she was practically being held hostage she still felt her heart ache for Greengrass.

Suddenly the whole room went quiet and the only thing that could be heard were the wretched sobs coming from the girl holding Ginny tightly in her place.

“Daphne,” a familiar voice finally spoke. Both Ginny and Daphne's heads turned to see Malfoy slowly approaching them.

“Stay back, Draco,” she cried. Suddenly she sounded more tired than angry.

Malfoy shook his head. “You know I can't do that,” he said as he slowly kept approaching her.

“Talk to me, Daph,” he begged. “Tell what's happening.”

Greengrass took a shaky breath. “I don't know,” she whimpered. “I don't know what's happening to me. I feel like I'm stuck on a muggle air plane that's full of passengers. I can hear everyone talking over each other but I can't make out a single word of what they're saying.” She let out another sob. “And then it's like I have this baby next to me that's constantly screaming in my ear.”

“I just want it to stop,” she whispered. “I want everything to stop. All I want is some peace.”

Malfoy nodded and took a few more steps towards them.

“Dahp,” he said carefully. “Listen to me. This is something new, this hasn't happened to you before. That probably means it's the medication acting up.” He explained it to her slowly and Ginny could hear Greengrass let out a humourless laugh.

 “I know that,” she snapped and Malfoy brought up his hands in an apologetic manner, “It doesn't matter though,” she continued. “Even if this stops, everything else continues. I'm so fucking tired of being alive.”

 “You don't mean that,” Malfoy said in a low voice.

 “Yes I do!” Greengrass snarled. “I'm nothing but a burden to my family. To you. Everyone would be better off if I were dead!”

“That's not true,” Malfoy argued and Ginny could feel the grip around her tighten.

“Yes, it is!” Greengrass practically shouted. “I have no future aside from going in and out of this place. I will never amount to anything and I can't take it any more. I can't keep living like this. I just want to die. It'll save my family a lot of trouble and money.”

“Daphne,” Malfoy began slowly. “If you love your family you don't die for them, you live for them. You fight and keeping on fighting, for them.” He took another step closer. He was still too far away to reach out and touch them and Ginny could tell that's what he wanted to do.

“I know exactly how you feel, but you have to keep living. Any reason, any at all you can think of, no matter how small, you find those reasons and you hold on to them.”

Malfoy swallowed dryly. “That's why you have to stay alive. Do it so that we can finish binge-watching Doctor Who when we get out of here. Do it so that when you come home, you can finish off all those bottles of beer that I know for a fact are just standing around your apartment because your uncle keeps bringing them to you every time he visits. Think of all the New Year's celebrations you're going to miss. All the Christmas and birthday presents.”

 He took a deep breath.

“Think about Astoria,” he continued. “Who else is going to be her maid of honour on her and Nott's wedding?”

Greengrass let out a choked sound. Something that was similar to a laugh, but not quite.

“She could do so much better than that rabbit,” she said and Malfoy smiled at her.

“There is no one better to tell her that than you,” he said softly.

“Merlin,” she whispered. “You're such a fucking hypocrite, you know? You think I want to fight for my life when you're in here, literally wasting away?”

For a moment Malfoy looked slightly ashamed.

“I know. I know I'm no better.”

He was close enough now reach out and put a hand Greengrass shoulder. Ginny swallowed when she felt his other hand close around the hand that was holding her wrist firmly. He slowly started to pry Greengrass fingers from her grip.

“But we're in this together,” he said. “If you promise to fight, I will too.”

Ginny could feel the grip on her wrist loosen and she took the opportunity to rip away from the crying girl and stalked over to the nurses. She turned around and watched as Malfoy slowly took the wand from her.

“I'll get better if you do,” he whispered. “Then we'll be out of here forever. Together.”

Greengrass fell to the floor and Malfoy caught her in his arm, slowly sliding down with her. She buried her face in his shirt, crying and sobbing hysterically, repeatedly whimpering “I'm sorry, I'm so sorry”, while Malfoy stroke her hair and held her tightly.   

The nurse quickly approached them and Malfoy handed over the wand to them. He helped Greengrass up from the floor, arms still wrapped tightly around her. Ginny had to admit that she was slightly impressed. For someone who looked ready to snap in half, Malfoy still managed to hoist Greengrass up on her feet.

The nurses took over and started to restrain Greengrass. She didn't seem to care. Her eyes were focused on a spot far away. Her red-rimmed eyes looked tired and her face was drenched in tears. Suddenly she looked up at Malfoy.

“Promise you won't leave me?” she whispered and Malfoy put his hands on either side of her head and kissed her forehead.

“I promise,” he replied. Greengrass gave him a sad smile.

“You're a lying wanker, Draco Malfoy,” was the last thing she said to him before they escorted her away.

Ginny could still feel her heart beating furiously in her chest and she was still slightly hyperventilating. She swallowed and forced herself to calm down before walk over to Malfoy and standing next to him, watching as Greengrass disappeared through the entrance door, nurses and healers surrounding her with their wands out.  

“Where are they taking her?” she asked in a low voice, not trusting herself to not sound shaken.

“Probably to the fourth floor,” Malfoy mumbled in a miserable tone. “Maximum security.”   

She stood silently until Malfoy turned around and started walking away from her.

“Did you mean it?” she spoke a little louder. Malfoy stopped and looked at her. “When you said you were going to try and get better... Did you mean it?”

He was quiet for a few seconds.

“Us Slytherins aren't know for being cunning and manipulative for nothing,” he just said.

Ginny closed her eyes and sighed. Not until she was alone did she make her way back to her room. Once there, she broke down crying. She didn't stop until she once again fell asleep.

 

*****

 

Two months later Ginny was discharged. She had reached her goal weight and even though a small part of her hated the fact that she had gained weight she still felt proud of herself, as well as relieved to finally go home. She was standing in her room, Malfoy sitting on her bed watching her as she packed her things. He had finally managed to gain some and had gotten the tube taken out. He still looked awful, but at least he looked better than when she first had seen him.

“Are you going to miss me?” Ginny asked with a smirk. Malfoy snorted at her.

“You wish,” he said with a small grin. “Although, I have to admit it's going to be rather empty with both you and Daph gone.”

Ginny hummed and while making sure she hadn't forgotten anything.

“I think that's it,” she finally said and walked over to Malfoy to take a seat next to him on the bed.

They sat in silence for a while. Ginny glanced at clock on the wall.

“My parents should be here any minute to pick me up,” she said. She turned to face Malfoy. “Can I come and see you?”

Malfoy didn't say anything at first. He didn't look thoughtful, more hesitant. Finally he sighed while shrugging his shoulders.

“Yeah,” he said and Ginny smiled at him before standing up. She was surprised when Malfoy stood up as well, bringing one arm up to wrap around her shoulders as he pulled her into some kind of awkward half hug. He rested his chin against her head and Ginny wrapped both her arms around his small waist. He pressed his mouth against the top of her head and inhaled before exhaling in a heavy sigh. When they pulled apart he was smiling at her, but Ginny could see the sadness in his eyes.

“See you around, Weaslette,” he said quietly. She nodded mutely and took her bag. She spared him one last glance before she started to make her way out of the room.

“And Ginerva!” He called after her. She stopped but didn't turn around. “I better not see your freckly face in here again unless you're here to visit me!”

Ginny smiled to herself and then made her way out of the hospital.

Her family was waiting outside. They all gave her a big smile when they saw her. Her mother practically ran to her and pulled her into a tight hug. The rest of family followed.

“I'm so proud of you,” Hermione said and kissed her cheek.

“I knew you could do it,” Harry said and kissed her forehead as they embraced each other.

“Good to have you back, sis,” George whispered and Ginny pressed her face against his chest. He smelled like home.

“You're a fighter,” her dad said and kissed her a top of her head. She smiled at him.

Ron was the last person to hug her so he took the opportunity to hold on to her just a little longer than the rest of them had.

“We missed you,” he finally said when he let her go.

“I've missed you too,” she said, wiping away a few happy-tears. “All of you.”

“Let's take you home,” her mother said and kissed her cheek.

 

*****

 

Being nearly thirty  years old and having to live with one's parents for the first time in almost a decade wasn't ideal. She loved her family dearly, but being around them everyday all day for weeks was starting to put Ginny on edge.

She tried her best to keep herself occupied. She had gone back to practice with the Harpies for the tournament, that now was only four months away.

She still had trouble with eating and exercise in moderation. Every other day she would snap at her parents for being overbearing. She was well aware of the fact that their concerns weren't unwarranted, still she wanted nothing more than to be left alone. As much as she loved her parents and as much as she appreciated their concern she knew that they would never understand. She was getting tired of their “Just eat” and their ignorance surrounding her condition. They were trying but deep down Ginny knew that they would never be able to truly understand what her sickness was actually doing to her; that's why she found herself writing a letter Malfoy.

She missed him, as bizarre as it sounded.

She missed having someone to talk to, who knew and understood her pattern of thinking, who wouldn't judge her or tell her to how unreasonable she was being; she already knew that, she didn't need to hear it from someone else.

Everyone seemed to think that Ginny being discharged meant that she was suddenly cured from her illness, which in reality was far from the case. She knew that her sickness would always be a part of her and affect her daily life. Unlike her family however, Ginny was okay with that, because at least she was strong enough to fight it this time.  

Part of that was thanks to Malfoy. Even though he was ten times sicker than her he still found ways of being supporting and encouraging. Which were two words she never thought she would associate with Malfoy. It hadn't taken too long for her to realize that the boy from Hogwarts was long dead, for better and for worse. She admired him, but at the same time he scared her. The way he would talk about himself and casually joke about dying often left Ginny unsure of how to react, but eventually she figured that was his coping-mechanism. To some degree she could relate; sometimes her eating disorder would present itself in the most absurd forms that sometimes, the only thing to do was to laugh about it.

Nowadays she was more worried about him, not that Ginny would ever admit that to anyone, especially not Malfoy. She had been home for three weeks and already sent him five letter without a single reply. She knew she should probably try and visit him, but while she still lived with her parents she found it hard to do so. One of the reasons Ginny found them to be so overbearing was because she couldn't leave the house without getting asked a hundred question. Her family had no idea about Malfoy and Greengrass; she would rather keep it that way. But she also knew that if they got her in a tough spot, she wouldn't be able to lie. She hated lying to her parents, so if it could be avoided by not mentioning anything about anything at all, she preferred that. She didn't even know where to begin explaining her relationship with Malfoy. It was weird, unlikely and eccentric. Still he was the only person Ginny wanted to talk to when she had a rough day.

She sighed and looked out the kitchen window, removing a few strands of red hair from her face to secure it behind her ears. Still no owl in sight, she noted to herself.

“Are you finished setting the table, dear?”

Ginny snapped out of her thoughts and turned around to see her mother. She smiled while nodding. Since her discharge her family had begun with a “mandatory” family dinner once a week. Which basically just meant two of her brothers, Harry and Hermione coming over for a few hours to eat. It wasn't a big deal, but she still found it helped her recovery a lot. Even if they didn't understand her, they were still great support and Ginny appreciated that.

She could hear the door open and slam shut, only to be followed by voices from the hallway. She glanced over at the window one last time before making her way over to the hallway. She was greeted by the smiles of her loved ones and hugged them.

“I'm starving,” Ron announced when he let go of Ginny and she snorted at him.

“Aren't you always?” she teased and Ron stuck out his tongue at her. Ginny laughed lightly before turning to Harry.

“How was work?” she asked and Harry made a grimace in response.

“Not that exciting, to be honest,” he admitted as he scratched the back of his head.

“You're just mad they had you do paperwork all day,” Hermione teased as she playfully poked his side.

“You're the one that made the arrest, I don't know why they told me to do it instead of you,” he mumbled, but Ginny could tell he wasn't actually pouting about it.

“Maybe I'm too good to take away from the field,” Hermione said and winked at him. Harry gave her a smile.

“That you are,” he said and laughed when Hermione blushed and gave his head a weak push with her hand. Harry's smile didn't falter. Suddenly Harry turned to Ginny and his face turned into a mischievous grin. He approached her and grabbed her by the upper arm, guiding her carefully out from the hallway and around the corner. He leaned forward as he spoke in a low voice.

“I brought something to celebrate,” he said with a cheeky grin. “I wanted to get it earlier but I wasn't able to. Better late than never.” He pulled something out from the back pocket of his jeans and held it up proudly.

 Ginny's eyes widened and before Harry could blink she had snatched the tiny plastic wrap containing weed from his hand.

“What are you doing?” she hissed. “My parent's are right behind me.” She shook her head in disbelief and hid it in her bra. “Honestly, you're just as careless as-” she stopped abruptly mid-sentence and fell quiet. Harry looked curiously at her and raised an eyebrow.

“As?” he repeated questioningly. Ginny just shook her head.

 “Never mind,” she mumbled. “We'll go out later tonight,” she said and Harry shone up.

 “You sure? It's been a while.” he looked at her with concern and Ginny barely kept herself from snorting at him. If only he knew, she thought, sniggering in her own head.

“Yeah,” she said with smile. “I'm sure. I miss smoking with you guys.”

“Shall we join the others?” she asked, quickly changing the subject. Harry nodded and followed her closely as they made their way to the kitchen to join the others at the table.   

“George running late, said he had to do some inventory before closing up,” Ron informed his parents as they sat down.

“Should we start without him?” Arthur asked and Molly waved her hands.

“Nonsense, we'll just have a nice little chat. He should be here any minute.”

Ron groaned and leaned back in the chair. The minute his back hit the chair they heard the door open and slam shut again.

“Sorry!” Ginny could hear George call as he loudly removed his outdoor clothes. With clumsy and loud steps he stomped out of the hallway and stumbled into the kitchen. His face was red from the autumn cold and his hair a mess after being stuffed under a cap. He was breathing heavily as he came over and gave his parents a hug before seating himself next to Ginny.

Everyone was chattering away when Molly started to serve up the plates. Ginny felt a slight trickle of dread but took a deep breath to calm herself down. When everyone had been served, they started digging in.

“How was practice today?” Harry asked Ginny and she shrugged in response.

“It's going okay, I just wish I still didn't feel so weak all the time,” she said frustrated.

“With that type of recovery your body is bound to take a bit of a toll,” Ron interjected and Ginny nodded.

“Obviously, I just thought I should be at least starting to feel better by now.”

“Recovery wise, I think you're doing great,” Hermione said. “The Quidditch stuff will come later, I promise.”

Ginny was just about to reply when George suddenly tipped his head to the side, staring at something in the distant while chewing slowly. Ginny followed his eyes and her gaze landed on the window by the kitchen sink behind Ron.

She frowned as she watched what looked like a blur, as it came closer and closer before taking the shape of an owl.  

“Whose owl is that?” Ron asked, having finally turned around after staring curiously at his siblings.

“I don't know,” Molly said as she eyed the pitch black owl that was finally close enough to land in the windowsill. The owl started to peck at the window and Ron hurriedly got up to open it. He retrieved an envelope from it and they all watched as the bird flew away. Ron slowly turned the envelope over and frowned as he did so.

“Uhm,” he said hesitant. “I think it's for you.” He sat down hand handed Ginny the envelope.

Ginny took it and read the letters on the back,

 

_“Weaslette.”_

 

Cursive writing, neat letters. God he's pretentious, Ginny thought as a smile crept onto her face, she only snapped out of her thoughts when Ron cleared his throat. She froze in her seat and looked up at Ron, trying to not look guilty. She had absolutely nothing to be guilty for, she knew that. But there was a reason to why she had gone the extra mile to avoid mentioning her new “friend”.

“It's funny,” Ron said with a humourless chuckle. “All these years I think I’ve only heard one person call you that.”

“Yeah?” she said with a frown while actively avoiding eye contact, keeping her eyes fixed on the letter addressed to her.

“Yeah, it was uh,” he looked thoughtful for a moment but Ginny could tell he was exaggerating. “It was Malfoy, wasn't it?”

Ginny shrugged her shoulders, still not looking at him. She traced the letters on the back with her fingers, feeling the dried ink against her tips.

“In fact,” Ron continued, leaning forward to eye her intensely. “Didn't that owl kind of look like the one he had when we attended Hogwarts?” He turned his head. “Harry?”

Ginny glanced at Harry who stopped mid-chew.

“How should I know?” he asked annoyed, mouth full of food. Ron raised an eyebrow at him.

“Because you were obsessed with him,” he pointed out like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

George sniggered beside Ginny and Harry rolled his eyes.

“I'm not having this conversation again,” he mumbled and rubbed his eyes behind the glasses. “What's your point?”

Ron glanced over to Ginny and looked hesitant for a moment before speaking.

“Who's the letter from?” he finally asked her and Ginny swallowed. Now really wasn't the time to tell them but she didn't know how to explain away the situation. She cleared her throat and shifted in her seat.

“That's really none of your business,” she said and narrowed her her eyes.

“I'm just curious,” Ron said with a shrug of his shoulders. “Who else besides him calls you _Weaslette_?”

“I'm not sure what you're accusing me of, either way I'm almost thirty so I can speak to whoever I want,” she said and Ron groaned.

“Don't pull the almost-thirty-card, _I'm_ almost thirty and I don't pull that crap,” he snapped. Ginny sighed and scratched her arm.

“I don't know what you want me to-”

“Just tell me,” he interrupted quietly without looking at her. Ginny looked down on her hands resting in her lap before looking up to meet Ron's gaze, eyes steady.

“Fine,” she said, voice slightly shaking. “It's him, okay? It's Malfoy.”

“ _What_?” Ron nearly shouted, eyes wide. Everyone stared at her in disbelief and Ginny flinched.

“Who did you think it was?” she asked bewildered.

“One of his goons maybe, but not actually _him,_ ” he said disgusted. “Why the hell is Malfoy writing to you?” Ginny hardly got a chance to answer before the rest of the family joined in.

“He's a Death Eater-”

 

“How can you be so-”

 

“His father is the reason you almost died second year-”

 

“He's a bully-”

 

“I KNOW!” Ginny finally shouted, causing everyone to fall silent. They looked her with both concern and dubiety.

“I know,” she repeated in a more calm voice. She looked at them and tried to hold her emotions at bay as she spoke.

“He's a bully and an awful person, I get it.” She chewed on her bottom lip and was quiet for a while.

“He understands me,” she finally said. “In ways that none of you ever could, because he knows exactly what I'm going through. If it hadn't been for him...” she looked down and shook his head. “I wouldn't even be here.”

She looked up again and everyone seemed to be stunned to silence. Ron raised an eyebrow.

“What does that mean?” he asked harshly and Ginny flinched at his tone. She knew the second the words had left her mouth that she had said too much. She wasn't ready to talk about the Greengrass incident.

“What I mean is,” she began slowly. “He was extremely supportive and helped me get better. Had he not been there I might not have gotten out when I did.”

A look of realisation dawned on their faces.

“He was in there with you,” Hermione whispered and Ginny looked at her before nodding in confirmation.

“He still is,” she said quietly and blinked when she felt her eyes sting.

“Why?” George asked, not looking at her, but straightforward.

“Anorexia Nervosa,” Ginny replied with a shaky voice.

“He's probably faking it,” Ron began but Ginny shook her head furiously.

“He's not!” Ginny snapped. She felt her burning tears leave her eyes as the ran down her cheeks, leaving a wet trail behind.

“He's a lying and manipulative tosser!” Ron argued as he gestured with his arms in frustration.

“Yes, you're right,” Ginny said sharply, voice still shaking. “He is a liar and he is a manipulative wanker. He's also sick. Just like me,” she said the last words slowly to put extra pressure on them. Ron's mouth tightened into a hard and cold expression.

“You're better.”

He sounded so matter of fact about and Ginny felt her chest tighten in anger.

“No I'm not!” she shouted and flew up from her chair, causing it scrape the floor right before it fell. Ron followed suit, in slightly less aggressive in his movements.

“The fact that you're even saying this shows how bloody ignorant you are!” She pointed at him as he yelled. “This is why I'm talking to him, because he is the only person who's gone through what I'm going through.” She let her hands fall limp to her sides. She looked tired all of a sudden, exasperated. She sniffed as she brought her hands up to wipe away the angry tears from her freckled cheeks. When she was done she looked at Ron with an emotionless expression.   

“It's a demon,” she said steadily. “It's a hungry demon that craves food yet punishes you if you eat. It's a demon telling you to push yourself to your limits even if you're just out for a walk.”

Her voice started cracking.

“It is a voice that will drown out all the other voices so when you say “Are you full?” I hear “fat”. When you say “You look healthy”, I hear “You've gained weight”.

“It doesn't stop,” she blinked and just as fast as she had wiped away the tears, she felt them once again wetting her cheeks. “You can learn to control it, you can learn not to listen; either way it's still going to be there. It's going to be there when you dismiss it and it's going to be there when you relapse. It will wait, it will taunt and it will hurt you. But I fight it.” She spoke through gritted teeth. “I fight every day, every hour, every minute I fight it. You will never know just how much antagonism there can be in one's head until you've experienced it.”

“We were all in a war, of course we understand,” Hermione spoke softly in a carefully manner.

Ginny shook her head. “It's not like that. In the war we fought against a darkness to protect ourselves and our loved ones. This time I'm fighting myself just to keep myself alive. That is not the same thing.”

It was the only way she could describe it. Wanting to die while fighting to stay alive. Ginny didn't want to die, but some days it seemed easier to just give up and have her sickness consume her than fighting it.

“You should have told us,” Harry finally spoke, breaking the tense silence. “You should have told us about Malfoy being there, we could've-”

“Just stop!” Ginny interrupted and Harry instantly stopped talking. “I don't expect you to be okay with this. But I need you to listen to me.

“I love you all, so much, but you need to realise that I need people in my life to talk to. People who's actually experienced the same thing as me. You can be there for me and listen to me, it means so much to me that you're all trying so please, please try to understand this.”

“I like Malfoy. I'm not going to stop talking to him, because I need him in my life right now. We spent nearly three months together in the psychiatric ward and saw sides of each other I don't think either one of us wanted to ever show anyone. But it helped me a lot. I couldn't stand seeing you on my bad days. I was too ashamed to let you see me at my worst. So he saw me instead.”

“He talked me through so many mental breakdowns,” she chuckled at the memories, feeling the sadness swell in her chest. “He understood me. He wasn't disgusted or appalled by my thoughts or by my behaviour. He knew, what to say and what to do and I only got better because of that.”

“You could have told us too,” George mumbled. “That we were saying the wrong things. We would've understood.”

“It's not about that though,” Ginny argued. “You can't say the right thing if you don't know what the right thing is and sometimes I don't even know what's right, I can't demand that from you.”

“We want to create a safe environment for you to recover in. If something’s triggering you, you have to tell us,” Molly said in a soft voice.  

“I'll do better,” Ginny promised. “But sometimes I don't even know what sets me off. I'm just left with this bitter feeling and I don't know how to deal with, even less how to express it.”

“That's why you're talking to Malfoy,” Hermione stated and Ginny nodded.

“I'm not going to give a big speech on how he's changed or force you to even talk about him, but I need you to accept that he's a part of my recovery. He has been since the day I was hospitalized.”

She looked at Ron and held her gaze steady. He pursed his lips before sighing in defeat.

“Fine,” he said. “If he's a part of the reason you're recovering I'll accept that.”

Everyone murmured in agreement. Ginny exhaled in a sigh of relief. She looked at him with gratitude.

“Thank you.”

 

*****

 

Ginny sat with an apple in one hand and a dinner knife in the other.

“You know we could just transfigure something, right?” Ron carefully noted. Ginny chuckled and saw as Hermione and Harry exchanged concerned looks.  

“This is cooler,” Ginny insisted. “This is the psych-ward way of things,” she said dramatically and laughed at their bewildered expressions. She blew air through one of the holes in the apple, and the air came out from the other hole. She smiled victoriously.

They were seated outside, away from the house. Ginny knew her parents were on their way to bed so they had gone outside for some alone time.

_“Alone time”._

“Let's fire this beauty up,” Ginny said with a wicked grin and took her wand. The tip of her wand started to flicker and a small fire appeared. She put her lips around one hole and inhaled as the fire burnt the crumpled up weed stuffed in the other hole. She blew out the smoke and took a few more puffs before passing the apple to Harry. Harry looked completely at loss at the apple before him but then shrugged and proceeded to repeat Ginny's movements.

“Merlin,” he gasped and started coughing violently, smoke coming out harshly from his mouth in small puffs. Ginny smirked at him and patted his back harshly.

“There, there,” she said in between the taps. “Thought you said this wasn't your first time smoking bong?”

Harry stared wide-eyed at her. “A bong? No. An apple? This is definitely a first.”

He laughed when Ginny grinned at him and passed the apple to Ron.

“Who in the bloody hell came up with this?” Ron asked between coughs.

“And why couldn't we just make a joint?” Hermione asked, trying to not sound amused but her face failed her as the hint of a smile danced on her lips.

“Because this is way cooler,” Ginny insisted for fourth time. “It's art,” she exclaimed and held up the apple above her head dramatically after Hermione passed it to her.  

Ron started barking with laughter and Harry soon joined in along with Hermione.

“Merlin, how bloody stoned are you right now?” her brother asked between fits of laughter.   

“It's good though,” she said with a huge grin, letting the question slide by her. She didn't need to tell them. They already had a pretty good idea.

“You said this was the ward way,” Hermione began but then she stopped abruptly and stared with big brown eyes at Ginny, looking almost scandalised.

“Don't tell me you smoked in the hospital?” Hermione hissed, trying to keep her voice down so they wouldn't be heard. Ginny gave her an apologetic look while still smiling a bit too wide.

Ron and Harry almost fell over from laughing.

“That is against so many rules,” Ron howled and Harry snorted.

“What genius even brought drugs to a hospital?” he asked with a chuckle.

“Malfoy,” Ginny immediately replied before she even realised it. She threw a hand over her mouth when she realised her mistake.  

There was a long silence. Ginny looked between them, hand still firmly planted over her lips.

Suddenly Ron started to cackle with laughter.

“You smoked pot with Malfoy?” He cried and this time fell over, landing in the damp grass. Ginny looked uncertain for a while before nodding, giving him a sheepish smile.

“Wow,” was all Hermione managed to press out, shaking her head.

“Yeah,” Ginny said and scratched the back of her head, afraid she might have ruined the mood. “When he was out of paper or tobacco he would smuggle out an apple, a small kitchen knife and-”

“Wait,” Harry interrupted. “He's the who taught you this?”

Ginny nodded and put down the apple.

“How the hell did he manage to do that without getting caught?” Hermione asked astonished. “The security there is insane. They checked my bag every time I brought you something.”

“After a while you just learn to work around it I guess,” she mumbled. “He's been there for five years so he's had plenty of time to figure out the system.”

“Five years?” Ron repeated skeptically. “He's been in there for five years?”

Ginny cursed herself and her rambling mouth. “He hasn't been in there for five years, but he has been there quite a number of times in the last five years,” she corrected.

“How is he?” To her surprise Hermione was the one who broke the silence with the question. Ginny looked surprised at her but was hesitant to speak.

“We don't have to talk about this,” she began in a weak protest. Hermione shook her head.

“I think I'm speaking for everyone here when I say that I'm honestly too high to really care so...” She shrugged and looked over at Harry and Ron.

“Yeah, I'm stoned,” Ron confirmed. “Also we don't care,” he added quickly and Harry nodded in agreement.

Ginny still looked uncertain, her hands rested in her lap as her fingers started to fidget.

“I don't know,” she finally admitted. “I don't know how he is. This is the first time he's written me since I got out.”

“Have you read the letter yet?” Ron asked and frowned when Ginny shook her head. She reached around to feel her back pocket and fingers came in contact with the parchment as she did so. She pulled out the letter and looked down on it. It had been slightly crumpled from being sat on and was damp from the grass.

“Read it,” Hermione encouraged her and Ginny glanced at the others quickly before taking a deep breath. She couldn't understand why she felt so nervous all of a sudden. Her fingers trembled slightly when she opened the envelope and pulled out the letter. She unfolded it and started to skim through it.

She felt her heart drop to her stomach.

“What's wrong?” Hermione asked and Ginny blinked as she looked up. She didn't realize she was frowning until she saw the look of concern on the others faces. She looked down at the paper, feeling torn between wanting to keep it and wanting to burn it at the spot.

Ginny let her eyes slide over the last paragraphs before she crumpled in the letter into a ball and threw it with all her strength. She was startled when Ron flew up from the grass and sprinted after the ball, catching it in his hands. He threw his arms in the air in a victorious gesture and smiled before jogging back to his place. He sat down next to Ginny.

“Don't give me that look,” Ron scolded when he saw her face. “You know as well as I do you were going to regret that later.”

Ginny opened her mouth to protest but realised it was futile. He was right.

He reached out to return the letter and Ginny grudgingly accepted it back.

“What did he say?” Harry asked and Ginny sighed, rubbing her forehead.

“It's nothing,” she mumbled. “We don't have to talk about this.”

“Well, now you've made us all curious so, you might as well,” Ron said and gestured at her to talk. She studied her brother silently before giving in.

“I thought he was better,” she admitted, she tried to sound as unaffected as possible, but knew that her previous actions had proven that she was anything but. “He was on the tube when I met him. When I left he had gained enough to get the tube taken out but...” She looked down at the paper in her hand and her grip tightened, causing it to wrinkle even further.

“He's started losing again?” Ron asked and Ginny nodded. Her eye fell to the ground.

“I shouldn't be surprised,” she said in a frustrated voice. “He has no interest in getting better. He doesn't give two shits about anything or anyone.”

She started pulling up grass from the lawn as she spoke, sounding more and more distressed as she talked.

“Ginny,” Hermione began carefully. “Don't you think Malfoy might become more of a distraction to you?”

She frowned at her. “What do you mean?”

Hermione opened her mouth to speak but Ron interrupted her.

“Well, if he's still sick what's stopping him from dragging you down with him?”

Her frown deepened. “He wouldn't do that,” she hook her head in protest.

“How do you know?” Ron pressed. Ginny glared at him.

“It's not like that,” she argued coldly. “He helped me, even when he was at his worst. He knows better than anyone what a hell this can be; he wouldn't wish it upon anyone.”

She watched as her friends exchanged looks before Ron shrugged. “Well, we said we were okay with it. As long as he doesn't hinder your recovery, we'll stick to that.”

“Thank you,” she spoke in a low voice. “I will in return do my best to focus on myself and not get to caught up with Malfoy,” she promised and felt her brother reach out a hand to settle it on her shoulder. Without looking at him she took back the apple and lit her wand. After another few puffs she passed it to Harry.

 “The thing is,” she began slowly. “He doesn't care. Living, dying, it's all the same to him.”

She burrowed her face in her hands and groaned in frustration. “He's such a tosser,” she grumbled.

“Thought we already established that part,” Ron said with a small cough as he tossed the apple to Hermione.

“Yeah well, soon he'll be a dead tosser at that,” she shook her head and glared at down at the grass.

“It's that bad, huh?”

Ginny could see Harry lean forward from the corner of her eye as he spoke, trying to make eye contact. She didn't meet his gaze. She just gave a slight nod with her head.

“I want to see him,” Ginny announced firmly. “But... I'm scared. I don't want to visit him if all I can think about when I see him is if it's going to be the last. Just thinking about going there, knowing that's where he's going to die, inside that place.” She shook her head, unable to find words to accurately describe how dreadful it felt.   

“I feel guilty,” she admitted, voice breaking. “I feel like I owe it to him. I know he doesn't think like that, which is part of the reason I feel so mad at him.”  

She sniffed and blinked away the tears, feeling angry at herself for being so emotional.  

“He's sitting there with a tube up his nose because he can't and won't eat, but then turns around and preach to others about how important life is and how we all need to stay alive for a reason.”

“How dare he?” Ron drawled with a bit too much sarcasm and earned himself an icy glare from his sister. Hermione smacked him lightly and gave him a warning look.

“Sorry,” he mumbled and rubbed his eyes. “I think we're all done with this.” He held up the apple and inspected in for a few seconds before throwing it away. He rubbed his nose and sighed deeply before turning to face his sister.

“Listen,” he began. “I'm going to regret this tomorrow,” he added under his breath, causing Ginny to raise an eyebrow at him. He rubbed his face before continuing. “If you want to see him, but don't feel like going back to the hospital, you can...” he gestured with his arms as if Ginny was suppose to know what he meant by that. She didn't. She just stared at him in utter confusion. Ron pursed his lips, looking frustrated. “Invite him over. For dinner.”

Everyone seemed to be taken by surprise at the suggestion. Ginny stared at him wide eyed.

“Ron,” she began but her brother immediately interrupted her.

“Look,” he said, speaking as if every word seemed to cause him pain. “If Malfoy is part of the reason you were able to recover in there and come back home, it's my duty-as one of your older brothers-to thank him.” The last words seemed to leave a bitter after taste in his mouth as his nose wrinkled slightly and he swallowed hard.  

“Invite him,” he repeated, sounding more exhorting his time. Ginny studied him for a while as she tried to figure out if he really meant it, or if it was just the weed talking.

“He can't,” she finally said. “They won't allow him to go anywhere on permission if he doesn't gain.”

“Then tell him to eat a bloody cheeseburger so he can join us for dinner,” Ron pressed in a nonchalant voice while casually shrugging.

Ginny was stunned and when she glanced over at Hermione and Harry she could see them smiling, almost looking amused as they watched them.

“He's not going to eat,” Ginny tried to argue but Ron just waved his hand at her.

“Just invite him before I change my mind.”

She shook her head as she chuckled. “Okay, but remember this was your idea.”

 

***

 

_Weaslette._

 

_Miss me? You can say no all you want, but I do happen to be sitting on a mountain of letters, which you've written that would prove otherwise. While I appreciate the gesture, there is really no need for you to write me twice a week. I'm fully aware that I might have contributed to your obvious insanity; I could have just written you back after the first letter and that would've been that. It's never that easy though, is it?_

 

 _I could lie and tell you I'm fine, but I won't. We're hardly close enough to be lying in order to protect one another's feelings so I won't bother. You should find yourself unruffled by the fact that I'm not really recovering. Instead of going forward I seem to have slipped and fallen back a few hundred steps instead. The tube is back inside me. I'm not sure I ever did, but_ _if_ _I ever did have a tube fetish, that is long gone by now. I'm very done with getting tube's shoved inside me without my full consent._

  _As for you, Weaslette, I'm glad to hear you're doing well, but you need to stop self-sabotaging. You might think you need my help still, but you don't. You just need someone to corroborating your feelings. See a therapist. Let your friends and family be there for you. They will never get it, but that's the beauty of it. Don't surround yourself with crazy people (like me) who understand you so you can justify your feelings. Nothing good ever comes from that and it will only become a hindrance for your recovery._

 

_I am here though. If you need to vent or whatever. I'll be the first to listen, but also the first one to call bollocks on any nonsense you bring my way._

 

_Take care_

_D.Malfoy_

 

***

 

_Malfoy._

 

_Shut up and eat a bloody cheeseburger. You're invited to join me for dinner at the Burrow when you're granted permission._

 

_Don't be a dick._

_G._ _Weasley_

_******_

 

“I regret this,” Ron loudly announced to his family. “I will take full responsibility for what's about to happen, but I want you all to know; I regret this.”

Ginny rolled her eyes at him. “Don't be so dramatic.”

“No Malfoy has ever set their foot here, I think we can be a little dramatic about it,” George chimed in sounding very matter of fact about it.

Neither Molly nor Arthur had said anything about the visit. They hadn't seemed all that happy about it, but they also hadn't been actively working against it. Ginny suspected Ron might have sweet talked them after she made the announcement two weeks ago. By now she was back home in her own apartment but the once a week dinner still took place at the Burrow.

“Okay,” Ginny said. “Quick notes, mom,” she began and turned to her Molly. “I love you so much and I know you mean well but please, please refrain from commenting on his body.”

Ginny knew her mother probably didn't even think about it. But it was something she had been doing as long as she could remember. Casual comments along the lines of “You look like a twig” and “You need some meat on your bone” was fine before, but since Ginny got home she made it clear that she didn't want those comments about her body. She needed to make sure her mother understood the impact words could have, even if they weren't ill intended.

“No force feeding either,” she added quickly when Molly looked like she was about to protest. “If he says no, just let it go.”

Molly looked disgruntled but nodded despite that. Ginny smiled before turning to Arthur.

“Dad,” she said and he raised an eyebrow at her. “I know you wouldn't, but just in case, don't bring up his father. He doesn't like talking about him and gets grumpy if someone even says his name.”

Arthur nodded silently. Ginny turned to face her two brothers, along with Harry and Hermione.

“You don't have to talk to him,” she said quickly. “The fact that you're even okay with this-”

“I don't think any of us are, actually,” George interjected. Ginny sighed and but her bottom lip.

“I know,” she said. “If he does anything out of line I'll be the first one to toss him out on his arse,” she promised.

“You can yell and shout at him all you want,” she added. “But try avoiding violence.”

“Why? Is he fragile?”

Ginny knew the question was meant as a joke. Ron and Harry chuckled at the mere thought of Malfoy being delicate.

“Yes,” she said, deadpan.

Both the boys fell silent as they realised Ginny wasn't being humorous. Ron opened his mouth and was just about to say something when there was a knock at the door. Ginny spun around and quickly made her way to the hallway.

She swung the door open and was greeted by an unpredicted sight. She was met with not only one but two people standing on the porch.

The first thing she noticed was Malfoy. More specifically she noticed the tube still attached to his face.  

The fact that they had let him out on permission despite not gaining at all seemed preposterous to Ginny. Yet, here he was, paler, thinner and more tired-looking than the first time she saw him in the ward. The same emptiness seemed to glimmer in his eyes, causing him to look completely vacant.

The second thing she noticed was the man behind Malfoy. Judging from his uniform Ginny could tell he was from the hospital, probably acting as an escort.

When Malfoy slightly wavered from where he was standing Ginny noticed the third and final thing. Malfoy was on crutches. Her eyes widened as they scanned down his body until she could see damage. His left foot was tightly bandage, from the tip of his toes all the way up his knee. He didn't look too hurt, as he still seemed to be able to put weight on the bad foot.

 Her eyes came back up to rest on his face and only then it seemed like Malfoy noticed her. His face shone up as he grinned at her. Ginny didn't know what else to do than just move into the hallway, allowing Malfoy to limp forward as he entered the house. He looked like he was about to say something when the other man spoke.

“I'll be back for you in an hour,” he informed Malfoy firmly, hardly even paying attention to Ginny. Still she gave a small wave of her hand-which he completely ignored-before closing the door behind Malfoy.

“Is he always that sociable?” she asked Malfoy chuckled.

“Your devastatingly good looks must've caught him off guard.” He gave her an amused smirk and Ginny snorted before shaking her head.

“Don't try to distract me with flattery, Malfoy,” Ginny said and raised her eyebrows at him while giving him a meaningful look. Malfoy smile faltered.

“What happened?” she asked and sighed when he looked away. For a moment it looked like he was about to answer, but instead he winced at the sudden sound of voices coming from the kitchen.

“We should join them,” Malfoy said quietly. Ginny wanted to argue, but refrained from it. Instead she gave a small nod and proceeded to make her way over to the kitchen. When she passed Malfoy he let go of one of his crutches to quickly grab her wrist.

“Weaslette?” he said softly. Ginny stood silently with her eyes fixed on the ground before shifting slightly to look him in the eye. He smiled at her.

“You look happy.”

Ginny hadn't realised how much she needed to hear that until it was said. She felt a warmth swell up in her chest she carefully wrapped her around Malfoy. She made certain he was sturdy enough before leaning on to him. They both ignored the loud sound as one of the crutches tipped over and slammed against the floor when Malfoy let go of it to set on hand on top of her head.

The sound of a throat being cleared caused the both of them to wince and look up.

“We heard a noise,” Ron began but his words died in his mouth when he saw Malfoy. Ginny chewed anxiously on her lower lip as she glanced between him and her brother. A moment of silence dragged by as the two boys just stared at each other. Ron opened and closed his mouth repeatedly, trying to say something, anything to get some conversation going.

Malfoy was starting to look uncomfortable, unable to decided if he should wait for Ron to piece back his brain- that seemed to have exploded in his head-together again or if he should let Ginny take over and save her brother from any further embarrassment.

When nothing happened Malfoy sighed and made eye contact with Ron before speaking.

“Do I have something on my face?”

Ginny did her best to keep her face straight. She knew the question was rhetorical but found it exceedingly amusing to watch as her brother as he struggled to read Malfoy's expression.

When she realised he was about to point out the obvious she mouthed “NO” at him the minute they got eye contact. Ron swallowed and said nothing. Malfoy looked between the siblings before snorting.

“It's funny, cause I have a tube taped to my face,” he clarified, despite knowing full well the joke hadn't gone completely over Ron's head. “Tough crowd,” he added and gave her a meaningful look.

Ginny a smirk. Finally Ron seemed to relax a bit.

“Glad you could make it,” He said and gave him a forced smile while reaching out his hand. Malfoy looked down at himself, on hand was still holding a crutch and he's free arm was draped around Ginny's shoulders. Ginny quickly moved out of the grip, allowing the two boys to shake hands.

“Thank you for the invitation,” Malfoy responded politely.

“Do you need any help?” Ron asked and gestured towards the crutches.

“Nah, just lead the way,” he said cheerily. “I'm starving. Literally.”

Ginny hid her smile and looked up at Ron who still looked absolutely bewildered.  

“Is he always like this?” Ron asked her quietly and Ginny glanced behind them to see Malfoy limping after them, eyes focused on the ground as his face winced in pain from every step he took.

“You get use to it,” she mumbled before stopping. “Is it broken?” she finally asked Malfoy. He stilled and looked at her before looking down on his foot again.

“Not really. More like a tiny sprain.” Ron snorted and Malfoy gave him an icy look.

“Mate,” he said. “I know sprains and fractures. Whatever you're dealing with far exceeds a tiny sprain.”

Ginny glared at Malfoy who did everything in his power to avoid looking at her.

“Why are you lying?” she asked calmly. “I thought you said we didn't have that type of friendship.”

“It wasn't a lie,” Malfoy argued quietly. “You asked if it was broken. It's not.”

“So what is it then?”

Malfoy huffed and shook his head. “I don't know,” he finally said.

“I fell. As one does. Normally my body would've just taken the fall but apparently I've been having some bone density loss...”

“Osteoporosis?” Ginny asked and Malfoy nodded.

“It's fine,” he said in an attempt to wave it off. “As long as you don't throw me down the stairs, I think I'm good.”

“Well there goes my fun then,” Ron said with shrug. To both her and Malfoy's amusement Ron just left them, rounding the corner as he entered the kitchen and disappeared. Malfoy chuckled and Ginny shook her head, still smiling.

“Are you ready for the lion's den?” she asked with a wicked grin and Malfoy's smile widened.

“I knew you were up to something,” he smirked. “Why else would you invite an anorexic to a dinner party?”

Ginny pondered for a while before slowly walking away from him. Before she rounded the corner she turned to him.

“Because we were out of toothpicks.”

She grinned in triumph and didn't even bother to see if Malfoy was actually laughing at her idiotic joke before entering the kitchen.

 Side note: He was.

 

***

 


	2. Harry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to start off by saying my sincerest condolence to all of you that were affected by the Las Vegas shooting. My love goes out to all of you <3
> 
> I'm honestly so overwhelmed by all the  
> comments you've left. It means so much to mean, I truly was not expecting it! My main goal was to portray the ugliness of mental health issues and I'm so happy that's appreciated. So thank you all <3 I love you much!!!!
> 
> Slightly relevant things for this chapter: the year is 2008, making Ginny 27 and the rest 28 if I'm not mistaken. Also Hermione's black :) if I didn't mention it in the last chapter sorry! 
> 
> Anyway I hope you enjoy this:*

***

2

*****

Harry Potter was quite certain he would never be able to forgive himself for not noticing it sooner. The fact that he, along with the rest of the Weasley's, had brushed Ron off when he voiced his concerns about Ginny made his gut twist in discomfort. He should have seen it sooner. Ginny had always been the type of person who turned to exercise when she needed to wind down. It used to be her meditation and therefore Harry hadn't thought much about it until he noticed the physical difference on her. Not until they actually confronted her about it had he realized how bad it was. Her complete denial in the beginning had scared him, as well as her reaction when they demanded she got better. He was relieved when she finally decided to get the help she clearly needed. Still, not a day went by without Harry blaming himself for her condition. They might be former partners but Harry still loved her dearly, she was family to him after all. Even if their breakup had been nasty-just like the last years of their relationship-they had managed to put it behind them and become friends again. 

The war had left them deeply traumatized and the fact that they had both thrown themselves into education and work without properly working through it had severely damaged their relationship. Both of them became depressed and both of them turned to unhealthy habits in order to cope with it. Harry started drinking, a lot, and Ginny started distancing herself from family, friends and Harry. They wouldn't talk about it until Harry hit the bottle at night and they started screaming at each other. Then the next day they would kiss and make up, only to later repeat their behaviour. One day after a particularly nasty fight they avoided each other all day, until Harry came home to see Ginny standing in the hallway, bags packed.

“I'm going to stay with Hermione and Ron,” she had announced to him and Harry had been furious. 

“Fine, run away from your problems, like you always do,” he had snarled at her. He expected to get a rise out of her but it didn't happen. Instead she had stood quietly and allowed Harry to rant until he was finished. Then she had just shook her head and said “Goodbye, Harry,” and left.

He was angry at her for days. When he finally calmed down he asked Ginny to meet him. Harry hadn't realised how bitter he still was until he actually saw her, but he still proceeded to apologize, making empty promises of getting help and doing better from now on. This time, Ginny didn't fall for it.

“We're not good for each other,” she had said. “What we're doing, it's not healthy.” 

Suddenly Harry felt all his emotions getting sucked out of him and he was overcome with fatigue. She was right. They were toxic for each other. Both taking out all their anger and sadness on each other and both refusing to get help for it. 

“This is it, isn't it?” he had whispered sorrowfully. Ginny had nodded, tears forming in her eyes. 

“I'm sorry,” she had whispered. That's where they left it for over a year. After that they stopped talking, stopped hanging out and ignored each other completely if they somehow ended up in the same room. Ron and Hermione had been determined to not interfere, but after an entire year they had enough.

“You know you're my best mate,” Ron had said to Harry. “But you can't keep this up, you need to find a way to at least tolerate each other!” 

“Tell that to her,” Harry had mumbled grumpily. 

“I already did,” Ron had said. “Now I'm telling you.”

They never let it on, but Harry could tell that his and Ginny's problems had severely affected his relationship with both Ron and Hermione. Still, he wasn't ready to make nice with her. He was no longer angry with her, but seeing her left his heart aching with sadness. 

That's what happens when you break up. You start remembering all the good times and forget why you broke up in the first place. When the pain finally had subsided though, Harry started feeling ashamed. Looking back on their relationship he knew he had treated Ginny horrendously and he could hardly blame her if she chose to never forgive him. 

Eventually, he did work up the courage to ask for her forgiveness. But he knew in order to show her that he was truly serious this time, he started seeing a mind healer. He started working through his problems, his trauma and his addiction.  

When he finally approached her and told her he was getting better they had agreed to begin working on their friendship. It had been tense in the beginning, but as the years went by they grew closer and closer again. Now their relationship was stronger than ever and they still loved each other dearly. Harry would always regret those last months of their relationship but at the same time he was grateful that they had managed to work through it and come back stronger than ever. They would never go back to dating though, both had felt they were better off as friends. The fact that once they actually became good friends again they also became quite touchy-feely confused the Weasley's in the beginning, however they realised soon that that was just the sort of relationship they had now. 

Today there was nothing Harry wouldn't do for Ginny. He loved her and she loved him, but they were over each other and they were happy.

When Ginny was hospitalized Harry found himself revisiting the memories of their relationship, wondering if he was to blame for it all. Everyday he asked himself what he could have done differently, if there was something he could've said to prevent it all. Everyday he wondered if their relationship had left her more emotionally scarred than she let on.  

Ginny told him it had nothing to do with that. 

It had taken him an entire week for him to go see her. He wasn't exactly sure why it took him so long to visit. Maybe a part of him hadn't really wanted to face the reality of the situation. It was one thing to talk about it and another thing to see it. Despite the fact that Ginny had been deteriorating right before their own eyes, it was another thing to see her in there. He kept imagining the worst every time he thought about seeing her and eventually he got too scared to go.

When he eventually did go to see her she looked better than he had expected. She didn't necessarily look better, but she also didn't look worse. Once he sat face to face with her though, his emotions was no longer under his control. He didn't cry, but his heart felt heavy and every word he said was difficult to get out. When he finally managed to get his question out she had stared at him with wide eyes and immediately taken both his hands in her own. They were freezing cold against his own warm skin but her fingers were as soft as ever. She had looked him in the eyes and spoke in a firm voice, hardly even blinking as she did so.

“Harry James Potter,” she had said. “This has nothing to do with you, okay? This is all on me, no one is to blame for this.” she had said as she squeezed his hand. “You're not the only one who went to see a mind healer after the break up,” she then proceeded to tell him. “Whatever issues I had when we were together and whatever emotional damaged that came after it, I worked through it.” 

If there was anything Harry had learnt from Ginny's sickness it was that she was a good liar, yet part of him believed her. Maybe it was wishful thinking, maybe she truly meant it, either way, Harry trusted her. Even if he still questioned it he didn't bring it up again. 

After their first meeting Harry had started visiting her more frequently. Some days she looked better, other days she looked worse. 

One day when he came to visit her he had immediately noticed that something was wrong. Her face looked empty, eyes red rimmed and faint bruises could be seen around her wrists. She had been crying. He had hurriedly walked over to her and pulled her into a hug. She didn't say anything, she just wrapped her arm around him and let out a shaky breath. He didn't ask any question, if she wanted to tell him she would, but he wasn't going to press it. 

They never did talk about it and Harry still wondered what had happened that day and what had caused her wrists to look like that.

After a month Ginny started talking about “this guy”. She never mentioned who it was and always talked about him in a distant way, sometimes even acting like she was talking about different people. Harry could tell though and so could Hermione and Ron. They found themselves talking about it with each other after the visits, wondering who “this guy” was whom Ginny seemed to have grown so close to.  One day when Ron and Harry had visited they finally asked her, no longer capable of keeping their curiosity inside.

“This guy,” Ron had began. “Do I have something to worry about?” He had asked her in a jestingly manner, but Harry could tell part of him was being solemn. They were all slightly worried about Ginny getting too attached to the people in there, none of them wanted anything to occur that could hinder her recovery. Ginny however, just laughed.

“Don't worry about it,” she had said with an amused chuckle. “I'm not exactly his type.”  

“I have a hard time believing that,” Harry had said with a warm smile and Ginny snorted.

“Well, believe it,” she said with a shrug. “I am of no interest to him and I have no interest in him either.” 

“You sure?” Ron had pressed. “You do talk an awful lot about him.”

“He's gay,” Ginny had finally said in a monotone voice. 

“Oh,” Ron had said with a look of surprise before his face turned thoughtful.

“Yeah, you're definitely not his type,” he concluded and Ginny had laughed while shaking her head.

Once in awhile Ginny would ask them to not come and visit her. Those times they worried, but respected her wishes nonetheless. 

Then came the day she got discharged. She looked much healthier already, despite the fact that it only had been a few months. Harry was so relieved to finally see part of the old Ginny surface again. He had been so unfocused at work during the hospitalisation that they pulled him away from the field and stuck him with paperwork. Hermione had done the best she could to to convince the head auror to let him back out in the field with her, but was repeatedly denied. Once Ginny was out though and once he saw that she was genuinely recovering he finally managed to calm his anxiety and go back to focusing on work. He wasn't completely over it, but the fact that he could stop worrying about her dying any time soon did a lot for him. 

Then came the day of the big reveal. 

To say that Harry was shocked to hear about Ginny's blossoming relationship with Malfoy was the understatement of the year. When she had left the three of them alone they had all stood completely stunned to silence for almost a full minute until Ron had spoken.

“Does this mean that the guy is-”

“Draco Malfoy?” Hermione had ended while nodding. “Yup.”

Harry had not thought before opening his mouth and voicing his first concern. 

“Does that mean Malfoy's gay?” he asked dumbly and both Hermione and Ron had turned slowly to look at him in disbelief.  

“How is that your first reaction?” Hermione asked perplexed and Ron shook his head, clearly hiding an amused smirk.

“What the actually fuck, Harry?” he snorted and Harry brought up his shoulders to his ears while he had looked defensive. 

“What?” he asked, but Hermione and Ron had only exchanged knowing glances before letting it go. 

“You think there's a chance he's actually faking it?” Hermione had asked Ron instead. He looked trouble before letting out a heavy sigh and rubbing his face.

“I don't know,” he mumbled. “I don't trust him for as far as I could throw him but..” He scratched the back of his head in an anxious manner. “She's my sister. If she believes talking to him is good for her-which I sincerely doubt-I'm not going to be the one to tell her no.”

“How come we never saw him?” Harry asked. “We were there so often, we should have seen him.”

“I don't know. Maybe he hid?” Ron suggested. 

“Either way,” Hermione mumbled. “She's here now. That's all that matters, right?” she looked up at Ron and he gave her a warm smile before wrapping one arm around her shoulders.

“Yeah,” he said, but he still looked deep in thought. 

“What is it?” Hermione asked, eyebrows furrowed in concern. Ron hesitated before speaking.

“I think I might,” he began slowly, watching his girlfriend's carefully. “I think I want to invite him over,” he finally said in a hasty voice. Both Hermione and Harry looked at him with disarray written all over their faces.

“Why?” Hermione asked slowly. Ron looked at her, a clear battle going on in his head.

“I don't know,” he mumbled. “The war ended years ago, maybe it's time to bury the hat shed-”

“Hatchet,” Harry corrected.

“Right... Besides, if Malfoy was as much help to her as she tells us, maybe we should thank him?” He looked at them with a worried expression, expecting them to be angry and upset with him. But they weren't. Instead Hermione nodded slowly.

“Okay,” she said and Harry nodded. 

“Yeah?” Ron asked unsure. “Are you okay with that?”

Hermione bit her bottom lip and nodded. “Yeah, I think you're right,” she said and gave him a soft smile before leaning in to plant a kiss in his mouth.

Later that evening they went out for a smoke. It was Harry who had started using pot after he stopped seeing the mind healer. He still had a lot of anger issues to deal with and he found that weed was really good when he felt tense and on edge. The first time he had introduced it to his friends had been hilarious. Hermione became even more political than usual and started ranting about all sort of things only to stop after a while and mumbling “What we're talking about?” 

Ron became a storyteller and theorist, only to side track so much he too lost his train of thoughts. Ginny became the most stereotypical example of a stoner; giggling at every little thing and expressing how much she loved everything and everyone. 

Harry would just sit there with an amused smile, hardly listening but still nodding at everything they said. He didn't smoke a lot, every now and then to help him relax and sometimes sleep. He preferred smoking over sleeping draught, he always felt hungover the day after when he took it.  

Harry had been really impressed by Ginny's resistance that night, up until she let it slip that she had smoked while being in the hospital. With Malfoy.

Harry couldn't even describe the amusement at the image alone. He found himself wondering why, how and when he had started, also wondering what he was like when he was high. Maybe, if Malfoy turned out to be a decent bloke to hang around, he could invite him to join them sometime. Though Harry wasn't expecting too much from him. 

When Ginny finally invited him, Malfoy seemed reluctant to come. He had sent several letters protesting and telling her no and finally Ginny had written him telling him that she wasn't going to force him, but that she missed him and that it would mean a lot to her if he came. That seemed to finally had done it and he caved. 

“Are sure this is good idea?” Hermione had asked anxiously.

“If you want me to cancel-”

“No,” Hermione insisted quickly. “I'm just...” She looked hesitant for a moment and bit her bottom lip before continuing.

“I'm just worried, mainly for Harry and Ron. I'm scared that seeing him might bring up all these unresolved feelings and...” She went quiet and looked down on her fidgeting hands. Ginny didn't hesitate to take her hands in her own and give them a reassuring squeeze.

“If that's the case just tell me,” she said softly. “I'll send him home and we'll never have to speak of this or him again.” 

Harry hadn't meant to eavesdrop on their conversation or even spy on them, but as he had heard his name mentioned he couldn't help as his curiosity peaked. He would be lying if he said he wasn't worried about the same thing. Putting everything that had happened behind them was more difficult than it might have sounded, but he was still willing to give it a try. For Ginny's sake. He could tell this was something she needed and if it helped her recovery he would be more than happy to have Malfoy over. Even if it was...Malfoy. 

Still, he didn't know what to expect from the whole ordeal or from Malfoy. He could only hope things didn't turn out for the worst.  

 

*****

 

When Ginny entered the kitchen followed by a limping Draco Malfoy, Harry found himself speechless. Ginny had repeatedly told them he was bad, but only upon seeing him did he realise just how bad. Harry had never considered Malfoy ugly, in fact, he was quite attractive, in a generic sort of way. Now however, there was nothing about him that looked good. 

He felt his gut twist in discomfort as he set his eyes on what had become of the once prideful, young Malfoy heir. His face was nothing but wrinkles, looking ready to burst at the slightest change of expression. His hair was thin and hung around his face like blonde strings. His cheeks hollow, extending the bone structure in his face. His body was hidden under layers of clothing, but Harry could still tell how bad it was from his wrists, fingers, neck, collarbones. The way his shirt hung around him like he was nothing more than mere clothing hanger and his pants swayed around his legs, having absolutely nothing to cling to. His eyes looked empty and the dark bags underneath them stuck out like a sore thumb against his pale complexion. His lips looked dry and dehydrated, dead skin hanging off them. 

When their eyes met Harry gave him a polite nod and Malfoy returned the gesture. He discreetly looked around at the table, glancing at the rest of the family to confirm that they were just as shocked at the sight of the young man, judging by the countenance on their faces. 

Malfoy looked stiff, looking around the table with tired eyes, thoughtful as he seemed to be deciding what to say. Ginny looked just as tense, mouth opening before closing again. Harry could see that she wanted to break the awkward silence but was unsure of what to say in order to do so. She finally decided against saying anything at all and instead pulled out a chair for him, allowing Malfoy to sit down.

“Thank you,” he mumbled and took a seat. He looked around the table and everyone seemed to avoid staring at him, keeping their eyes focused in the table. To Harry's surprise, George was the one who finally broke the silence. 

“So, Malfoy,” he began in a light voice. Malfoy looked at him with wide eyes and almost an afraid expression on his face. “How's life treating you?”

Malfoy looked relieved for a second before smirking at him. 

“Like a bloody joke,” he finally said and to Harry's astonishment George actually laughed. Malfoy gave him an amused grin and suddenly the tension around the table seemed to lift.  

“What have you been up to?” Ron asked in a strained voice as he tried to sound polite. Malfoy looked at him, the small smile still adorned his face.

“Starvation, self loathing, and planning my own funeral” he informed them in a casually voice, causing Ron to almost choke on his own tongue. He looked at Malfoy with a stunned expression, mouth slightly agape as his eyes flickered. Harry looked at Ginny and saw her press her lips together as she fought to keep herself from from laughing. He saw Hermione shift in her chair with an unconformable look on her face. 

“And you guys?” he asked. “What have you been up to?” 

Hermione, Ron and Harry exchanged looks and all of them seemed hesitant to answer.

“Well,” Ron began slowly. “I'm a healer.” He looked over to Hermione and Harry, giving them both a tense look to tell them to talk as well.

“I'm an auror,” Harry said. “And Hermione is my partner.”

Draco nodded and gave them both a slightly impressed look. “That's unexpected,” he noted, directing the statement to Hermione. She raised and eyebrow at him.

“Why?” she asked coldly. “Because I'm a girl?” 

Malfoy snorted at her. “Of course not,” he said and looked almost offended. “I just always thought you were meant for greater things, like being the minister of magic.”

Hermione's eyes widened slightly in surprise and Harry too was taken aback by his reply. Both him and Ron had been encouraging her to run for minister lately, fully believing that she would be an excellent candidate. He found it interesting that Malfoy thought the same thing.  

“Told you so,” he said with a small smile and looked at Hermione, who blushed and looked down. 

“You thought about running?” Malfoy asked curiously, slightly tilting his head as he observed Hermione. She hesitantly looked up, her brown eyes locking with Malfoy's icy blue ones. She shrugged her shoulders.

“Maybe,” she mumbled in a quiet voice. “I do have a few ideas but I don't know.” She went silent and looked away again.

“What kind of ideas?” he asked, sounding genuinely interested. Hermione looked at Harry almost confused before directing her gaze back at Malfoy before shifting slightly in her chair. 

“I'd like to bring more attention to the marginalised groups in the wizard community, like muggle-born and half-bloods. Incorporate a muggle studies class in schools for example.” She looked at Malfoy, clearly expecting a rude response to her answer, but it never came. Instead he hummed while nodding understandingly.

“You know,” he said and leaned forward. “My father might be dead, but the Malfoy name still has an impact on the ministry, despite our past.. I'd be more than happy to put in a good word for you.” 

Hermione's mouth fell slightly open and her eyes widened even more before she closed her moutj and pressed her lips together, giving him a suspicious look. 

“Really?” She asked and raised a delicate brow at him. Malfoy leaned back in his chair and crossed his arm.

“Of course,” he said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “I mean, going in and out of a mental institution for years might have tainted my reputation slightly, but I could always try.” He gave Hermione a crooked smile and she looked at Ron, who nodded encouragingly at her. She let her eyes drift back to Malfoy before nodding tensely.

“I'd like that,” she said quietly. “Thank you, Malfoy.” She sounded almost amazed and Harry couldn't blame her. Every word that came out from his mouth sounded almost preposterous. He was almost tempted to ask what had happened to the real Malfoy.

“No need to thank me,” he said and looked Hermione in the eyes, an almost embarrassed expression took form on his face. “It's the least I can do for you after all the years of torment I put you through in school.” He looked down as he started to pick at the dry skin on his hands. Hermione said nothing and let her eyes drift over to Ginny who gave her a warm smile. 

“Malfoy,” Molly suddenly said. “Would you like some food? It's almost ready. The rice should be done any minute now,” she looked at the watch on the wall behind Malfoy, squinting her eyes slightly to see the time.

“No thank you,” Malfoy replied in a polite tone. “I'm trying to watch my figure.” Ginny snorted at that and Malfoy looked over at her, giving her a smug grin. Molly looked completely at loss and watched the two of them in utter disarray.  

“So, Weasley,” Malfoy began, causing every Weasley to perk up from their seats. “Not you,” he added and waved his hand dismissively at Ron, causing Harry to snigger and Ron shot him a glare. Malfoy gave Harry a small but amused smile before turning his focus to George. “Do you still run your joke shop?”

George lit up ever so slightly at the question. “Yeah,” he replied with a grin. “I do.” 

“Ginerva told me Lovegood works for you, is that correct?” he asked and took a sip of water, watching George from behind the rim of the glass.  George nodded in confirmation and Malfoy hummed while looking at nothing for a while with a content expression on his face.

“I like her,” he said after a while. “Tell her I said hi.” 

George studied him for a moment before leaning forward and resting his arms on the table.

“Why don't you do it yourself,” he said with a shrug and Malfoy's eyebrows wrinkled in a question expression. “When you get discharged. Come by and say hi.”

Malfoy looked almost amused but nodded nonetheless.

“Maybe I will, if I live long enough to do so.” George frowned at that but Malfoy just grinned widely at him. Harry couldn't help but note that despite the fact that he was smiling, his eyes looked completely void of any emotions whatsoever. He looked completely vacant. 

Suddenly Molly stood up, mumbling something about the food being ready before stalking over to the stove. 

“So,” Harry began as Molly started to serve up food on their plates. “How's your mother doing, Malfoy?”

Malfoy shrugged his shoulders as he brought his hands up to his mouth, pulling off the dead skin from his lips.

“As well as can be expected when you have a son who's being consumed by a lethal illness instead of being a normal grown up. I don't think neither of us expected that I would be practically living in the psych ward at my age, but you know what they say -expect the unpredictable,” He smiled and Harry glanced at Ron who frowned.

“I don't think that's the saying,” he pointed out and Malfoy waved his hand dismissively at him. 

“Potato, potáta,” he said and Ginny shook her head in amusement.

“What happened to your leg?” Arthur suddenly asked, who had been silent ever since Malfoy's arrival. Malfoy looked at him dumbfounded before looking down on his leg.  

“Oh, you know,” he began. “The usual -falling down like the goblin forsaken imbecile that I am and spraining my ankle.”

Harry frowned at him. “Aren't there healing potions for that?” he asked as he recalled his second year and he looked over at Ron who nodded.

“Affirmative,” Malfoy said with half a nod. “But I have to take it in small doses every day, otherwise my body will go into shock or whatever, like it didn't already do that from all the abuse I've put it through.” He chuckled to himself and took another sip of water. 

“Why didn't you reply to my letters?” Ginny suddenly asked and crossed her arms over her chest in an unsatisfied manner. Malfoy stared at her for a while before letting out a dramatic sight.

“I'm sorry, Ginerva,” he said in an apologetic tone. “I got caught up with my self-destructive behaviour and my depressed arse decided to isolate itself from everyone.” 

“You still could’ve written,” she mumbled grumpily. “I was worried about you.” Malfoy scratched the back of his head and for moment he looked guilty.

“I'm sorry,” he said earnestly. “I won't do it again.” He brought up his hand to grab Ginny's, giving it a reassuring squeeze. She gave him a small smile and Malfoy responded the same way, smiling with such a caring expression on his face. Harry was absolutely fascinated with their relationship. He hadn't realized how close they were until now, despite the fact that Ginny had told them several times. Suddenly Arthur cleared his throat, causing Malfoy to quickly let go of her hand and look down in an almost shameful manner. Harry saw Ginny shoot him a glare, but Arthur ignored her.  

“So, Malfoy,” he said and shifting in his chair. “What does that tube do?” He took a bite from his food and studied Malfoy as he brought his hand up to feel the tube that was attached to his face.

“Keeping me alive, unfortunately,” he said Ginny smacked his arm lightly. “It pumps liquid calories down my stomach, they're trying to make me fat, those bastard.” 

“Can't you just drink potions?” George asked, eyebrows creased. 

“Of course,” Malfoy said with, rolling his head from one side to the other. “But I wouldn't drink it even if my life depended on it -which it kind of does.”

“Why are you even in the hospital if you have no interest in getting better?” Hermione finally asked in an exasperated tone. Malfoy looked at her, seeming hesitant to answer as he ran his tongue over his lips, shifting in his seat uncomfortable. He sighed.

“Granger, I would like nothing more than lie in my bed as I let my body decay and rot, unfortunately however, I have a mother who loves me very much and is also a terrifying fucking woman when she doesn't get her way.”

“I hear you,” Ron mumbled under his breath, earning himself a death glare from Molly.

“Language,” she said and looked at Malfoy, who blushed slightly.

“Apologise,” he said and Molly nodded satisfied. 

Harry was nothing more than absolutely amazed by this new Malfoy. He was nothing like he had remembered, he was actually quite endurable, even if he's self-deprecating humour made them uneasy and left a slightly bitter aftertaste in Harry's mouth. He was funny, in a weird sort of way. Ginny had warned them about his jokes but he didn't realise how obscure they were until he actually heard them himself. It was almost brutal the way he talked about himself. 

Harry found himself wondering what had happened to cause him to become like this. Was this his way of coping with the aftermath of the war, he wondered to himself. He almost felt tempted to ask him, but decided against it. It was hardly an appropriate dinner conversation and he doubted that he would tell him even if asked him. He felt sure that Malfoy wouldn't be able to answer him seriously and he most definitely wasn't going to tell Harry about it. Harry was astonished by the fact that he actually really enjoyed Malfoy's company and how well he seemed to get along with everyone. He found himself wondering what else there was to this new Malfoy, if there was more depth to him than he showed. He was kind of hoping that Ginny would invite him again. 

“Honestly, I don't feel so swell at the moment. Mind if I use your floo to fire call the hospital?” He asked Ginny and Harry noted that he indeed did not look too well. He seemed, if possible, even paler and his eyes looked tired.

“Already?” Ginny asked disappointed and Malfoy rubbed his face.

“Sorry, love, but my head's kind of spinning at the moment,” he mumbled and leaned down to get the crutch from the floor. He supported himself as he heaved himself up from his chair. The minute he was on his feet Harry saw as Malfoy's eyes rolled to the back his head before he tipped over backwards. Ginny and Harry both flew up from their seats but was half a second too late and Malfoy hit the floor with a thud. He's eyes were closed and Ginny threw herself on the floor next to him, grabbing his shoulders.

“Draco?” she said in a distressed voice and carefully shook him, but he was unresponsive. Ron hurriedly got the glass Malfoy had been drinking from and quickly made his way to the sink, filling it with water. 

“Draco!” Ginny repeated, raising her voice and smacking his cheek lightly. Suddenly he groaned and opened his eyes and everyone seemed to sigh in relief. 

“For goblins sakes,” Ginny whispered. “You scared the living hell out of me.” 

Ron leaned down and together with Ginny helped Malfoy sit up before handing him the glass of water.

“Drink,” he said firmly and Malfoy obeyed, taking a the glass with a trembling hand and swallowed all of it in four big gulps.

“I'm fine,” he mumbled as he handed back the empty glass to Ron. “Just got a bit woozy.” He rubbed the back of his head and frowned while letting out a painful groan. Ginny brought her hand up to his face and carefully brushed away a few strands of hair from his face. He looked at her with a tired eyes and gave her a small smile. 

“Sorry for the scare,” he mumbled and Ginny shook her head. 

“I'm just glad you're okay,” she replied softly. She got up and carefully helped him up on his feet, handing him the crutch once he was able to stand. “Can I talk to you? Before you leave.” Malfoy looked curiously at her but said nothing, he just nodded slowly and Ginny followed him out of the kitchen. Everyone fell quiet as they heard Ginny speak in the distance.

“Malfoy,” she said and sighed deeply. “I can't stand seeing you like this.”

“No one's forcing you to look,” he mumbled and Harry could almost hear Ginny shaking her head.

“You know what I mean,” she said quietly. “I need you to get better.” Her voice sounded pleading, almost on the verge of desperate. 

“Ginny,” he began in a heavy voice but she interrupted him.

“Please, just let me say this.” She took a deep breath. “I care for you, Malfoy and I want you to be around for a long while,” Harry could hear her voice thicken as it started to break. “I want to be able to hang out without having to go to the hospital. I want you to cheer me on from the bleachers at the tournament. I want to see you live your life and I want you to get better, more than anything.”

Malfoy was silent.

“Please,” Ginny continued. “You helped me so much in the ward, thanks to you I got better and I was able to come home. Let me help you.” Another moment of silence dragged by before Malfoy sighed deeply.

“I'll try,” he finally said. “I'm not making any promises, but I'll try. For you.” 

“Thank you,” Ginny said quietly. “The floo is that way,” she said and Harry could hear them as they walked towards it. 

“Let me know if you need anything,” Ginny said. “And don't you dare ignore my letters again. I will skin you alive.” Her voice was light, but Harry could tell there was a severity to it. Malfoy chuckled.

“Is that a promise?” he asked and Ginny snorted at him. 

“Go and make your call,” she just said and Malfoy did just that. He could hear Malfoy speak in a low voice as Ginny entered the kitchen with a tired look on her face.

“Are you okay?” Hermione asked quietly. Ginny gave her a small smile and nodded her head. Suddenly Malfoy appeared behind her and slung his free arm around her shoulders. She turned her head to look at him before leaning in to the touch, resting her head against his chest. He brought his hand up and settled it on the back her head before planting a kiss on top of it. He turned towards them, everyone at the table just observed them in silence. 

“They'll be here in a few,” he informed them. “Thank you for this lovely evening. It was nice of you to have me over.”

“Of course,” Ron mumbled. “It was nice seeing you too.” 

Malfoy gave them a small smile before ruffling Ginny's hair. “I should get going,” he told her and Ginny nodded. 

“I'll walk you out,” she said and turned around. Just as they were about to exit the kitchen Ron stood up.

“Malfoy,” he called in a firm voice. He stopped and turned around slowly to look at him. Ron scratched the back of his head and a look of uncertainty settled on his face before he spoke again. “Ginny told us you helped her with her recovery. Thank you.”

Malfoy looked stunned for a seconds before giving him a hint of a smile. “It was my pleasure.” He turned to Ginny and looked at her with an expression of awe. “She was quite the company,” he said and Ginny blushed slightly. 

“Good luck with your recovery, Malfoy,” Molly said suddenly. “I hope next time we see you you're better.” She gave him a smile and Malfoy nodded graciously. 

“When you get discharged you're more than welcome to join us at dinner again,” Arthur added in a soft voice. “Like Ron said, it's the least we can do, as a thanks for the support you've provided for our daughter.” 

“I might take you up on that offer,” Malfoy said with a smirk. He turned back to Ginny and planted a kiss on her forehead. 

“See you around, Weaslette,” he said and then walked out.

The minute the door slammed shut Ron crossed his arms over his chest and turned to Harry.

“Remember how I said I didn't trust him for as far as I could throw him?” He asked and Harry nodded slowly.

“I take that back,” Ron announced. “I think I could probably throw him across a Quidditch field.”

Ginny snorted. “Don't flatter yourself,” she said with an amused smirk and Ron stuck out his tongue at her. 

“Well,” he said after a while. “You were at least right about one thing.” Ginny raised an eyebrow at him in a questioning look.

“He is fragile,” Ron stated and chuckled when Ginny rolled his eyes. Harry was frowning, looking thoughtful before speaking.

“I didn't expect him to be so-”

“Weird?”

“Morbid?”

“Strange?”

Harry stared at his friends in silence. “I was going to say different but yes, all of the above as well.” Ginny pursed her lips and locked eyes with the floor.

“He's been through a lot,” she finally said. “This is just his way of coping with things.” Harry nodded slowly. Part of him hoped to see Malfoy again. He wanted to know more about him, this new and slightly improved version of him. 

“I can see why you're worried,” Hermione said after a while with a concerned look on her face. “Ginny if he gets any sicker...” She stopped mid sentence and pressed her lips into a fine line. “His body will give up on him,” she finally said in a resolute voice. Ginny bit her bottom lip and her eyebrows furrowed, sadness glimmering in her eyes.

“I know,” she said quietly. “He said he was going to try to at least get better, I just hope he has enough time to do so.” Harry slowly approached her and settled a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it.

“Ginny,” he began slowly. “Do you really think you can help him? It seems kind of futile.” She looked at him before sighing deeply.

“I know,” she said with a heavy voice. “But he needs someone to believe in him. If that's me, I'll gladly take on that role.” 

Harry nodded slowly. Although he thought it wasn't a good idea for her to get too involved, he could tell that she needed to do this. 

“Okay,” he finally said. “As long as it doesn't interfere with your recovery we'll be here to support you. The both of you.” Ginny smiled at him and gave him a tight hug. 

“Thank you,” she whispered and Harry just nodded. For now, all he could do was cross his fingers and hope that whatever happened it wouldn't effect Ginny in the worst possible way and cause her to relapse. 

 

*****  

 

Seventh place. Harry knew Ginny wouldn't be too happy about the Harpies placement but he was still proud of her. The fact that they placed seven out of twenty teams was impressive, especially considering where Ginny had been eight months ago. Too weak and too tired to play properly. Most of the family had been there to cheer her on. Bill and Charlie had cleared the schedules to make it, only Percy had been unable to join them. When Ginny finally came out from the changing room her family applauded and cheered, waving around the signs they had made. Ginny rolled her eyes despite the fact that she was blushing at the praise. 

“You're ridiculous,” she said with an amused smile and hugged them when she approached them.

“You were great,” Hermione said proudly and Ginny give her sour look.

“We placed seven,” she mumbled. “I really thought we were going to do better than that considering how much we trained.” She crossed her arms over her chest and sighed. “Still it wasn't enough.”

“Don't be like that,” Ron protested as he frowned at her. “Seventh place really isn't bad. You did good out there.” He ruffled her hair and Ginny made a disgruntled sound as she pushed his hand away. Ron just laughed at her.

“It's not the worst,” she finally said. “But we could have done better.”

“Well I disagree,” Charlie said and tipped his head to the side. “You did your best and it really showed. You were truly amazing out there.”

“Well that's even worse,” she said with a grumpy look on her face. “That our best still wasn't enough.” 

“You really like twisting everything we're saying right now, don't you?” Harry said amused. Ginny shrugged her shoulders stiffly. 

“I'm just really disappointed,” she said and kicked a few stones with her foot. 

Molly caressed her cheek and gave her an encouraging smile. “It's still worth celebrating,” she said softly. “Let's go home and have a nice lunch.”

“Mind if I join, or is it a family event only?”

Ginny's eyes widened as she whipped around so quickly her ponytail hit her face lightly. Her mouth fell open and everyone was completely stunned at the sight in front of them. 

“Draco?” She whispered bewildered and Malfoy smirked smugly at her. Harry stared at him in astonishment. Malfoy looked...Good. His face had filled out enough to make him actually look his age. His cheeks were no longer sunken and his hair slightly longer and thicker. He still looked scrawny and tired, but he looked more alive than ever. Harry glanced around and noticed he wasn't the only one to stare at him surprise. Ginny's mouth hung slightly open. The only people who looked dissatisfied were Charlie and Bill. Ginny had told them about Malfoy but they still seemed to have a hard time to accept it.

“Missed me?” he asked and laughed when Ginny practically threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“What are doing here?” She asked confused, but still prosperous when she pulled away. Malfoy smiled at her with a satisfied glimmer in his eyes. 

“I didn't tell you?” he asked in a fake startled voice while smiling at her with an amused grin. “I got discharged.” Ginny looked close to tears as she pulled him into another tight hug and Malfoy chuckled. 

“I can't believe this,” she said breathlessly. When she pulled away she smacked his arm lightly, causing Malfoy to give her a playful smile. “Why didn't you tell me?” She asked in a slightly discontented voice, but Harry didn't miss the awe in her voice. He shrugged, still smiling at her.

“I wanted to surprise you,” he said softly and Ginny looked touched at that confession. 

“You were here the whole game?” She whispered shocked.

“Of course,” he said softly. “I wouldn't miss it for the world.” He turned to the rest of them and nodded acknowledging at them.

“Good seeing all of you again,” he said courteously.  

“You too, Draco,” Arthur  said cautiously while he he eyed him up and down. Malfoy rubbed the back of his head and looked at Ginny like he was calling for help. 

“Oh,” she finally said as she seemed to catch his drift. “This is Bill and Charlie,” she said in an introducing voice. The brothers approached Malfoy stiffly and Malfoy took their hands and shook them with hesitation. 

“Nice seeing you, Ginny talks a lot about you,” Bill said and narrowed his eyes in an almost suspicions manner. 

“Only lies and nasty things, I hope,” he said and smirked when Ginny groaned at him.  

“So,” Charlie said, arms crossed. “Ginny told us you were anorexic as well.” His voice sounded sceptic and he was side-eyeing Malfoy heavily. He seemed to flinch at Charlie's tone and he shifted under his gaze, looking uncomfortable. Ginny's eyes narrowed but Charlie ignored her.

“You don't look sick to me,” he stated in a cold voice and Malfoy let out a nervous chuckle.

“Well, they didn't discharge me for no reason,” he said carefully and Charlie just kept his icy glare at him. The tension was almost palpable and everyone seemed to look around at each other, almost alarmed by the hostility in the air. 

“You said something about joining us for lunch?” George finally said in an attempt to disarm the situation. Malfoy suddenly looked hesitant. 

“Maybe I shouldn't,” he began slowly, eyes drifting away away from Charlie and Bill as they huffed.

“Yeah,” Charlie said. “I think that's for the best.” 

“Charlie!” Ginny finally snapped and glared at her brother. 

“What?” he just said in an indifferent tone and Ginny stared at him in a disbelieving anger. 

“Stop being such a wanker,” she scolded and Charlie turned to her with a blank expression.

“I'm sorry, I guess I'm still not over the fact that he's the reason one of our brother's dead and the other one is a werewolf,” he snapped at her and Ginny pressed her lips together.  

“And he's the reason I'm alive and well, so I'd think twice before insulting him again.”

“Ginny,” Malfoy mumbled quietly. “It's fine. He's right. I shouldn't have come.” He started backing away with an anxious expression. Harry felt his heart sink to his stomach. He wanted to say something, maybe defend him. He didn't like the fact that Malfoy looked like a kicked puppy. He wasn't sure why, but something about it didn't feel right. He wasn't suppose to look like that. He was suppose to be sarcastic, smirking and leering. He wasn't suppose to look so small. Ginny grabbed his arm, stopping him from leaving.

“It's not fine,” she protested with a frown. She turned back to her brothers with a determined look on her face. “You know he literally saved my life?” She asked in a harsh voice. “One of the patients in there had a breakdown and got a hold of a wand with the intention of killing herself. I tried to talk to her but instead she grabbed me and used me as a human shield.”

Everyone stared wide-eyed at Ginny. This was the first time they heard anything about it. That must have been why she had been so upset that one day when Harry had gone to visit her, he slowly realised. 

“In the end, Draco was the one who talked her down,” Ginny said and swallowed. “He stopped her from hurting herself and me. Had he not been there and done what he did, things would have ended badly, for both of us.”

Everyone’s eyes turned to Malfoy who just stared at the ground, looking guarded. 

“Why didn't you tell us about that?” Hermione asked with a concerned frowned. Ginny looked guilty for a seconds before shrugging.

“I didn't want you to worry more than you already did,” she finally said and looked at them. Everyone was silent for a while before Charlie finally sighed deeply.

“I didn't know that,” he mumbled. “I'm sorry.” He turned to Malfoy and eyed him and Malfoy carefully looked up, meeting his gaze. “Thank you,” was all he said after a while. Malfoy shook his head.

“It's not a big deal,” he mumbled and looked away. Molly frowned at him.

“Draco, you talked someone out of suicide,” she said slowly. “That is a really big deal. You saved our daughter twice.” She hook her head and Harry was sure she was close to tearing up with gratitude. She approached him and carefully pulled him into a hug. “Thank you,” she whispered as she pulled away and patted his cheeks. Malfoy gave her a small smile.

“You're coming with us for lunch,” Molly said firmly and Malfoy gnawed on his bottom lip, sneaking a glance at the disapproving brothers.

“You sure?” he asked. 

“Absolutely,” she said firmly. She turned to Bill and Charlie who seemed to have  soften their glares before nodding stiffly. They were just about to get ready to apparate when someone pushed past them, intentionally colliding shoulders with Hermione. She let out a painful huff and rubbed her shoulder, looking at the men who just walked in to her. They turned around to glare at her before sneering as a flash of recognition appeared on their faces.

“Watch it, Mudblood,” one of them hissed and the other two men who stood beside him snickered tauntingly.

Before anyone could blink Malfoy was in front of them, grabbing the man by the shirt. His eyes were seeping with anger and his face red. 

“What did you say?” he growled in a dangerous tone. The man huffed, and grabbed Malfoy's hand, trying to pry his fingers open from the grip of his shirt.

“You heard me,” he said and narrowed his eyes. Malfoy's grip seemed to tighten.

“Why don't you say that again, I fucking dare you.” He hissed as he spoke through gritted teeth. The man just gave him contemptuous smile. 

“You think you can take me?” He asked in a mocking tone. “I'll snap you in two, you bloody arse broomstick.” 

“Malfoy,” Hermione said nervously. “Just let it go.” Malfoy pursed his lips and continued to glare before harshly pushing the man backwards in the same motion as he let go of the shirt. He turned around and was just about to leave when the man spoke again.

“That's right,” he called after him in a triumphing voice. “Walk away, you disgraceful Death Eater!” Malfoy stopped, slowly turning around. He gave the man a smirk, but his eyes looked stormy.  

“I'd rather be a disgraceful Death Eater than a dimwitted bigot,” he said coldly and Harry could feel the hair on his arms and back stand up at his the tone of his voice. He realised at that moment that whatever kind of person Malfoy had become, he did not want to get on his bad side. He was truly scary, something Harry never thought was possible as images of a scared and crying Malfoy flashed in his head. 

“Like I care about what you think of me. Fraternizing with a Mudblooded ne-”

Harry was sure the man had been about to call Hermione the N word, but was silenced when Malfoy punched him right in the face. The man stumbled backwards, blood pouring from his mouth and nose. He stared at Malfoy in shock. When he finally managed to gather himself he glared at Malfoy and spit out blood on his shoes. 

“Whatever,” he mumbled. “You're not worth my time.” With that said, the men walked away, leaving the group completely silent, staring in both confusion and shock at Malfoy. He slowly turned around and Harry noticed he checked his knuckled before stretching out his fingers with a displeased expression. When he looked up he stared at them like a hippogriff caught in headlights. 

“Well,” Ron said, breaking the silence. “That sure takes me back to third year.” Malfoy looked confused for a while before his eyes widened a bit in realisation and he smiled in amusement.

“Oh yeah,” he said with a chuckle and looked at Hermione. “You totally punched my teeth in that day.” Hermione blushed at stared down at her shoes while mumbling something apologetic and Malfoy just snorted. 

“Don't be sorry,” he said and shook his head. “I was an utter tosser back then, I'd want to punch thirteen year old me as well. Besides,” he smirked at her. “You have a mean right hook. I can see how you're valuable out in the field.”

Hermione blushed at that and Ron smiled proudly, wrapping an arm around her waist.

“You okay?” He mumbled and Hermione nodded. 

“I'm fine,” she mumbled. “Just... That took an unexpected turn.” Malfoy shrugged.

“We might be dickheads most of the time, but if there's anything us Slytherin's are it's loyal to the people we think have earned it.”   

Once again Hermione seemed to blushed but everyone else actually looked impressed. Harry couldn't help as a small smile crept up on his lips. 

“We should probably leave,” he said, rubbing his chin. “Before they get any ideas and come back.” Malfoy looked at him and nodded slowly in agreement and with that said, they apparated to the Burrow. Once there they proceeded to enter the house, removing their outdoor clothing before making their way into the living room.

“I'm going to take I shower, I stink,” Ginny mumbled as scrunched her nose in disgust. For a moment Harry was sure he could see a bit of panic flash in Malfoy's eyes before he nodded at her and Ginny made her way up stairs. Molly clapped her hands together.

“I'm going to prepare lunch. Draco?” Malfoy looked at her curiously.

“Why don't you help me set the table.” Malfoy's eyes flickered before nodding slowly and followed Molly to the kitchen. Harry decided to lend a hand as well and followed the two of them. Malfoy looked slightly lost for a moment and Harry smiled at the sight. 

“Here,” he said and approached one of the cabinets. “Plates.” He opened them and reached up to take down a few plates before handing them to Malfoy. He mumbled a thanks and brought them over to the table to place them on the wooden surface. 

“Draco?” Molly suddenly said in a soft voice. Both he and Harry turned to look at her. She took a deep breath before continuing. “I want you to know that none of us blames you.” She said firmly. “What happened to Fred and Bill,” she bit her bottom lip and looked down and Harry could see Malfoy's gaze fall to the floor as he looked ashamed. Molly finally shook her head and lifted her chin, looking straight at him. “We don't hold you responsible for that, despite what Charlie says.” Malfoy looked at her with an unreadable expression on his face.

“Maybe you should,” he finally mumbled and slowly started to pull his already long sleeve down. Harry realised it was the same arm that bore the dark mark. He frowned. 

“You were a kid,” Molly said in a harsh tone. “A kid who fought in a war.”

“Fought on the wrong side,” he mumbled as he played with the hem of the sleeve. Molly pursed her lips.

“That may be true,” she said with a nod. “We all had to do things, hard things, to survive,” she inhaled deeply. 

“Fred was a kind and thoughtful person,” her voice started to break. “If there's anything I know, it's that he would have been grateful for what you've done for Ginny. We are all very protective of her, but we can see how much she means to you and how much you mean to her.” She swallowed and blinked away a few tears and Malfoy looked away with a guilty face, sadness glimmering in his eyes. 

“She needs you in her life,” Molly finally said in a more steady voice. “Once they realise that they'll come around.” 

Malfoy nodded slowly and gave her a small smile. “Thank you,” he mumbled gratefully. Molly gave him a curt nod before smiling back at him

“Now, finish setting the table so you can join the others.” Malfoy smirked but did as he was told. Harry watched the exchange with a warmness peaking up in his chest. He never thought he'd see the day, Malfoy being civil and even nice to the Weasley's. It was still slightly hard for him to comprehend, but he was actually happy to see that it was possible. Malfoy had taken his first step toward breaking the circle of hatred that ran in his family and Harry couldn't help but think he was strong for doing so. He really hoped it would last. For all of them.

Once they were done they made their way out of the kitchen in silence. Malfoy still hadn't said a word to him and Harry was almost a little disappointed. When they entered the living room  the group was already in a chattering mood. Malfoy looked around before taking a seat in the chair next to the sofa, where Hermione sat. 

“What is that?” He suddenly asked her with a frown as he observed her neck. Her hands flew up to her neck, caressing the scar that went straight across in a fine line. She swallowed and brought her hand down.

“It's from...” She began and then fell quiet, avoiding eye contact.

“Bellatrix,” Bill said sharply and Malfoy winced at his tone. He wet his lips before leaning in and reaching out a hand. Hermione let him carefully grace her scar with the tip of his fingers, but she looked slightly bewildered at the gesture. He looked up at her.

“I'm sorry,” he said in a soft and quiet voice. “I guess madness runs in the family.” He gave her an apologetic smile before leaning down and Hermione just blinked at him. 

“You know,” he began. “I have a salve, if you want to get rid of it.” Hermione frowned.

“Really?” she asked and Malfoy nodded.

“I actually made it,” he said as he leaned back. “But it works wonderful.” To Harry's surprise Malfoy then buttoned down his shirt, revealing a small part of his chest. He glanced over at Harry with a hesitant look before speaking again. “I got scarred quite badly sixth year,” he began and Harry felt a knot form in his stomach at the confession. They all knew exactly what he was talking about.

“I developed the salve, all organic,” he added with a smirk and Hermione smiled at that. “Started applying it all over the damaged areas and now,” he gestured towards his chest. It was pale but scar less. Harry was impressed. He remembered how badly the spell had hit Malfoy in the bathroom that year. How much blood there had been, pouring out from the several wounds and onto the floor. 

“Wow,” Hermione mumbled. “That's really impressive.” She glanced over to Ron before turning her eyes back to Malfoy. “Would it work on scars from splichering?” She asked and Malfoy frowned thoughtfully. 

“I've never tried it, but it should work the same way,” he said. “Why?” 

Hermione looked at Ron again, who in turn rolled up the short sleeve on his t-shirt, revealing a swirl of scars on his shoulder and upper arm. Malfoy stared silently at it. 

“You might need to apply a larger amount and more frequently, but it should do the trick,” he said and Ron nodded at him. “Want me to bring it next time I come around?” 

Hermione lit up. “You'd do that?” she asked Malfoy grinned. 

“Of course,” he said and Hermione and Ron exchanged looks before nodding.

“Thanks, mate,” Ron said with an appreciative smile. Malfoy just waved his hands dismissively, but Harry could see the faint blush that coloured his pale cheeks. 

“Would it work on my scar?” Harry asked curiously and Malfoy turned and looked him dead in the eyes.

“No,” he said in a deadpan voice. “I mean, yes, probably. But I'm not letting you get rid of your scar.” Harry frowned at him.

“Why not?” he asked, almost offended.

“Because,” Malfoy said with a displeased expression. “Your scar is like one third of your personality.”

Ron sniggered at that and Harry rolled his eyes. “There's more to me than just my scar,” he said in a grumpy voice, but Malfoy just snorted at him.

“Potter, people would literally throw tomatoes at me if I helped you get rid of your renowned trademark,” he said and Harry stared at him. “I'm allergic,” Malfoy clarified. “If I died I wouldn't mind that much, but my face just gets incredibly swollen and itchy.”  

“Besides,” he continued with a smirk. “If I did that I wouldn't be able to call you scarhead any more,” he gave him a sweet smile and Harry rolled his eyes.

“I'm flattered,” he said sarcastically and Malfoy gave him a smug grin.

Ginny suddenly appeared fresh out of the shower with a towel wrapped around her head and fresh clothes. She immediately approached Hermione and threw her leg up in her lap.

“Feel my leg,” she ordered and Hermione stared at her in confusion, but complied, running her hand down her bare leg.

“Smooth,” she observed and Ginny grinned. 

“Right? I haven't shaved my legs in ages, they were getting so fuzzy.” Ron groaned at her and Ginny set down her leg as she looked at him.

“We don't want to hear about your fuzzy legs, Gin,” he mumbled and she stuck out her tongue at him.

“I feel you,” Malfoy said with an amused smile. “I started shaving my arms a few years ago.” Ron stared wide eyed at him.

“Why?” he asked in utter disarray. Malfoy shrugged.

“When you get down to the weight I was at you start getting cold all the time,” he said in an explanatory voice. “So your body starts growing an absurd amount of hair to keep you warm.” He stretched out his arm and pulled up his sleeve to show off the blonde hairy arms. Ron titled his head and frowned.

“Well, that's not so bad. Besides, men are suppose to be hairy, women aren't.” Hermione and Ginny turned slowly to Ron and stared at him with a dangerous look on their faces. Malfoy chuckled from where he was sitting .

“Now you've done it,” he mumbled with an amused smirk.

“I can not believe you just said that!” Hermione scolded and Ginny shook her head.

“That's so sexist of you. Why am I even surprised?” Ron looked between the both of them, slightly in shock. 

“I'm not sexist!” He protested loudly. “Am I?” He looked over at Harry with a puzzled expression and Harry didn't know what to say.

“You don't need to be sexist,” Hermione  said after a while. “But that comment, right there, that was a sexist thing to say.” 

Ron frowned, looking offended. “How?” He demanded. Hermione groaned. "The fact that I even have to explain this," she muttered and shook her head.

“Well, women get a lot of pressure from both men and the society in general to shave, even if they don't want to, because it's not socially acceptable from them to be hairy, when in fact it's actually natural.” Shee leaned back and shrugged. “Nobody should be pressured into shaving if they don't want to. Our bodies, our  choice,” she ended with in a simple tone. Ginny was beaming and Malfoy was smiling as he looked amused. 

"She's got you there," he said with a chuckle and Ron stared at hI'm

"You agree?" He asked bewildered as his eyes widened. Malfoy huffed.

"It the truth," he pointed out with a shrug. 

“I didn't think about that,” he mumbled and Malfoy waved his hand in dismiss.

“We've all been there. First time I said something along the same line Pansy grabbed me by the balls while sweetly explaining to me why I shouldn't say that.” He smirked and Harry couldn't help but chuckle at the image. 

“I'm sorry,” Ron apologized to Hermione and Ginny. Hermione leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek. 

“At least you're learning,” she said with a teasing smile and Ron leaned in to kiss her on the mouth.

"I'm a work in progress," he admitted and Hermione smiled as she caressed his cheek and nodded in agreement.

“Who knew you were such a feminist,” Ginny said to Malfoy with a grin. Malfoy just shrugged.

“I've hung around a lot of women these last five years. Which opened up my eyes to a lot of bullshit.” He explained and Ginny nodded. 

“So what?” Charlie snorted. “You're all for equality and human rights now all of a sudden?” 

“Yes,” Malfoy answered in a heartbeat and stared him right in the eye. “I am. I spend a lot of time living with hatred before I realised that life's too short for that nonsense.” Harry saw as Ginny pressed her lips into a thin line to keep herself from smiling. The tension seemed to build as everyone was practically holding their breaths, staring at Charlie as they awaited his response. 

Charlie eyed him for a bit before giving a curt nod. “That sounds about right,” he just said and Harry could hear the collective exhalation as he spoke, breaking the tense atmosphere. 

“Lunch is ready!” Molly suddenly called from the kitchen. Everyone stood up and immediately made their way into the kitchen. The sat down, squeezing in to fit around the table. 

“This smells amazing,” Malfoy commented and started piling up an absurd amount of food on his plate. They all stared him, probably thinking the same thing, which was how the hell he was suppose to eat all that after just getting out from an eating disorder facility. The minute he was done, he started talking. A lot. 

Harry had a hard time listening and even comprehending what he was saying, he was talking fast, asking questions as he shuffled the food around his plate. Everyone seemed startled by his behaviour and it wasn't until five minutes in Harry realised what was happening. 

Malfoy wasn't eating. He was just moving around his food quickly, talking so much his mouth never stopped to take a bite. He repeatedly brought up the napkin to his face, despite not having anything to wipe off. He was commenting on the food. “It looks great!” and “What's in this?” But he wasn't eating and he seemed to be intentionally dropping food on the floor. Every now and then he would take a sip of water, making it seem like he was washing the food down only to start talking again.

For a moment Harry thought he was the only one who noticed this, but one glance at Ginny told otherwise. She was glaring at Malfoy and shaking her head while chewing her food aggressively. When the sixth bite of food fell to the floor Ginny finally slammed her glass down before standing up.

“Draco,” she said in a low voice. “A word?” Malfoy looked up at her, seeming to have been caught off guard. He nodded slowly and stood up as well and they both exited the kitchen. Suddenly the front door slammed shut and then the argument started. Both of them seemed to be unaware of the fact that the kitchen window was slightly open, allowing the entire family to hear every word.

“What the hell do you think you're doing?” Ginny snapped. Malfoy was quiet. “Is this what you do?” she continued in a harsh voice. “You gain enough to get discharge only to go back to your old habits the minute you're out?”

Harry could hear him huff. “I don't know-”

“Cut the crap!” Ginny snapped, interrupting Malfoy's clear attempt at denying it. “This is me you're talking to. I know exactly what you're doing!” Malfoy didn't say anything for a while, then an aggressive sigh was heard.

“Fine,” he snapped. “You're right, okay? But everything in there...It's a fucking calorie bomb!” He argued loudly. “What am I supposed to do?”

“You're suppose to get better!” Ginny growled. 

“Maybe I can't!” Malfoy finally said, on the verge of shouting. They both went quiet. Everyone around the table exchanged awkward and uncertain looks, not sure if they should close the window or inform them of the fact they could hear them. Neither of them did either of the two things. They just sat there, completely frozen. 

“I don't think I can,” Malfoy finally said in defeat. “I'm not strong enough. I don't have...” he went quiet. 

“I don't see the point.” He sighed. “This is all I've ever known these past five years. I don't know how to be not sick.” His voice sounded so tiny and frail. 

“Yes, you do,” Ginny said in a soft voice. “Draco, you haven't always been sick. You just have to find your way back.”

“I'll be here,” she continued. “Every step of the way. We're in this together.” He could hear Malfoy sigh, deeply. 

“I don't want to drag you down,” he said carefully.

“You won't,” Ginny spoke firmly. “As long as we do this together. But I need you to really try, Draco.” Her voice was on the verge of begging. “I can't do this without you.” 

“Okay,” Malfoy finally whispered and Harry could pretty much hear the hug between them.  

When they came in again and seated themselves at the table, Malfoy did eat. Not all of it, maybe not even a third of it, but he did eat. Ginny looked satisfied, but there seemed to still be some tension at the table. 

“So, uhm,” George finally started speaking. “Do you live with your mother now? Because Ginny, as you might know, wasn't allowed to live alone when she was discharged.” Malfoy nodded.

“Yeah, we're living in the manor at the moment.” He mumbled and scratched the back of his head.

“How's that going?” Harry asked and Malfoy looked up at him.

“Fine, I guess. I mean moving back home is hardly ideal for anyone my age-”

“Agreed!” Ginny piped up and Malfoy smirked at her.

“But, you know,” he continued. “It's nice, in a way. The manor's spacious so it's not like I don't have any alone time.” 

“What's it like living there, after everything that went down?” Bill asked bluntly and Malfoy seemed to stiffen. 

“It's...rough,” he admitted slowly after a while as he scratched the back of his head. “It's not exactly overflowing with great memories.” His eyes fell and Harry chewed slowly as he watched him. “I mean, it used to,” he continued, picking at his food. “But now everything feels tainted.” 

Harry understood what he meant. He had been back to visit Hogwart's a few times after the war, but walking down the hallways hadn't felt the same as before. He felt like a complete stranger when he walked around the building that he once had considered his only home. It had nothing to do with the reconstruction and everything to do with the memories that haunted the corridors. Everywhere he looked all he could see was the death and destruction that had taken place there. The images of his classmates dead bodies branded into his brain. 

It was hard, walking across the floors and knowing exactly who died at what spots. Passing repainted walls that he knew had been covered in blood just years earlier. Looking at the Astronomy Tower, not thinking about the time he and Ron had snuck out in the middle of the night of their first year to smuggle out Hagrid's dragon Norbert in order to send him to Charlie in Romania, but rather about how Dumbledore had stood at the very top before falling to the ground, dead. The Great Hall that had so many wonderful memories attached to it-being the first room they entered as they had arrived, the sorting, the feasts, the Yule ball-was now just a painful reminder of the aftermath. People sitting around hugging, crying and screaming after their loved ones, the echoes of their distress forever bouncing around the walls.

“Not just from the war though, right?” Bill suddenly asked, leaning back in his chair. Malfoy looked at him in confusion. “The Manor,” he added, tilting his head as he looked Malfoy dead in the eye. “Your father. That's where he-”

“Who wants dessert?” Molly practically shouted, slamming her hands against the wooden surface. Everyone flinched and stared at her with wide eyes.

“Mum,” Ron said slowly. “We're right here. No need to shout.” Molly ignored him, instead her eyes were focused on Bill. They were flashing furiously like a warning sign, ushering him to be quiet. Bill lowered his gaze and looked ready to drop the subject.

“Yes,” Malfoy said in a clear voice. “That's where he hung himself.” 

Everyone went quiet. Bill shifted in his seat, suddenly looking uncomfortable. 

“That's what you wanted to ask, right?” Malfoy pressed, eyes cold and narrowed. Bill didn't reply. 

“You want details?” He continued timidly. “He did it in the drawing room. Hung himself from the crystal chandelier.”

Harry frowned. He had seen one chandelier in the drawing room when they had been captured during the war, but it couldn't be the same one.

“Yes, Potter,” Malfoy suddenly said and Harry's eyes snapped up to look at him. “The very same one that nearly crushed my dear auntie. That one.” 

“Not broken beyond repair then?” He mumbled and Malfoy let out a humourless chuckle.

“Thank fuck for that,” he said in a harsh voice. “He might not have been able to do it otherwise. Always had a flair for the dramatic, my father,”  his voice took a bitter tone as he started picking at his glass. “Nothing more dramatic than hanging oneself by the neck from a chandelier, wouldn't you say?” 

“Enough!” Molly said sharply. “This is hardly an appropriate conversation to have at lunch.” Her face was flushed red and her body tense. “Now, who wants dessert?” She repeated in a more calmer voice as she stood up, straightening her clothes as she did so.

Malfoy looked down before he shook his head, tongue running over his lips. “I'm good,” he said in a toneless voice and stood up. Ginny looked helplessly at him.

“Draco,” she began quietly. 

“It's fine,” he cut her off. “I'm going out for a smoke, want to come?” Harry could see her frowning as she looked torn. He quickly scrambled to his feet.

“Actually,” Harry said and cleared his throat. “Ginny doesn't smoke any longer.” Malfoy raised an eyebrow at her and she nodded, looking apologetic. 

“But,” Harry continued as he pulled out a pack from the pocket of his hoodie. “I do.” He held up the packet for Malfoy to see. His eyes drifted back to Harry, looking thoughtful. 

“Mind if I join?” He finally asked and Malfoy sighed. 

“Knock yourself out,” he mumbled and left, Harry following behind him. Once outside Malfoy pulled out a lighter, trying to light it even though the wind kept blowing it out. 

“Why don't you just use your wand?” Harry asked and raised his eyebrows. Malfoy stopped and slowly lifted his gaze, looking embarrassed.

“I spent so much time in the ward I actually forgot that I have it now,” he admitted. Just as he said so his lighter popped up a flame and Malfoy hurriedly brought it up, lighting the cigarette. Harry felt around in his pockets and realized he must've left his wand inside. He cursed under his breath and Malfoy lifted his gaze and looked at him curiously.

“My wand is still inside,” he mumbled. “Do you mind?” He gestured towards the lighter that was still in Malfoy's hand and he tossed it over to him. He tried lighting in, only to get faint sparks from it and no flame. Malfoy frowned and took the lighter back, bringing it up his ear as he shook it. 

“It seems to be out of lighter fluid,” he mumbled. Harry sighed and turned around to walk in and get his wand.

“Hold on,” Malfoy said and grabbed Harry by the shirt to stop him. Harry turned around and looked at him with a frown. “Come here,” Malfoy said and pulled him in closer. Harry could feel his breath hitch and his mouth go dry. 

“Put the cigarette in your mouth,” he instructed and Harry did as he was told, still not quite sure what Malfoy's goal were. 

He leaned forward and Harry noted to himself that this was probably the closest they had ever been without the intent of beating each other up. He pressed the tip of his lit cigarette against Harry's, causing ashes to fall to the ground as he started inhaling. Nothing happened. Malfoy looked up at him.

“You do realise we have to inhale at the same time?” He said in a toneless voice and Harry stared at him.

“Oh,” he said dumbly. “Right.” He brought his cigarette up to his mouth again and Malfoy leaned forward for the second time, pressing the tip against it once more. They both started to inhale and after a few seconds Harry's cigarette started to glow faintly, smoking ascending from the it. Malfoy smirked and leaned back with a satisfied expression.

“There you go,” he said smugly and Harry gave him a smile. 

“Thanks,” he said and Malfoy took a step back, leaning against the building. Harry followed suit.

“Look,” he said after a while. “Don't let Charlie and Bill get to you, they just need some time, to get used to this,” He looked at Malfoy who just stared at ground, flicking his cigarette. 

“It's fine,” he mumbled. “It's not like it was uncalled for.” 

“They're just very-”

“Protective?” Malfoy looked up at him with an eyebrow raised and Harry nodded slowly. “Understandable.” He jerked his head and started to kick away stones from the ground. 

“They'll get used to it,” Harry said in a comforting voice and Malfoy shook his head.

“Potter, I was a dick,” he said in a harsh voice. “An abusive dick. I might not be the same, but I can hardly blame the people who got hurt for still seeing me like that. I can't change what's done and I'm not going to convince people to forgive me. It's not my place.”

Harry stared at him in silence, carefully observing him. He looked tired and frustrated, lips pursed and forehead creased. 

“I'm sorry about your father,” he said after a wild and watched as Malfoy's face turned to stone as he huffed.  

“I'm not,” he said in a cold voice, causing Harry to almost wince at the tone. “He was a selfish bastard, from the womb to the tomb.”  

He couldn't exactly argue with that. Still, it was his father after all. A man Malfoy had always looked up to and clearly admired his whole life.

“It's okay of you to miss him,” Harry said instead with a soft voice. Malfoy shook his head.

“Well I don't,” he said. “You know what I do miss though?”

He was changing the subject and Harry sighed internally. He should have realised it was futile to have an honest and serious conversation with him. They didn't have that kind of relationship after all. Not like he and Ginny.  

“What?” He asked nonetheless and watched as Malfoy smirked.

“Quidditch.” 

Harry looked at him with raised eyebrows. “Really?” He was slightly taken aback by the reply.

“Yeah,” he said and brought the cigarette up to his mouth. After blowing out the smoke a small smile graced his face. “I don't know, seeing Ginny today, it just brought back all these memories and emotions I used to have when I played. I miss it.” He tilted his head upwards, looking at the sky. “Flying, feeling the wind in your hair, the adrenaline rush. It was freeing in a sense.” 

Harry knew exactly what he was talking about. Spending his entire childhood locked up in a cupboard there was nothing that felt more liberating than flying around on a broom. 

“We should play,” Harry found himself suggestion before he could stop himself. Malfoy looked puzzled at him, frowning.

“We?” He repeated and Harry nodded mutely. “Just the two us?” he asked doubtfully. 

“Why not?” Harry said with a careless shrug. “We can do a game of seeker on seeker.” Malfoy observed him in silence for awhile, eyes glimmering. After a while he smirked at Harry.

“Kinky,” he said and Harry chuckled, bring one hand up to his face to cover the faint blush that stained his tanned cheeks. Malfoy looked at him in amusement. “I'm in,” he said after a while and Harry's grin widened.

“Yeah?” He asked and Malfoy pressed his lips together, still smiling.

“Yeah,” he said. “It'll be fun. Let's make it more interesting though.” Harry raised an eyebrow.

“What did you have in mind?” He asked and Malfoy bit his bottom lip, looking pondering for a while. When he didn't say anything for almost a minute Harry started to laugh and Malfoy brought his shoulders up to his ears.

“Well I don't know,” he said in a defensive tone, but Harry caught up on the underlying lightness of it. 

“How about this,” Harry said after a while. “We can go out for drinks afterwards. Loser has to pay.” Malfoy nodded in agreement.

“Deal,” he said and brought up his free hand. Harry looked down on it before grabbing it and they shook hands. They both turned away from each other, still smiling. Harry looked down at his cigarette, noting it had burned down to filter and glow was slowly going out. “Want to go back inside?” He asked and glanced at Malfoy. He watched as he seemed to waver before shaking his head.

“I think I'm going to head back home,” he finally announced. “I think I've done enough damage for the day.” Harry frowned at him.

“Don't say that,” he protested. “Come one.” He grabbed Malfoy by his upper arm, squeezing it carefully. “At least come in and say goodbye.” He looked him in the eyes and Malfoy sighed after a while.

“Fine,” he mumbled and Harry let go of his arm, giving him a reassuring smile as they made their way back inside. 

The minute they came in they could hear loud voices arguing in heated tones. Malfoy looked ready to just turn on the spot and leave again but Harry put a hand on his shoulder to stop him. 

“It's fine,” he mumbled and carefully urged Malfoy to move forward. Once the entered the kitchen everyone fell silent, staring at them. Malfoy looked at them tensely and scratched the back of his head.

“I'm leaving,” he announced after a while. “I just thought I should say thank you for the food, it was great,” his eyes turned to Molly as he gave her an appreciative nod before eyeing the rest of them. “I'll see you around,” he mumbled and Ginny quickly got up from her seat. 

“Don't leave,” she pleaded with a guilty look on her face. Malfoy took her hand and squeezed them.

“It's fine,” he said and gave her a small smile. “I'll see you later,” he promised and then let go of her hand, planting a kiss on her forehead before doing so. Just as he was about to turn around Charlie stood up.

“Wait,” he said in a stiff voice. Malfoy stopped and looked at him, face unreadable. Charlie sighed deeply. “Look,” he continued. “Bill was out of line earlier and so was I,” he pursed his lips, looking reluctant as he spoke. “We love Ginny. We will support her no matter what and if that means accepting whatever this is,” he gestured to Malfoy in a displeased manner. “Then that's what we'll do. It doesn't mean we like it and it certainly does not mean that we like you,” his voice was cold and Harry could see Ginny's nostrils flare in anger at that. “But we respect what the two of you have. Let's just leave it at that.” 

Malfoy stared at him, eyes calculating as the flickered back and forth between Charlie and Bill. “Okay,” he said in a monotone voice. With that he turned around and left. 

 

*****     

 

“No.” 

“Come on.”

“No.”

“It'll be fun!”

“I sincerely doubt that.”

“Scared, Malfoy?”

“You wish.” 

They had been arguing for almost five minutes outside of 12 Grimmauld Place. Because Harry had a car. He wanted to take the car. Malfoy, however, did not. 

“It's not the car I have a problem with,” Malfoy finally said with crossed arms. “It's you, driving. Merlin, I've seen you fly, you think I want to get inside a car with you behind the wheel?” Harry rolled his eyes.

“I have a driver's license,” he argued in a frustrated voice. Malfoy huffed.

“So? For all I know they could be giving that out to anyone!” Harry rolled his eyes.

“Well they don't,” he said in a clear voice. “Come on, just get in.” He opened the door to the passenger seat. Malfoy glared daggers at him before reluctantly walking towards the car, muttering under his breath. Harry slammed the door shut and walked around to the driver's seat. When he opened the door and crawled inside Malfoy was still muttering bitterly.

“-portkey, apparation, broom, but noooo, we have to take a bloody car!” Harry had to press his lips together to keep himself from laughing at him. He started the engine and Malfoy jumped in his seat.

“Is it suppose to sound like that?” He asked in a distressed voice. 

“Yes,” Harry replied. “Now put your seatbelt on.” Malfoy looked at him in confusion.

“My what now?” He frowned. Harry grabbed his own seat belt and demonstrated by buckling himself in. Malfoy turned around and grabbed the seat belt as he mimicked Harry's movements.  

“You good?” Harry asked and Malfoy traced the seatbelt with his fingers before nodding. “Mind if I put the radio on?” 

Malfoy shook his head and Harry leaned forward and turned it out, changing it from a boring news station to a music station. He was about to change the station again when Malfoy slapped his hand away.

“Leave it,” he ordered and Harry looked at puzzled, but didn't protest. He started pressing the pedals down and turned in his seat to look behind him while backing the car. Malfoy tensed up and grabbed the seat, eyes widening.

“Why are you going backwards?” He barked, looking terrified. 

“I have to back out of the driveway,” Harry said with a frown and as he turned the car to drive forward Malfoy seemed to relax. He leaned forward in his seat, staring out the window in fascination. Harry couldn't help but think that he sort of resembled a puppy going on his first car ride. He smiled at the image and glanced over at Malfoy. Only then did he noticed that Malfoy was bobbing his head to the music, lip syncing. He suddenly moved forward to turn up the volume. Harry had a hard time containing his laughter. The fact that Malfoy seemed to know every single word to “Womanizer” was really hilarious. 

“Draco Malfoy, are you actually singing along to a muggle song?” He gasped dramatic and Malfoy whipped his head around and stared at him with wide eyes. 

“Tell anyone and I'll shove your broomstick so far up your ass you'll be choking on it,” he threatened and Harry chuckled.

“Don't worry,” he said with an amused smirk. “Your secrets safe with me.” 

“Good.” With that said he inhaled deeply before he started singing along, loudly. Harry turned glanced at him with a smile and a few seconds later he joined in. 

He was sure they looked and sounded absolutely ridiculous, but he didn't care. The giddy feeling that rose up in his chest was far to pleasurable for him to stop. He watched Malfoy as he swung his head around dramatically and played the air drum every now and then. The sight was so bizarre and so astonishing at the same time. 

The car approached a traffic light just as it turned from green to red and Harry slowed down. Malfoy frowned.

“What is that? Why are we stopping?” He asked and staring at Harry.

“It's a traffic light.”

“That doesn't mean a lot to me, Potter,” Malfoy grumbled. 

“When it turns red you have to stop,” he explained and the crease in Malfoy's forehead deepened.

“Why? For how long?” 

Harry tried not to sigh. “So that the cars coming from other regions can pass. We can drive again when the light turns green.” 

“That sounds pestering,” He mumbled and Harry pressed his lips together in an attempt to hide his smirk. When the light changed they started rolling again, driving out from the busy highway and onto a more abandoned road. They were surrounded by huge fields of grass and Malfoy pressed his face against the window. 

“This is beautiful,” Malfoy mumbled in fascination. Harry smiled at him with a self-satisfied expression on his face. They continued driving for a few more minutes, getting further and further away from civilization. After a while Harry slowed down and parked the car on the side of the road. They got out and Malfoy looked around in amazement. Harry got out their brooms from the back seat and handed Malfoy's to him.

“Come on,” he said and started walking toward an empty field, Malfoy following him closely behind.

“Is this where we're going to play?” He asked with a frown and Harry nodded. “Aren't you worried about muggles seeing us?”

“Nah,” Harry said. “I've been here with Ginny several times before when we've played. No one ever comes here.” 

Malfoy nodded slowly. “Are you ready?” He asked with a playful glimmer in his eyes.

“As I'll ever be,” Harry replied with a grin and with that he got out the Golden Snitch that Dumbledore had left for him after his passing. He threw it up in the air and watch as the white wings spread out and the snitch started to flicker around in the air. They positioned themselves on the broom and Harry turned to Malfoy.

“On the count of three?”

“One.”

“Two.”

“Three!”

Their feet left the ground at the same time and Harry felt the wind whip his face in a pleasant manner, his hair flying around his head as a whistling sound filled his ears. His face broke into a grin and when he passed Malfoy, he could see him smiling as well. They were both wearing their Quidditch robes from school, making the whole ordeal nostalgic and different at the same time. This time there was no bitter rivalry between them, only playful competition and both of them seemed to be a little rusty as they flew around in the air.                 

“Hey Potter!” Malfoy suddenly called from beside him. Harry turned to him and saw the grin on his face. “Did it hurt?” He shouted to him and Harry gave him a questioning look.

“What?” He called back.

“When you fell?” Malfoy replied and Harry snorted.

“What, from heaven?” He replied sarcastically.

“No, from your broom!” And with that said Malfoy rammed his broom into Harry's causing him to waver. 

“Hey!” Harry shouted displeased. “That's dirty!” Malfoy raised an eyebrow at him.

“What can I say, I'm a dirty boy!” Harry laughed loudly and Malfoy smiled smugly at him.

Right in that moment, Harry wanted nothing more than for this feeling to last forever. His body was overflowing with joy and the adrenaline was pumping and his heart was beating against his chest furiously. He loved every second of it and from the looks of it, so did Malfoy.

In the end Harry was the one that caught the snitch. When they landed on the ground they both collapsed in the grass, breathing heavily.

“Guess this means you're paying for drinks,” he panted while smiling and looking over at Malfoy. 

“Guess so,” Malfoy replied just as out of breath with a chuckle. Harry felt stomach flutter at the sound. He liked it. He had never heard Malfoy laugh so genuinely before. It was a pleasant sound, he noted. He looked up at the sky that had gone dark as the sun had went down not long ago. He sat up and got out two water bottles from a bag he had brought with him. He tossed one over to Malfoy who caught it effortlessly, still lying down. Harry gulped down the water and sighed in content when he finally felt his thirst diminishing. He laid down once again, staring at the sky as it got darker and the stars started to appear. Both of them was completely silent for a long while and Harry could hear Malfoy's breath slow down as he seemed to relax more and more. 

“We should do this again,” Harry said and looked over at Malfoy, who didn't look back at him as he spoke but still hummed in agreement. Harry smiled and his eyes drifted back to the sky. There was a light breeze in the air, the leaves in the trees rustled pleasantly, but beyond that everything was completely quiet. Harry couldn't remember the last time he had felt this content. The adrenaline rush had settled and his felt his body start to ache from the effort he had put in while playing. 

“Do you want to get going?” Harry asked for a while and turned his head towards Malfoy. He looked thoughtful for a while before looking over to him.

“Do you mind if we stay here, for a while?” He asked quietly and Harry raised his eyebrows in surprise.

“Not at all,” he said and Malfoy smiled, letting out a calm sigh as he turned to stare up the sky once more. The grass underneath him was damp and he started to feel the coldness seep through his uniform. If Malfoy wanted to stay he didn't mind, but he at least didn't want to get a cold from it. He slowly stood up, dusting himself off. Malfoy gave him a questioning look and Harry stepped towards him, holding out his hand.

“Come on,” he said. “I have an idea.” Malfoy looked hesitant for a while but grabbed his hand and allowed himself to be pulled up to his feet. They walked back to the car and Harry got in, rolled down a window and put the radio on, lowering the volume. He got out and closed the door, Malfoy observing him curiously. He smirked at him and took a seat on the hood over the car. 

“Sit,” he said and Malfoy looked at him for a moment before walking over and taking a seat next to him. Harry leaned back to lay down and Malfoy followed suit. The stared at the now pitch black sky, illuminating with stars and a half-moon. The music filled the silence and Harry could hear Malfoy as he hummed along. He smiled to himself. 

“Thank you,” Malfoy spoke all of a sudden. He turned to look at him with a slight frown.

“For what?” he asked and Malfoy rolled his eyes.

“You know,” he mumbled. “For doing this, taking me out for a game. I really needed this.” Harry eyed him for a while, gaze soft as he watched Malfoy who looked happy while troubled at the same time. 

“You're welcome,” he spoke quietly. Malfoy turned his face away again, but Harry did not. Taking in the sight of Malfoy as the moonlight shone down on his face, making all his feature look so much softer than usual. 

He was starting to look a bit more like his old self, Harry noted. He didn't look fully recovered, not by a long shot, but his face had filled out drastically and the even though the uniform had been a bit loose on him, he still filled it out well. There was something in those blue eyes too. A glimmer of hope that hadn't been there the first time he had seen Malfoy. He looked more alive and happier. The walls he seemed to have put up during his first visit were slowing going down, revealing a much more raw side of him. 

“I haven't gotten out much since I got sick,” he admitted and Harry snapped out of his thoughts.  

“Why not?” Harry asked quietly and Malfoy let out a soft chuckle. 

“I don't know if you've noticed this, Potter, but I'm not exactly the most popular person around these days.” There was a sadness in his voice as he spoke. “But it's not like I've put a lot of effort into socializing either,” he added quickly in a casual tone. “Going in and out of the hospital for years doesn't leave a lot of free time to make friends.”

Harry hesitated for a moment before speaking. “Ginny said you've been sick for about five years now?” 

Malfoy nodded. “Going on six,” he mumbled. Harry stuck out his tongue and ran it across his lips, looking at Malfoy with a small frown as he considered his next words carefully. 

“How did it start, your illness?” He finally asked cautiously.  For a moment he didn't expect a serious answer from him and prepared himself for an either sarcastic response or a change of subject. But none of that came.

“I don't know,” Malfoy finally admitted quietly. “It took a long time for me even realise I was sick, even longer to admit it. I guess part of me thought I had it all under control and I could change whenever I wanted to.” 

“When I found my father that day,” he continued, voice low and thick. “I was so mad and hurt. I felt completely lost for a long time. I found myself caring less and less about my health. My sleeping schedule got messed up, I wouldn't take care of myself hygiene-wise and one day I just stopped eating. I couldn't be bothered any more, I didn't care.” 

“I didn't care about anything-not myself and not my family. I turned selfish, just like my father.” His voice turned bitter. “I just felt my will to live decrease everyday and I couldn't really put my finger on why. Nothing seemed worth it anymore and I found myself obsessing about the only thing in my life that I could actually control-which was food. I always thought I could turn it off whenever if I wanted to, but as it turned out that wasn't the case. I realised it was the only thing that made sense all of a sudden. It was the only thing that I could think about that didn't upset me. It was a way to distract myself from everything else in my life and occupy my mind to keep myself from getting sucked into the past.” 

“I never felt like I had a reason to get better, so I didn't try.” 

Harry could feel his heart ache and almost break at every word. He knew exactly what he meant, he had gotten stuck in the same pattern of thinking when he had started to drink. It became something for him to look forward to during the days. It made him forget and brought him comfort. It was like a security blanket. He hadn't realised that maybe eating disorders too were a type of addiction as well. 

“For a long time I blamed myself when it happened to Ginny,” he admitted quietly. “I thought it was the result of our destructive relationship. That it was my fault because of the way I treated her.” Malfoy shook his head at that.

“It's never about anyone else,” he said in a sharp voice. “Eating disorders... It's all selfish. It's all about ourselves . Whether it's feeling out of control, punishing yourself, guilt. It's just another way to hurt yourself with the no regard to anyone else.” 

“It's a high, knowing that you're the one in control. You're the one calling the shots, but that's a lie. We're not in control, our sickness is. We have no say in anything and everything we do is a result of that.”

“What was it for you?” Harry asked in a hushed voice. “Control? Guilt?” 

Malfoy pursed his lips. “Both and neither,” he mumbled. “It wasn't like I was actively thinking about punishing myself, but that's what I was doing, even if I didn't want to admit it. As for control,” he bit his bottom lip. “It was a nice delusion. I kept thinking I could stop whenever I wanted to and that the problem lied in the fact that I didn't want to. I wanted to get sick, as fucked up as it sounds. It was the only thing that made sense in my life and it was the only thing I was truly good at. I figured that if I was going to destroy everything around me I might as well destroy myself in the process.”  

Harry looked at him, feeling a lump in his throat at the admittance and his chest seemed to contract painfully. He took a deep breath too in an attempt to sooth it. 

“I know what you mean,” he finally said and saw Malfoy give him a doubtful look. “Honestly,” he added in a sincere voice.

“After the war I threw myself into work, thinking it would distract me enough to get over it, but it wasn't enough. I turned to alcohol. Started drinking everyday, each day it got worse. I didn't think it was a problem and was convinced I could stop whenever I wanted, the problem was that I didn't want to stop. It was my comfort and my way of getting through the day. It wasn't until I lost Ginny that I realised that I wasn't in control.” 

Malfoy frowned slightly, seeming stunned by the confession. 

“Have you thought about seeing a mind healer?” Harry asked him and got a huff in response.

“Not on my own terms, I was forced to the first times I were hospitalized but started after a while I started  refusing more and more and eventually they just gave up and let me be.” 

“You should,” Harry said softly. “I did and it actually helped me a lot.” Malfoy looked slightly uncomfortable.

“It's not really my thing,” he mumbled and Harry let out warm-hearted chuckle.

“That's what I thought too,” he replied. “But it turned out a lot better than I was expecting and the woman I met with was really good. She managed to put everything in perspective. Made me think about things that I hadn't and I started to realise a lot about myself thanks to that. For the first time ever I feel like I truly know myself. I know my limits and I know what's good for me and what's not. I've found way to handle my emotions in more healthy ways and understand why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling.” 

Malfoy looked slightly impressed and nodded slowly. “That's good,” he said after a while and Harry hummed.

“If you want me to I could set you up with her,” he offered. “If you're serious about getting better this time around I think that's a good way to start.”

Malfoy looked hesitant. “I don't know,” he started and Harry sat up.

“Just give it a try,” Harry urged. He didn't want to press it too much, afraid Malfoy would shut down if he did, but he wanted to convince. It seemed like something he could really benefit from. “You don't have to commit to anything if you feel like it's not working for you.” Malfoy gnawed on his bottom lip, looking like he was actually starting to consider it. “If you want to, I could come with you,” he offered and Malfoy raised an eyebrow at him.

“You'd do that?” he asked dubiously and Harry gave him a nod.

“If you want to. Otherwise you can I ask Ginny, I'm sure she wouldn't mind.” Malfoy stared up at the sky before finally sighing in defeat.

“Okay,” he finally mumbled in agreement. “I guess it couldn't hurt to give it try.” Harry beamed and Malfoy rolled his eyes at him, but smirked nonetheless.

“I have one more suggestion,” Harry admitted and Malfoy groaned. “Just hear me out,” he argued and Malfoy closed his eyes as he sighed.

“Fine,” he muttered in a grumpy tone and Harry shook his head in amusement. 

“Join us for dinner,” he said and Malfoy looked at him like he had lost his mind. “We have these family dinners to help Ginny with her recovery. To make sure to keep her on track. Join us.” Malfoy mouth opened and he looked like he was about to argue.

“I really don't think that's a good idea,” he protested and Harry tilted his head.

“If you're worried about Charlie and Bill they won't be there,” he continued. “I know everyone else won't mind and I think it would make Ginny really happy. You're good for her,” he gave him a poke in the rib and Malfoy let out a displeased whine and jerked away from Harry, who chuckled at him. Malfoy looked at him, pressing his lips together. 

“Fine,” he said, looking slightly annoyed. “If it will help Ginny as well, I think I can bear through it.” Harry smiled at him and saw as the corner of Malfoy's mouth turn slightly upwards in a crooked smile. Harry felt a warmth spread in his chest and exhaled slowly, revelling in the feeling of absolute calm. He was happy that Malfoy finally seemed to be willing to accept help. A month ago he would have never even hoped for that possibility. Then again, he never he imagined being here, having a decent and almost solemn friendship with his old rival. 

“I guess it's too late now to get that drink,” Malfoy suddenly said in soft voice. Harry laughed and rubbed the back of his head.

“I guess so,” he replied and Malfoy gave him a smile. “We'll just have to do it another time.” Malfoy nodded, suddenly his eye's turned slightly troubled and he turned his face away, frowning ever so slightly.

“What is it?” Harry wondered as his forehead creased in concern.

“It's nothing,” he mumbled but Harry could see that a part of him seemed to want to tell him. He kept his eyes on Malfoy expectantly. He glanced over at him. “You really want to know?” He asked and Harry nodded.

“My father,” he just said. “He tends to pop up in my head whenever I start to feel even the slightest hope of a decent life. I guess part of me is still expecting to end up just like him.” Harry frowned at him

“For as far as I can tell, you're nothing like him. Not any more.” he said in a serious voice and Malfoy gave him doubtful look.  

“I don't think you know me well enough to draw that conclusion,” he mumbled and brought his arms up as he lifted his head slightly, resting it on his hands. 

“Maybe not,” Harry agreed. “But Ginny does. From what I've heard you're a far better person than he ever was.” Malfoy looked at him gratitude flashing in his eyes before turning to gaze up at the stars. 

“I wouldn't say that,” he mumbled. “I let everyone in my life down. I've hurt them beyond repair with my destructive behaviour. Mother is practically sick with worry and Astoria seems to have lost all hope of me ever getting better. Daphne I've done nothing more than drag her down with me.” Harry frowned.

“Greengrass?” he asked and Malfoy nodded.

“I didn't know you were friends with them,” he said and Malfoy looked at him in surprise. 

“Really?” he asked as he frowned. “Ginny didn't tell you she was in the ward with us?” Harry's eyes widened at that. His mouth feel slight agape and he wondered why that was something she had kept from them

“No,” he said after a while. “She didn't.”

“Huh,” Malfoy said looking slightly confused. “Well, I was suppose to marry Astoria, but that kind of fell through,” he said. “And like I said, Daphne spent a lot of time with me, going in and out of the hospital just like me.” He glanced at Harry as he seemed to chose his next words carefully. “Guess she didn't tell you it was Daphne who had that breakdown and tried to kill herself.” Harry blinked.

“No, she didn't,” he mumbled. Malfoy pursed his lips.

“Well, nonetheless. They are the most important people in my life, they have been for a long time. Treated me well, showed me more love than I've ever deserved and all I ever gave them in return was pain.”  

“At least you're trying,” Harry argued. “That's more than your father ever did.”

“I guess,” he mumbled quietly. He shook his head and let out a frustrated sigh. “I just can't get over the fact that he could leave us like that. Mother was so devastated, she still hasn't recovered from his passing.” He looked angry and rubbed his forehead harshly. “I'm just glad I was the one who found him and not her.” Harry gave him an empathetic look. 

“I'm sorry,” said mournfully. “That must've been horrible.” Malfoy just shrugged.

“I'm over it,” he mumbled. “It was nothing compared to what we experienced in the war, so.” 

“Still,” Harry said. “I can't imagine what that was like for you. He was your father after all.” Malfoy gave him a cold look.

“Was he?” He asked harshly. “I mean, biologically, yes. But I was no son of his.” He wrinkled his nose in disgust. “I was nothing more than a mere pawn in his sick game. A soldier for him to groom and manipulate.” 

Harry swallowed, not sure what to say at that. Malfoy pursed his lips. “I'm glad he's gone,” he said icily. “He did nothing but inflict pain on us. Had he not been so selfish and foolish we wouldn't have been dragged into this mess. We wouldn't had have to do what we did to survive.” 

“But that's just it, isn't it?” Harry pointed out. “You did what you had to. We all did.” Malfoy eyed him before his gaze fell, still looking slightly troubled.  

“I guess,” he said after a while. “Still, things would have been so much different if I had just chosen the right path and not followed him like an obedient little dog.” He sounded so disgusted with himself, the self-hatred clear as day in his eyes. Harry felt devastated. He wanted nothing more than to comfort him, to tell him he was proud of him for how far he'd came since their school days. “I don't think I'll ever forgive him though. For what he put us through, especially mother-both during and after the war.” 

Harry wasn't going to argue with that. He could understand his anger and his frustration, even if he wanted to tell him that it was okay to feel sad about it. 

“Have you thought about what you want to do for a living?” He asked suddenly, thinking it was best to change the subject before it got to depressive. Malfoy looked surprised at him, eyebrows wrinkled. 

“Not really,” he admitted. “I never really thought about the future, I didn't think I would ever have one.” 

Harry felt heavy hearted upon hearing that. He realised just then how absolutely hopeless Malfoy must have felt, to think that he would never have a life beyond being sick. Harry looked thoughtful for a moment.

“How about an auror?” He suggestion and Malfoy let out a humourless laugh.

“Like they would ever accept me in with my past,” he said bitterly.

“They might,” Harry said but Malfoy shook his head.

“Not really my thing anyway. I've lived around dark magic enough, I don't want to make a career of out hunting for it, besides,” he started smirking. “I have no stamina. I wouldn't run unless I had to and even then I don't think I'd have the willpower to do so.” He chuckled light and shook his head.

“What about a healer?” Harry suggested and Malfoy snorted.

“Because nothing makes more sense than an anorexic preaching about the importance of health,” he said, voice dripping with sarcasm. 

“Mind healer?”

“Potter, I can't even deal with my own issues, how the hell am I supposed to deal with others?” Harry looked thoughtful for a while, mind going through every possibility he could think of. Suddenly a light went off in his head.

“You know,” he started. “Slughorn is about to retire. I think you'd be a great potions master at Hogwarts.” Once again Malfoy just snorted at him.

“I don't think McGonagall would be to found if the idea of me teaching,” he said as he shook his head.

Harry was just about to argue when Malfoy sat up. “Maybe it's time to get back,” he said as he looked at him. Harry closed his mouth and nodded, both of them slid down from the hood of the car and planted their feet in the ground. Right before they got in again Harry stopped. 

“I have one more thing to ask of you,” he admitted and Malfoy groaned.

“You're looking a gift thestral in the mouth, Potter,” he said in a warning tone Harry grinned at him.

“I know,” he said. “Just hear me out.” Malfoy grumbled under his breath but didn't stop him. “Come with me on Saturday,” he said and Malfoy raised an eyebrow at him.

“What's on Saturday?” he asked as he frowned.

“Me, Ginny, Hermione and Ron are meeting up with some friends for drinks. Join us,” he looked at Malfoy with a firm look on his face. “You can buy me that drink you owe me,” he added with a smirk and Malfoy sighed as he threw his head back, looking annoyed. 

“Fine,” he said in an exasperated tone. “Are you sure you're okay to drink though?” he asked with a frown, a slightly concerned look flashed on his face. Harry felt slightly flattered.

“Yeah,” he said. “I know my limits these day and I'm mentally stable know to enjoy a drink every now and then.” Malfoy nodded.

“Okay,” he said. “I'll join, but only because I owe you that stupid drink.” Harry beamed at him and Malfoy gave him a small smile. 

“Good,” he said satisfied and with that they got into the car and drove away.

 

*****  

 

“You didn't say we were going to a muggle bar,” Malfoy commented casually and Harry glanced at him.

“Is that a problem?” He asked with a raised eyebrow and Malfoy huffed.

“Of course not,” he said, sounding offended. “I was just surprise you didn't mention it.” Harry smiled to himself.

“It's easiest like that,” he said. “No one recognizes us and we won't be bothered by people around us.”

Malfoy nodded understandingly as they made their way inside, Hermione, Ron and Ginny following them close behind. Once there Harry was immediately greeted by the sight of his friends and approached the table they were sitting at with a smile. Joining them for the evening were Luna, Neville, Dean and Seamus. They waved frantically at them and he could almost feel Malfoy stiffening beside him. Harry wasn't worried though, he had given them a heads up about his company and no one had seemed to mind it. 

Everyone stood up and greeted them with a hug. Luna, however, was the only one to wrap her arms around Malfoy. He smiled warmly as he hugged her back.

“Lovegood,” he greeted softly. “What's new with you?” He asked as they pulled away. Luna smiled at him.

“Well, I'm gay,” she said bluntly and Malfoy stared at her in silence before bursting into laughter. Harry felt his stomach flip at the sound, something it seemed to be doing quite often these days. 

“Same,” he chuckled and Luna lit up at the confession when everyone else seemed to be stunned into silence, staring wide eyed at him. Harry couldn't help but smile to himself. Malfoy turned to the rest of the company and gave them a polite nod, receiving the same gesture back. They sat down and Neville smiled at Ginny.

“You look-”

“If you're about to say healthy I would highly recommend you stop right there,” Malfoy interrupted and Neville frowned, looking at Ginny who nodded while giving him a slightly apologetic smile. 

“You looked good,” he just said instead and Ginny smiled at him. He then turned to Malfoy.

“You too,” he said, trying to sound relaxed. “Ginny told us you were in there with her.” Malfoy glanced at Ginny who looked away with an innocent look. 

“Yeah,” he confirmed after a while. Neville nodded.

“How's the recovery going?” he asked and Malfoy blinked, looking slightly puzzled.

“As well as can be expected,” he replied after a while. “It's a struggle. But I think I've been doing good.”

“He's been doing great,” Ginny piped up and gave Malfoy a warm smile. Malfoy blushed slightly and Harry couldn’t help but think he looked just a little bit cute. Very little.

Harry wasn't ashamed or in denial about his sexuality. He had come out as bisexual to Ginny after their split and she had been more than happy for him for realising that about himself. He had been a relief, he admitted. He had struggled for a long time to find himself and his identity and discovering that himself had felt like a step in the right direction. But even if that was the case, he most certainly wasn't attracted to Malfoy. Because that would be insane.

“What would you like?” Malfoy asked Harry all of a sudden, causing him to stare at him in confusion. “To drink,” he clarified and he let put a small “oh,” causing Malfoy to raise an eyebrow at him. “What did you think I meant?” he asked suspiciously and Harry shook his head stressfully.

“Nothing,” he mumbled. “I'll have a beer,” he quickly added and Malfoy gave him a curt nod before standing up and walking over to the bar. Harry watched him as he disappeared. He could feel someone stare at him from the corner of his eye and turned to see Ginny looking at him with an amused smirk.

“What?” he asked, not sure why he felt so defensive all of a sudden. She shook her head, still smirking to herself.

“Nothing,” she said and Harry frowned and looked away.

“Why is Malfoy buying you a drink?” Dean asked with a frown and Harry smiled smugly. 

“He lost a game of Quidditch.” He smirked.

“Surprise, surprise,” Seamus chuckled as he brought his beer to take a sip.

“He has a Firebolt,” Malfoy grumbled, suddenly reappearing with two beers in his hands. He set one beer down on the table in front of Harry. “That's hardly fair.” He sat down and Harry smirked at him.

“You're just a sore loser,” he teased and Malfoy huffed.

“And you're an obnoxious winner,” he shot back, playfulness glimmer in his eyes.

“I'm allowed to be,” Harry said as he smirked widened. “You would've been even worse if you had won,” he pointed out in a self-assured voice and Malfoy snorted.

“Hardly,” he denied in a posh voice but smirked back even so. Harry smiled as he took a sip from his beer. When he looked up from the brim of his glass he could see everyone stare at them in astonishment. He frowned but didn't comment on it.

“So,” Seamus said after a while after clearing his voice. “What have been up to lately?” Malfoy shrugged.

“Besides killing myself slowly? Nothing at all.” They stared at him shock, not quite sure what to say. The looked over at Harry who gave them an apologetic look before kick Malfoy lightly under the table. He glared at him but Harry just gave him an innocent smile. Suddenly music started playing and everyone turned to look at a small staged at the other end of the bar.

“Oh yeah,” Luna said in a dreamy voice. “It's karaoke night.”

Ron groaned and hid his face in his hands. “That is the worst possible night to be here. I can't stand all these tone deaf fools making a joke out of themselves.” Hermione slapped him lightly on his arm.

“Don't be mean,” she scolded.

“I think it's funny,” Ginny giggled and Ron rolled his eyes.

“Of course you do,” he mumbled and she stuck out her tongue at him.

Harry never thought he would see the day, but as the alcohol seemed to flow, Malfoy got drunker and drunker. It wasn't long before he was slurring, waving his hands as spoke loudly and inconsistently. Harry laughed, having no idea Malfoy could be this hilarious when he was drunk-even if most of the things that came out of his mouth were self-deprecating jokes. Everyone seemed amused as well, but also a bit concerned at his sense of humour. Suddenly Malfoy got up on his feet, stumbling slight. Harry steadied him by grabbing a hold of his arm, still sitting down. Malfoy gave him a sweet smile.

“Ever the gentleman, Potter,” he mused with a smile and Harry chuckled as he shook his head. 

“Where are you going?” He asked and Malfoy gave him a wide grin, looking childishly playful. 

“I'm going to sing,” he announced loudly and Harry stared at him.

“What?” He asked, trying to keep himself from laughing out loud.

“Because,” he just said and before Harry could say anything Malfoy stumbled away. Ginny laughed and everyone seemed completely dumbfounded as they watched him get up on stage. 

“Go Draco!” Ginny shouted loudly and Malfoy blew her a kiss. It didn't take long for him to choose a song and soon the sound of familiar techno song from 2007 started to play. He swayed from side to side, moving in time with music before he started singing. 

_ “I like where we are _ __  
_ When we drive in your car _ __  
_ I like where we are _ _  
_ _ Here.” _ __

Harry didn't know what was more incomprehensible, the fact that he knew every word by heart and didn't even glance at the screen for support or the fact that despite being absolutely pissed, Malfoy hit every tone perfectly. He would have never guessed that Malfoy could sing and being good singer at that. 

_ “Well you are the one _ __  
_ The one that lies close to me _ __  
_ Whispers hello, I miss you quite terribly _ __  
_ I fell in love _ __  
_ In love with you suddenly _ __  
_ Now there's no place else I could be _ _  
_ _ But here in your arms.” _ __

Harry felt his heart lodge in his throat when he realised that Malfoy was staring straight at him. He fought down a blush and hoped that no one else noticed it. When the song came to the end he was unsurprised that Ginny flew to her feet, clapping loudly and cheering. What did surprise him, however, was that the rest of the table did the same thing. He had no choice but to follow them but he hardly minded. Malfoy really deserved it. He took a bow and stumbled off stage, making his way back to the table. Everyone started to pat him the back, pouring compliments.

“I had no idea you were a singer,” Ginny laughed impressed and Malfoy shook his head.

“I'm not,” he said before burping. “I'm drunk.” He swayed to the side, close to losing his balance and Harry quickly caught him.

“I think it's time for someone to call it a night,” he said and smiled softly at Malfoy.

He pouted.

“You're no fun,” he complained and Harry just smirked at him in amusement. 

“Come one,” he said, putting one of Malfoy's arms around his shoulders while putting his own around his waist to keep him up.

“Fine,” he mumbled. 

“I'm walking him home,” Harry said to the others. “He's in no condition to be alone.” They nodded in agreement and then said their goodbyes before exiting the bar.

“I had fun,” Malfoy slurred in a sleepy voice. “Thank you for convincing me to go out with you.” 

Harry was sure Malfoy was just rambling and he smiled for himself.

“You're welcome,” he replied. “I'm glad I could convince you.” Malfoy hummed in agreement before yawning. Harry stopped and carefully let go of Malfoy, who looked at him confused. He turned his back to him and hunched down.

“Get up,” he ordered and Malfoy groaned in protest.

“You're not carrying me you goblin imbecile,” he grumbled and Harry rolled his eyes.

“It's not up for discussion,” he said in a stubborn voice. “Get up.”

Malfoy made a few more protesting noises under his breath but complied after a while, grabbing Harry by the shoulders before hopping up, wrapping his arms over his shoulders. He was light, despite having gained a bit. Still, Harry stumbled slightly as their bodies collided but still managed to straighten up quickly. Malfoy buried his head in the nape of neck, breath hot against Harry's chilled skin. He shivered slightly at the sensation and felt his heart beat violently in his chest. His mouth felt extremely dry all of a sudden and he swallowed hard. 

“Where are we going?” Malfoy mumbled. 

“Just away from the muggles, then we'll apparate to the manor,” Harry said and Malfoy mumbled something incoherently before falling quiet. 

“Who knew you were such a lightweight,” he teased and Malfoy chuckled.

“In more ways than one,” he said and Harry chuckled. 

“I don't think I ever did thank you,” Malfoy said after a while quietly. “For what you did after the war. Had you not defended us at the trials we would have all ended up in Azkaban.” Harry turned his head to the side slightly and glanced at him. His eyes were closed and looked peaceful. He turned his head back forward.

“It was the right thing to do,” he said in an honest voice. “You don't need to thank me.” Malfoy hummed.

“Still,” he mumbled. “Thank you.” 

He was quiet for a long time after that and had it not been for his grip around Harry, he would have thought that he had fallen asleep.

“I never hated you, you know,” he said after a while. “I was just upset that you rejected me first year.” Harry felt slightly surprised at the confession, but said nothing.

“I really wanted to be your friend,” he continued. “But you know what they say-if you can't join them, beat them up.”

Harry chuckled. “That's not how that saying goes,” he pointed out and he could hear Malfoy yawn.

“Whatever,” he mumbled and Harry smiled in amusement. Once they were far away enough he carefully let the other man down. Malfoy slid against his back before planting his feet on the ground. Harry grabbed his arm and with a loud crack they apparated.

The landed just outside the manor and Harry was surprised that there were no ward up, allowing them to walk to the entrance.

“You don't need to walk me to the door,” Malfoy mumbled in weak protest. “I can make it from here.” Harry shrugged.

“I'd rather make sure you get safely inside and don't end up falling asleep on the porch or anything.” Once again Malfoy pouted. Harry ignored him. 

“Should I knock?” he asked when they were finally there, but he received no answer. He looked at Malfoy and noticed that his eyes hung down limply, eyes closed. He wasn't asleep, but something close to that, even if he was still standing. Harry considered it for a while before knocking. A few seconds later the door swung open. Narcissa looked at them, not moving a muscle. 

“Delivery,” Harry said in an attempt to joke and Narcissa pursed her lips, looking slightly annoyed before moving to side. 

“Please come in,” she said and Harry obliged, stepping inside the manor. Narcissa showed him the way to a bedroom and Harry mumbled a thanks and dragged Malfoy towards the bed before laying him down. Narcissa stood in the doorway observing them.

“Come with me,” she said after a while and Harry looked at her slightly dumbfounded before nodding slowly. She closed the door behind them and they started walking down the corridor. 

“He's an adult but it's still quiet worrisome seeing him drunk,” she said in a toneless voice. “Did he at least have fun?” She asked and turned to look at Harry. He nodded slowly. She gave a curt nod back. “That's good.” 

“I'm happy. He's been doing quite well with his recovery and I really hope he truly gets better this time.” Her eyes soften.

“You've been good to him, Harry Potter.” She sighed deeply, but looked at peace. “I hope you won't mind continuing being there for him.” Harry frowned.

“Of course not,” he said to her and she looked at him applicative. 

“He always did like you,” she said warm voice. “He would never shut up about you when he was young. Nearly drove my husband mad,” she chuckled at the memory, but Harry could see the sadness in her eyes.

“I'm sorry for you loss,” he offered in a sincere voice. Narcissa looked at him.

“Thank you,” she said quietly. “You should probably get going. You can use our floo.” Harry nodded and Narcissa showed him the way.

“You're a good man, Harry Potter,” she said and reached out her hand to brush away a few strands of hair from his face. A blushed stained his tanned cheeks and looked down embarrassed. When he glanced up Narcissa was smiling fondly at him. “Draco is lucky to have you and the Weasley's in his life.”

He swallowed and nodded before giving her a small smile “Thank you,” he said kindly and stepped into the floo.

“I hope to see you around soon,” she said and Harry nodded before taking the floo powder in his hand and making his way home.

 

*****

 For weeks Malfoy kept his promise. Joining them once a week for dinner. Harry liked it. Every time they saw him he looked more alive and more happy. His self-deprecating humour had lessen significantly but he was still funny, joking around and laughing with them. He was getting along fabulously with the entire family. He played chess with Ron, giving him a real challenge for once. He talked to Hermione about politics, books and everything in between. He and George would sit and brainstorm about new products for him to develop. Harry loved seeing it. It was unexpected in every way, but the fact that they had come this far made him feel warm inside. Ginny's recover was going just as well. Every now and then they would step aside and talk, probably giving each other encouraging words as they supported each other in getting better. Malfoy was eating more and more, looking a lot more untroubled each time. Harry was proud of him. He had started to take another step towards recovery recently by going to mind healer. 

“Are you going to go back?” Harry asked at the dinner table and Malfoy looked at him before nodding.

“I think so,” he said. “It wasn't that bad, to be honest.” Harry gave him a self-satisfied smile.

“Told you she was good,” he said and Malfoy chuckled.

“That you did,” he said in an amused voice, looking at Harry with soft eyes. When Harry stood up to leave his plate in the sink Malfoy handed him his as well.

“Can you take this with you?” He asked.

“Yes, dear,” he replied in an exaggeratedly high-pitch voices, not noticing the exchange of looks that happened at the table when he left.

When Malfoy had gone home that night Ginny came into the living room to seat herself in the sofa next to Harry. She studied him for a while and Harry raised a questioning eyebrow at her. 

“You should tell him,” she said after a while in soft voice and smile on her lips. Harry frowned. 

“Tell him what?” he asked and Ginny rolled her eyes as she gave him a meaningful look.

“Don't play daft,” she said and poked his rib. “You like him.” Harry's face went red. He opened his mouth to protest, only to find himself having absolutely nothing to say in his defensive. Ginny started laughing at him.

“See?” she chuckled. “You can't even deny it.” She smiled at him in amusement. “Why don't you tell him?”

Harry sighed and shrugged. “I don't know,” he mumbled. “What if he doesn't feel the same?” he asked and Ginny snorted at him.

“You can't be that oblivious,” she said in a dubious voice. “Come on, Harry! I've seen the way he looks at you. When the two of you are in the same room, it's like nothing else exists.” 

Harry bit his bottom lip, not really sure if that was the truth. 

“You're good for each other,” she added after a while. “I don't think I've ever seen him this happy before. You bring out a completely new side of him.” Harry eyed her in silence. 

“Maybe,” he finally said after a while. 

“You have nothing to lose,” Ginny pointed out. “You like him, he likes you. Go for it.” He was just about to reply when Ron spoke.

“I'm sorry but I don't think I can support this,” he said quietly. “Not for that reason,” he added quickly when he saw the look on their faces. 

“Then what?” Ginny asked as she frowned at him. Ron looked troubled for a while before his shoulder sagged. 

“I don't think it's a good idea,” he said after a while, looking at Harry with a concerned expression. “He's not stable-”

“So what? Just because he has some issues he doesn't deserve to be loved?” Ginny interrupted in an offended voice. 

“That's not what I mean,” Ron protested. He bit his bottom lip and looked over to Harry. “I have a bad feeling. I don't want you to get hurt if he...” He went quiet and Harry nodded, knowing exactly what he meant.

“I beg to differ,” Hermione said after a while. “I think it would be good for him. If anything it could motivate him even more to get better.” Ron looked over at her, unconvinced. After a while he sighed deeply.

“Well, in the end it's completely up to you,” he said looking over at Harry. “If you want to go for it I'll support you, even if I think it's a bad idea. He's become a decent fellow, I don't mind having him around,” he admitted and Harry gave him a smile. 

“We'll see,” he said after a while. “If it feels right, sure, but for now I think it's best for me to remain his friend. If something does happen.”

Something did happen. One day Malfoy didn't show up for dinner, causing everyone to be concerned.

“It's probably nothing,” Hermione said soothingly. “He's probably just late.”

“He's never late,” Ginny argued in a distressed voice. “And if he was he would tell me.” 

The clock ticked. The food got cold. They gave up waiting for him. The hours passed and just as they were getting ready to go hope the door swung open. They whipped around startled and stared with wide eyes at the entry. There was Malfoy. Head down, no jacket and dripping wet from the rain that was pouring outside. 

“Draco?” Ginny whispered. He lifted his head. Harry felt his heart fall to his stomach and a lump form in his throat. His eyes were red and he was shaking. Ginny quickly approached him and grabbed his hand, pulling him inside before closing the door.

“What's the matter?” she asked breathlessly, eyes scanning his face. He looked at her, eyes empty and face void of any emotions.

“Daphne,” he said in a thick voice. Ginny's eyes widened and a small gasp ripped from her. He didn't need to say anything else. Harry knew and by the looks of it, so did Ginny. Her eyes started to water and she pulled him into a tight hug. Malfoy's body was completely limp in her grip. He let out a shaky breath and squeezed his eyes shut.

“She's dead.” His voice started cracking. “She finally did it, the stupid bint.” Ginny pressed her face into his chest, shoulders shaking as she sobbed quietly against his shirt. “She finally killed herself.” 

His voice broke and he pulled away from Ginny before hiding his face in his hands. When they fell limp to his sides he let out a heart wrenching scream, body shaking before falling to his knees, sobbing uncontrollably and slamming his fist against the floor repeatedly. Hermione and Ron had ran into the hallway and Hermione had one hand covering her mouth as she watched the scene, completely heartbroken. Ginny threw herself to the ground and wrapped her arms around Malfoy who grabbed her and held her tight as he struggled to breath. Harry stood frozen, feeling his breath coming out in small huffs as he tried his best to not break down as well. He didn't know what to do. What to say. He felt completely lost. His heart was cramping in his chest and he felt dizzy. 

That night Malfoy slept at the Burrow, his sobs still echoing throughout the house as he laid in bed with Ginny. Harry stayed as well. He didn't want to leave Malfoy. He wanted to go in and comfort him. To be there for him. Instead he he went up to Ron's old bedroom and before he could think he punched the wall so hard he could feel the bones in his hand crack. He didn't care. He sank down on the floor. Hyperventilating and praying to ever god he could think of that this wouldn't push Malfoy over the edge. That this wouldn't cause him to relapse.

Side note: It did.    

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *laughing nervously* what the fuck???
> 
> Also I'll be going away for two weeks so the next chater won't be up anytime soon. Sorry for the cliffhanger but I really wanted to get this out before leaving hurhur.
> 
> All comments, kudos and bookmarks and everything is welcome and highly appreciated <33 ily all and hope you enjoyed it.


	3. Draco

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *walks in 15 years late with starbucks* anyway here's the last chapter
> 
> lmao no but seriously YOU GUYS KEEP ME ALIVE!!! thanks for all the lovley support and comments and all!!  
> I've taken everything you've said into consideration and tried to adjust after that! So yeah. Hope u like this!!!
> 
> EDIT: Holy fuck i just realised i left out and entire flashback and had to rearrange the whole fucking chapter and rewrite caause i couldn't find it????? anyway it's there now so hopefully i didn't fuck things up too bad.

***

3

*****

Draco Malfoy was a selfish bastard. He knew that. He had always known that. What he didn't know was how to stop being that. Maybe it was just one of many things he could change, but didn't want. Maybe it was etched into his DNA. Maybe he just wasn't cable of being anything other than that-a self centred, egotistical git. From time to time he did find himself wondering where he went wrong. He held his father accountable for most of it, but he was well aware of the fact that he himself wasn't without blame. He had made a lot of bad choices in his life and even though a lot of it stemmed from his upbringing he knew that there were quiet a few things in his life he could have done differently. He had just been too scared, too weak. Never opposing his father, always following commands, never thinking for himself and always trusting blindly in what everyone else were saying. He was pathetic, to say the least. He was Draco Malfoy, the destroyer. Everything he touched seemed to crumble before him, everything he loved disappeared before his eyes as he tried desperately to grasp a hold of it, only to be left empty handed like he was grabbing for smoke in the air. Descending, up, up and away. He wasn't meant for happiness. He wasn't worthy of a decent life. He told himself that everyday and so had his father before his death.

“The world wasn't meant for people like us, Draco,” he had told him. “The world is a filthy and dark place, inhabited by vermin. This is what we get for trying to do the right thing, for trying to make it better.”

Better.

Draco wanted to laugh at that. Better for whom? What made them more deserving of respect than anyone else? Lucius never asked for respect, he demanded it, felt entitled to it. Back then it had been so much easier to buy into the idea that they were superior and everyone else inferior. It made sense, didn't it? The world would never be a place of equality. It was survival of the richest, a-hound-eat-hound-world. His father had always told him there were only two kinds of people in this world-those who stayed put in their place and those who put them in their place. Everything had been so easy to buy into back then, to believe that they were the ones in charge. Draco never had any doubts about that, until the Dark Lord's resurrection. Only then had it dawned on him what type of world was ahead of them. It was a world Draco wanted no part in. A world of terror, hatred and massacres. Those who did not obey died. Those who made mistakes tortured. It didn't matter if they were his followers. A failure was a failure and a failure had no place in this world.

And oh, had Draco failed, in every aspect of the word. The orders he did not follow through had severe consequences, how else was he suppose to learn from his mistakes? The Dark Lord had no problem making an example out of him or anyone else, even if they were on the same side. His side.

Many nights did Draco find himself hoping, begging and even praying to whatever entity or higher power there was in the world. He just needed some to listen to him for once, listen to his desperate cries for help.

Then came Potter.

Potter with that birds nest atop of his head he had the audacity to call hair and his stupid crooked glasses he had worn since his first year. Potter with his idiotic saviour-complex and self-righteousness.

Saint Potter.

Yet, never in his life had Draco been more happy to see him alive when he threw himself on the ground from Hagrid's grip. Draco didn't think twice before shouting his name on top of his lungs as he bolted forward to thrust his wand into Potter's hands. When the Dark Lord had fallen his family had scrambled to get out of there to avoid the aftermath of the war. Draco however, wanted to stay. He wanted to thank Potter, he wanted to celebrate, but that had been no option for him. Not after everything he had done. So he went away with his family, looking behind him as they dragged him away from the spectacle.

Then the trials came. He had been terrified but resolute in taking whatever punishment that would be handed to him. He would not let anyone see how truly and utterly afraid he was as he imagined he worst possible scenario for his family and him. So he put on a mask. Hid all his emotions away in the darkest corner of his brain and let his body work on auto-pilot, only walking, nodding, saying “Yes, sir,” and “That is correct, sir.” He hardly even blinked once and he kept his face completely blank and void of any emotions.

Then Potter swooped in. Apparently it wasn't enough for him to save the whole bloody Wizard World. He just had to be the one to save the Malfoy's as well. He wanted to hate Potter for that. Even as their verdict was delivered to them did he not show any sign of gratitude of relief. He just stared at Potter and Potter had stared back. But they never spoke after that. He had returned Draco's wand, by owl, leaving him with a small note that said “Thanks for the loan,” but that was that. They never heard or saw each other after that and Draco never replied to his letter. After all, Potter wasn't the one who should be thanking him, but rather the other way around. Draco couldn't bring himself to do it though. He was scared of once again being rejecter by him. Which he did feel absolutely ridiculous about. Still, he found himself unable to work up the courage to write back and after a while it had been so long, it would just be weird of him to reach out. So he let it go.

His father never forgave him for what he had done in the end. He had been furious with Draco. “How could you betray us like,” he'd scream at him. “Helping Potter!? You bring shame to the Malfoy name. Betraying the Dark Lord at that, you filthy traitor.” Draco however never regretted what he had done, even if it did mean suffering through his father wrath. After all it was nothing compared to the agony he had been put through during the war. The constant death threats that hung over him and his family. The torture, the fear, the feeling of absolute darkness and despair. If this was the price he had to pay for finally doing the right thing, he was more than happy to live with that.

The day he found his father's dead body swinging from the chandelier his first thought had been “How in Merlin's name did he managed to get up there?” After that the shock came. He found himself unable to move, just staring at his father's corps. Once he finally regained the capacity to move again he panicked. The first thing that rushed through his head once he managed to process the sight before him was his mother. He could not let her see him like this. He whipped out his wand, only then realising that his body was shaking. With a shaky voice he mumbled out a spell, stuttering as he did so and the rope was cut in half, causing his father to drop to the ground, the sound of bones cracking echoed through out the room as the body hit the floor with a loud thud. From there, Draco did not know what to do. He was clearly stone cold dead, so rushing him to the hospital was meaningless. Calling for his mother was out of the question, but he couldn't just leave Lucius like this on the floor. His mind was racing, going through every possible solution yet found none that he could carry out. After a long time of deliberating what he should do next his lungs cramped and his heart dropped to his feet as he was faced with the fact that the only solution was to tell his mother. He wasn't sure how to approach this.

The one thing he did know was that he didn't want her to have to see this. He felt his voice stuck in his throat, unable to call for her and his legs were frozen, leaving him incapable of moving. He managed to snap out of when he could hear his mother's voice in the distant, talking to one of the house-elves. He realised he had to act fast. Without thinking twice he dashed over to the nearest window and pulled down the drapes. They floated down to the floor and he hurriedly dragged them across the floor towards his father. They were heavier than he had expected but he still managed, throwing the drape over his Lucius corpse. The fabric laid heavily on him and you could clearly see the outline of a carcass beneath it. Draco was breathing heavily, his mouth felt dry and he felt like his heart was seconds away from jumping out his chest. He heard steps approaching, the clicking sounds of heels hitting against the tile floor.

"Draco, dear," he heard his mother call in a serenade voice. Blissfully unaware of what was awaiting her as she stepped into the drawing room. Draco couldn't bring himself to turn around and face her. His eyes were glued to the floor. He felt his body start to shake as she got closer.

"What are you doing in here?" She asked in a soft voice. Suddenly she stopped behind him, looking curiously over his shoulder. He swallowed. He could hear his mother's sharp in take of breath. He felt his heart sink to his feet. She stood frozen and he could almost hear her body freeze.

"What is that?" She asked in a distressed voice. Draco couldn't bring himself to answer, unable to find his voice, even more unable to trust it to not crack. She kept repeating his name, asking the same question over and over again. He did not say a word. When she started to move towards the being that was his deceased father Draco wanted to grab her, to stop her from from seeing his body. But he couldn't, all he could do was stare as she kneeled down on the floor, hand shaking as she reached out to pull the drapes away. What happened next would haunt Draco for the rest of his life. Her hand flew to her face, covering her mouth before grabbing a hold of her husband. She cupped his cheeks with both her hands before she started checking for any sign to see if he was still alive. Draco already knew it was futile but she kept going, searching for pulse before leaning down to press her ear against his chest. When the realisation hit her she screamed. It was the most heartbreaking sound Draco had ever heard. It was nowhere near as painful as the screeches she had let out when he was forced to torture her. It was a sound Draco would never forget and it would haunt him for the rest of his life.

 

***

I

_Madam Malkin’s Robes for all Occasions. There had been a boy there. A scrawny boy with the baggy clothes, crooked glasses, unkempt hair and bright green eyes. Never in his eleven-year-old-life would Draco Malfoy have guessed it was Harry Potter. Harry Potter, the boy who had taken down the Dark Lord at the mere age of one years old. Harry Potter, who-if he were to choose the right side, could become a great asset to their battle of cleansing the Wizard World from the vermin, the mudbloods and blood traitors. Draco Malfoy believed that he must have done a good impression on the boy at least. He had after all proudly announced his name and what they stood for, hopefully that had been enough._

 

 _But in case it hadn’t, he decided to re-introduce himself at the_ _Hogwarts Express, offering his hand in friendship to him. Only to be turned downed. In front of a Weasley._

 

_That was the beginning of an animosity that would last for years to come._

 

_***_

Lucius Malfoy had never exactly been the father of the year when Draco was growing up. When he was seven, Lucius had thrown him in the pool, clothes on and all, when teaching him how to swim. Draco had flail around in the water, gasping for air as he desperately tried to keep his head above water. After what felt like an eternity Lucius grabbed him by the robe and heaved him him out of the water, throwing him on the ground as Draco had coughed and spit water.

After his first year he had slapped Draco around for only being the second best in his class while a mudblood was getting better grades than him.

In second year he smacked Draco across the face for losing against Potter in Quidditch because he was busy trying to insult him.

In third year, despite the fact that Lucius had gone through with Draco’s wishes, he still expressed his disgust for embarrassing himself in front for the school by being attacked by a Hippogriff while Potter had flown one.

The summer after fourth year he had mocked Draco for grieving Diggory’s death. He wasn’t allowed to do that, it was disrespectful to the Dark Lord.

The summer after fifth year Lucius hadn’t have much strength to say or do anything to Draco. Every time he visited his father in Azkaban he seemed more worn down and dejected.

The summer after sixth year the Dark Lord made their home into the Death Eater’s headquarters. His father was constantly afraid. Always pale, sweating and stuttering as he spoke. It was at their home his father had begged the Dark Lord to spare his son of any punishment when it was revealed that Draco had been unable to kill Dumbeldore and Snape had done it for him. It was in vain and he himself fell victim to the Cruciatus curse for daring to question his leader and for acting like a pathetic fool.

During the war Lucius had done everything he could to protect his family. When Draco was ordered to torture and kill, Lucius had tried to convince the Dark Lord to let him do it himself. He soon learned that trying to protect his son against their leader was nothing but futile and soon he begrudgingly accepted the fact that no matter how hard he tried, he wouldn’t be able to protect them, not against this. Not against him.

The day Potter had been captured by the snatchers and brought to the manner Draco had felt his stomach drop to his feet. When he was asked to identify him, Draco hesitated, knowing full well this would be the end if he did it. So he didn’t. For once in his life he wanted to make the right choice. Even if it meant dealing with serve consequences. When they had managed to escape, Draco tried to hide his relief and his disappointment. Relief over the fact that they still had the chance to take down the Dark Lord and disappointment because he wanted to go with them. He wanted to get out of this hellhole.

His mind went blank though when his aunt hit him with the Cruciatus curse. He fell to the floor screaming and twitching. Bellatrix didn’t stop. She shouted the curse over and over again until his mother had shouted “That’s enough!” Only then did she finally stop. When they came face to face with the Dark Lord he was furious at Draco, locking him in the dungeons without food for three days. His mother managed to sneak down to feed him at night. He begged her to stop, he didn’t want her to get in trouble. But she didn’t care nor did she stop. Even if it only was one small meal a day it was enough to keep Draco going. His mother’s visits always managed to calm him down, as she caressed his cheek and played with his hair, promising that everything would be okay. He found himself wondering if his visits to the dungeons had helped their prisoners as much as his mother's were helping him.

Just like her, he had been sneaking food down to them at night. Luna had accepted his gestured with great pleasure, smiling at him with exhausted eyes while Dean had been hesitant, suspecting Draco was out to poison them. When Potter asked Draco for the second time why he hadn’t identified him Draco didn’t know what to say. So, he lied and told Potter that he had been telling the truth and that he really had not been sure. Of course Potter didn’t believe that for the fraction of of a second, he could see it on his face. Instead of arguing though, he left it, giving Draco nothing more than a mere nod before leaving.

After the war his parents were put on house arrest for an undecided time and Draco got off scot-free. When they came back to the manor his father was nothing more than a shell of his former self. He never did anything and mostly spent his time in his study, staring at the wall, still pale and still scared, even paranoid. After that he became spiteful and took everything out on Draco, shouting at him and smacking him around whenever he got the chance. The times he went after his mother Draco stepped right in between them, having no problem with taking his mother’s place.

Besides the hellhole Draco was forced to call home, adjusting to life after the war had been far from easy. Nightmares plagued him in his sleep and during the day the paranoia and fear were still there. The manor was overflowing with memories of the war and Draco often found himself spacing out whenever something triggered flashback. On top of that he was now unable to sit in front of the fireplace and enjoy the warmth from it. The heat, the sight and the smell took him back to the Room of Requirement and he was immediately paralysed with pure dread. He could still feel the fire burn his skin, the smell of the smoke that filled his nose before travelling down to his lungs and the sound of Crabbe screaming as he fell to his death. Sometimes the mere flicker of a candle was enough for him to take him back to that horrid day.

Outside the manor life wasn’t easy either, if anything it was harder. When he wasn’t getting jinxed on the streets he was getting thrown out from shops and refused service at restaurants. He knew their hatred wasn’t unwarranted, but it still stung. He knew he was far from deserving of anyone’s forgiveness and after a while he stopped going out. He cooped himself up in the manor and only went out if necessary. He made sure to avoid his father at all cost, while still trying to be there for his mother. She never said anything but he could see how broken she was. Seeing her husbands downfall had been hard on her. She would often tell Draco about how his father had been when they were young. Handsome, kind and apparently romantic, which Draco had a hard time imagining. She told him how loving he had been when Draco had been born. How excited he had been to be a father. Talking about these things always seemed to cheer his mother up, so he smiled and listened, focusing more on her smile and the glimmer in her eyes and less on what she was saying.

A few years before his fathers death Draco started rebelling in the only way he knew how. He started taking interest in muggle culture. He would loudly talk about how fascinating it was at the dinner table, watching as his fathers face got so red and he looked close to an aneurysm. He started bringing muggle things home just to spite his father. He brought home a CD player once and blasted muggle music throughout the manor. He started reading books about muggle history and always shared his new knowledge with his parents. He went to muggle bars and hooked up with muggles. It was easier like that, no one knew who he was there and no one would bother him.

The day he realised he was the Wizard equivalent of a Nazi Draco’s stomach had rolled in discomfort. He had been reading about the holocaust and the similarities between their ideology and the ideology that his family had been clinging to left a bitter taste in his mouth. He didn’t like it, not one bit. He never realised just how fucked up their views had been until then. At that moment Draco promised himself to leave all that blood purity crap behind him and instead work against it. This time he wasn’t doing it to rile up his father, but because he knew it was the right thing to do.

He didn’t want to continue leading a life filled with hatred and animosity towards everything he didn’t understand. There was no point to it and it was a waste of energy. It didn’t take long for him to develop zero tolerance for pureblood bigotry. His friends seemed to have a hard comprehending this and it wasn’t until three bloody noses and several bruises later they realised he was absolutely serious about it. Soon he started attending fundraise and Ministry functions to help strengthen the voices of the muggle-borns and half-bloods, which his father was far from happy about. Draco, however, didn’t give two fucks about that.

When his father committed suicide Draco was angry. Angry at him for leaving them and breaking his mothers heart. Angry for everything he had put his family through, only to leave them hanging. He hated his father for that and for everything else. At least that’s what he told himself and everyone he met. He said it every chance he got because to this day he was waiting for it to stop feeling like a lie. Because that’s what it was-a lie. No matter how much time passed or how many times he told himself it was the truth he could never bring himself to actually hate his father.

After all he was a man Draco had spent all his life looking up to. He admired and respected his father, that was not something you could just turn off. The abuse, the anger and the humiliation he had been forced to go through because of his father meant nothing to him. He told himself it was all necessary, that his father just wanted him to become stronger, to develop thick skin. And it worked, didn’t it? He was no longer letting people get to him, he put a facade and went through the motions of life.

Besides the Greengrass sisters Draco made no attempts to form new relationships. It wasn’t worth the effort and he never wanted to suffer the pain of losing someone again and he argued with himself that the only reason he was so close to Daphne was because she was a distraction. Helping her and ignoring his own problems was easy, preferable. When he got sick he did everything he could to distance himself from the sisters. He didn’t want their help, nor did he want them to care about him. He wanted to be left alone and allowed to die in peace. They did not respect his wishes. Instead they kicked his bedroom door in and grabbed him by the limbs, dragging him to the hospital as he was kicking and screaming.

Draco wasn’t sure how or when things got so bad. He hardly remembered how he got like this in the first place. He remembered feeling out of control, that nothing mattered and soon everyone he loved would died and there was nothing he could about it. His father was dead, his mother got sick, Daphne was hospitalised. On top of that all of his friends seemed to have taken a step back from him, Goyle especially. He knew he blamed him for Crabbe’s death, and Draco could hardly fault him for that. He felt responsible, for Crabbe’s death and for his father’s. Even if it was a lie he blamed himself for not saving them. If he had been a better son and a better friend maybe they wouldn’t have died. It was irrational and illogical, he was well aware of that, but it didn’t stop the thoughts from occupying his head every second of every day.

The only people that still talked to him were Pansy and Blaise, sometime Theo but that was only because he was marrying Astoria. Other than that he didn’t really have any friends and he never actually saw Pansy or Blaise, they wrote to him but they never visited.

Then he met Weaslette. When he saw her in the hospital he froze and his mind started to race, thinking intensely about what he should do next. In the end he approached her, thinking it was either glaring at each other from a distance or try to be decent around each other. He had no energy to fight anyone any more and the war was over and he no longer had any place in his heart to hate or hold grudges.

So he started talking to her. He never intended for them to become friends, yet somehow that’s what they ended up becoming. They soon realised that they both had a lot in common, not just their sickness, after all, one can not go through a war with someone else and not end up sharing their trauma. In the beginning they avoided the subject, mostly keeping their relationship vain. After sharing a joint and having a rather personal conversation Draco knew he was screwed. His plan on keeping to himself and not get close to anyone seemed to shatter at that very moment.

Ginerva was tearing down the walls he had spent so much time building around him and she didn’t even know it, which he thought was very rude of her. Worst of all was that Draco had let her. He opened up, he told her things he had never dared to tell anyone before and he allowed her to get close. Draco would never forgive himself for that. It was never meant to happen, he didn’t want one more person in his life to disappoint. When they took Daphne away Ginerva was the one who kept him above the surface, even if she herself didn’t know that. He allowed himself to be weak in front of her, to be vulnerable. He hated himself for that. It was a side of himself he had worked so hard on concealing and yet here he was, pouring his heart out to a Weasley. Of course it would be a Weasley, who else? And of course one couldn’t let a Weasley in to their life without inviting their adopted son as well. Stupid fucking Potter. Potter who played Quidditch with him. Potter who invited him out for drinks. Potter who asked him to come to the stupid family dinners at the Burrow.

Stupid fucking Potter who had the audacity to enter Draco’s life without his permission. The fact that he had let him was beyond Draco and he hated himself for allowing it. He should’ve said no to all of those things, he should’ve distances himself from everyone. Instead here he was, caring about the whole fucking ginger family and the stupid scar head.

He told himself that the only reason he started helping Ginerva was for his own sake, after all he was a selfish prick. Focusing on other peoples problems had always been easier than focusing on his own. It was the same with Daphne. As long as he took care of her he could distract himself from the fact that he too needed to be taken care of. He never had the intention of getting better, nor did he want help from Ginerva. But she had helped him. She had been there for him. It was ridiculous, really. Why she wanted to help him, of all people was still a mystery to him. He didn’t deserve it. He didn’t want it. He couldn’t understand why they even bothered with keeping him alive. Wouldn’t things be better if he just died? That way he wouldn’t have anything to destroy, anyone to drag down with him. Everything would just be better if he disappeared.

And who knew that he wish would be granted so quickly. Of course, it was quick for every other party involved, but for Draco it was the slowest death he could’ve ever imagined. It had been eating away at him for years, slowly breaking him down, then building him up, only to break him down again. The scariest thing about dying wasn’t the actually dying itself, but rather the road to accepting death as something unknown and inevitable. He knew once he accepted that, he would be so much more content. Getting to that place though, was far more difficult than he had ever imagined and far more painful than he ever could have anticipated. He could feel the walls closing in, the life getting sucked out of him. He felt himself spiralling and this time he had no way of stopping it, nor did he have the strength to try. He could feel his body shutting down on him and a small part of him was scared, while the larger part just didn’t care any more.

He knew that if his father could see him now he would tell him how pathetic he thought Draco was being. Maybe if he had been alive he could've punched some sense into his son. But he wasn’t and no one else seemed to be up for the job, so Draco was left to spiral downwards. Maybe it was for the best, really. By now Draco was exhausted from all the fighting and all he wanted was for everything to stop, once and for all.

 

_***_

_II_

 

_A quick motion. The tear of a page and the discarding of the abused book. Too quick. The paper folds and falls down the pocket of his robe. He stepped down._

 

“ _Famous Harry Potter,” said Malfoy. “Can’t even go to a bookshop without making the front page.”_

 

_*_

 

“ _You’ve been on about this for hours,” said Pansy Parkinson, twelve years old and already tired of Draco’s bullshit. She adored him, really. His obsession with Potter? Not so much. “Would you please let it go?”_

 

“ _You don’t understand!” Draco argued heatedly. “He turned down the greatest offer he will ever be given and then has the nerve to act like I’ve wronged him!” He kept grumbling under his breath and Crabbe and Goyle exchanged looks as Pansy rubbed her forehead._

 

“ _It’s like I’m his arch-nemesis!” Draco hissed and Blaise Zabini threw him a sceptical look._

 

“ _That boy has the Dark Lord on his tail and you think you’re his arch-nemesis?” _

_*_

 

_The paper unfolded. The darkness made it hard to see, still the quill scratched loudly against the parchment in determination and swiftness._

 

“ _Pipes,” it read._

 

_And then it was dropped on floor of the library, only to be found by Hermione Granger._

_***_

 

The day he received the news of Daphne's passing it had been a completely normal day. He had been out for a run that day and when he came back he was greeted by the sight of his mother and Astoria. At first his was pleasantly surprised by her visit. He had greeted her the way he always did. Approaching her, putting a hand around her waist and leaned in to kiss her cheek.

"What are you doing here?" he asked. Only then did he realise something was wrong as Astoria hardly even acknowledge his presence, her eyes had a far away look as she was starring at something in the distant, actively seeming to avoid eye contact. He frowned.

"Astoria?" No reply. Finally his mother had spoken, voice calm and grave.

"Sit down, Draco," she had said quietly, causing him to frown at her, unwilling to complie. His eyes drifting between his mother and his once-supposed-to-be-wife. He could feel the tension in the air, thick enough to slice through with a knife. The women exchanged looks before Astoria inhaled deeply.

"It's Daphne," she finally spoke, voice monotone and empty. Draco felt his heart speed up. Whatever this was he could tell that the news he was about to receive were far from pleasant.

"You really should sit down," his mother said in a stiff and low voice. He swallowed as he felt his mouth go dry as he followed her instructions.

"What happened?" He asked the second he sat down. Once again Astoria and his mother exchanged look before Astoria inhaled a deep and shaky breath.

"She's dead."

For a moment everything around him seem to stop and fade. His ears started whistle and he stared blankly at her. The he smiled.

"No she's not," he replied with a grin. "She's not dead, you're lying." Astoria looked at him, completely heart-broken.

“Draco-” she began in a fragile voice.

“This is not something you fucking joke about,” he said in an angry voice. “Do you thing it’s funny? Is that it?”

“Stop it, Draco.” his mother said in low and stern voice. Draco looked over at her before letting his eyes slide back to Astoria.

“She’s not dead,” he said in a resolute voice, completely in denial. “She wouldn’t do that to us.”

“Draco, please,” his mother said in an exhausted voice. “Don’t make this more difficult.” Draco stared at her, a look of furry on his face.

“Stop this,” he snapped angrily. “Stop talking! None of this is true, so stop it.” Astoria looked at him in helplessness.

“Draco, please,” she choked out, tears falling from her eyes. Draco only shook his head.

“I’m going to see her. This is fucking ridiculous,” he growled and stood up before he started walking away. Astoria grabbed his hand, stopping him from leaving. He turned around to glare at her. “Let me go,” he said in dark voice. Astoria shook her head.

“I know it hurts,” she whispered. “But this is the reality of the situation. She killed herself.”

Draco felt his heart drop to his feet, his stomach was in knots and his chest was constricting. He felt a lump form in his throat and his eyes burning.

“Why?” Was all he could get out and Astoria bit her bottom lip.

“I don’t know,” she whispered. “I thought she was getting better. Last time I saw her she was getting discharged. She had plans, for the future. She seemed so...Happy.”

“That’s very common,” his mother said in a soft voice. “Once they’ve accepted death-”

“She would never accept it,” Draco snapped and his mother pressed her lips into a thin line.

Suddenly Draco felt like he was drowning, his chest tightened even furthered and he clutched his shirt, pressing his fist against his against his heart, feeling it thump violently beneath his touch. He felt light headed. He gasped, feeling as if water was clogging his throat, filling up his lungs.

Before he could registered what happened he double over and threw up. Astoria made no attempt at avoiding his sick. Instead she leaned in, doing the best she could to hold him up as his legs started to buckle. She fell to floor, still holding on tightly to Draco as he dragged her down with him. He felt another waved of nausea rip through his whole body and he started to dry heave, saliva dripping from his mouth as tears started to roll down his cheeks. He took a deep breath as he tried to calm himself.

His body was still shaking but once he felt sure that he wouldn’t get sick again if he moved, he stood up. His legs trembled under him, breath coming out shaky and voice unstable as he choked out words in an attempt to form a sentence.

“I can’t be here,” he mumbled as he pulled away from Astoria. He could hear her sounds of protest but ignored them and slowly he started to stumble away. His mind felt foggy and all he could think about was that he had to get out of there. He could hear them behind him, calling his name, begging for him to come back as he got further and further away from them. He didn’t know where he was going, what he did know was that he couldn’t stay here for another second. As the door slammed shut behind him he started running, where to was yet to be decided, he just needed to move, quickly. So his feet took off, moving so fast he almost thought he lifted right off the ground on several occasions.

Once he stopped he found himself in an unfamiliar area, an open field with not a person in sight. He slumped down on the ground, torn between screaming his lungs out and taking a nap right there, in the damp grass. He was exhausted, yet his body felt restless. It was itching and twitching in a way that made it impossible for Draco to ignore, but he didn’t know what he was suppose to do about it. In the end he remained on the ground, unmoving and unblinking as the dampness from the ground travelled through the layers of clothing. His mind was racing and blank at the same time as he stared with an empty gaze up at the sky.

Heavy clouds were rolling in, the breeze was getting colder and not until the rain was pouring down on him did he remember the dinner. The dinner at the Burrow. He knew he was late by know, but the thought of going back to the manor made his stomach roll. While his body still felt heavy and numb he forced himself to his feet. He was shuddering now from the cold as he heavy breeze did nothing to help him keep his body temperature up. He clenched and unclenched his fists, desperately trying to regain feeling in his fingers. He took a deep breath and with one location in mind he Apparated.

Once at the Burrow Draco didn’t leave for the next week. Someone-and he honestly didn’t know who-was kind enough to go to the manor and get some clothes for him. During that week he went home once and had immediately ran into Astoria.

“I’m not writing her fucking obituary,” he had grumbled between gritted teeth as he bit of his fingernails to shreds. He avoided looking at Astoria, he could already tell she was looking exasperated.

“She wanted you to,” she began in a weak tone and Draco glared at her.

“And I wanted her to not kill herself. I guess we can’t all have what we wish for,” he spat and Astoria clenched her teeth and closed her eyes as she swallowed. She didn’t bring it up again.

A few days later he found himself in Ginny’s old room, dressed in a black robes that once had fitted him like the glove. Now, however, they sat loosely on his body, hanging off of him like rags.

"You don't have to do this, you know?" Draco said in a low voice. Ginerva looked up at him for where she was standing, right in front of him, close, as she helped him straighten his tie. All day he had been unable to move, to gather up the strength to get out of bed and to get dressed. But instead he had just sat in the same spot for hours, head bowed down, face buried in his hand. He felt so empty and so lost. Mind completely blank and his brain still unable to comprehend what had happen.

"I know," she said in a brave voice. "I want to go with, I won't let you do this alone." Draco turned his head to look away, he was tired. If that was even the enough to cover what he was feeling. He felt beyond sad, beyond angry and way beyond exhausted.

He knew Ginerva was worried about him and that was probably part of the reason she didn’t want to let him out of her sight. He was relapsing and everyone knew it. In just a week he lost almost all the weight he had managed to put on and by now he was starting to look just as awful as the day he had met her in the hospital. No one said anything about it, though. Instead they exchanged worried glances when they thought he wasn’t looking. For every meal he turned down and for every excuse he came up with they seemed to grow more and more anxious. Draco could hardly blame them. He was swerving into dangerous territory and this time there seemed to be no stopping him from reaching rock bottom. He was just waiting for her to arrange some sort of intervention. He knew it was only a matter of time before he would be finding himself back in the hospital.

“We should probably get going,” Ginerva mumbled as she took a step back from him. Draco nodded and they made their way down stairs. Once they reached the bottom of the stairs he was greeted by the sight Potter. Ever since Daphne’s passing the trio had come by every day. They acted like it was for no reason but Draco knew they were checking in on him. If it wasn’t for the obvious tension and worry flowing around in the air Draco wouldn’t have minded. However they were far from discreet with their intentions and that left Draco feeling suffocated as they tried to babysit him. Sometimes he didn’t mind their company, but most of the time he just wanted to be left alone. Despite all that though, he stayed at the Burrow.

“Are you leaving?” Potter asked and Ginerva nodded in response. Potter looked over at Draco, who seemed to be actively avoiding looking at him. He frowned but said nothing to him, instead his gaze slid back to Ginerva. Draco noted that ever since Daphne had died Potter had been acting strange towards him and he couldn’t figure out why. The most worrying thing was that he seemed to be drinking again. He knew Ginerva had confronted him about, but he had just denied it and that made Draco suspect that he was not about to admit he had a problem anytime soon.

They Apparated to the Chapel and went inside with heavy steps.

Draco didn’t know whether to appreciate or hate the fact that so many people showed up to Daphne’s funeral. On one hand it was heart-warming to see how many people cared about her, on the other hand it upset him, because he and Astoria had been the only one’s who had actually been there for her when her illness took a turn for the worst. All too many people seemed to be unable to handle the situation and instead they got uncomfortable, causing them to back away from her. Now that she was dead they all of a sudden seemed to care about her. Where was that care when she was alive, Draco wondered.

His eyes soon fell on Blasie and Pansy who were slowly making their way over to him. They had never been close to the Greengrass sister’s and Draco knew their biggest reason for being here was him. He was thankful for that. They both turned to Ginerva to give her an acknowledging nod before Pansy turned to Astoria and gave her hug while Blaise put his hand on Draco’s shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze

“We’re so sorry for your loss,” Pansy told Astoria in a soft voice once she pulled away, her hands falling down to grab Astoria’s. She gave them a reassuring squeeze and a tired smile.

“Thank you,” she replied and Pansy nodded at her before letting go to turn her attention to Draco. The minute she laid eyes on him her expression turned mournful, but she said nothing. Instead she approached him and gave him a hug as well and once she pulled away she cupped his face with both hands.

“How are you, love?” She whispered in a soft voice and Draco’s gaze feel to the floor.

“As well as can be expected,” he mumbled as he lifted his head up and Pansy gave him a sympathetic look before leaning in to kiss him on the cheek. He heard steps approaching and glanced over Pansy’s shoulder to see Theodore Nott making his way over to them.

Nott took Draco’s hand and shook, giving him a respectful nod which Draco reciprocated. He and Nott had never had any type of relationship in school and even less so when he got engaged to Astoria. Draco didn’t really have anything against him, but Daphne had been loudly against him marrying her sister. He remembered one time Nott had come over for dinner and Daphne had been extremely bitter about it. Draco spent that entire evening trying to cheer her up, sneaking up behind her and whispered “ribbity-rabbity,” in her ear, causing her choking her giggles. Everyone in school used to tease Nott for looking like a rabbit and Draco was not above that. During dinner he kept pushing the bowl of salad towards him, urging him to eat more while Daphne sat beside him, pressing her lips into a thin line as she tried to keep herself from laughing. Afterwards they had sat on the on the balcony of the Greengrass manor, sharing a joint while Daphne loudly complained about Nott.

“He’s so boring,” she had moaned and Draco had snorted. “Why couldn’t it be Blaise instead? His hot and his funny!”

“Maybe cause he’s dating Pansy,” Draco had pointed out and Daphne had huffed out him.

“That’s another mystery,” she mumbled. “She’s such a bitch.”

At that Draco had frowned. “Watch it,” he had said in a warning tone. “That’s my friend your talking about.”

Daphne had pouted at him before mumbling “Okay. I’m sorry.”

Remembering it caused Draco to smile a bit. He was still extremely was that she wouldn’t witness and participate in her sister’s wedding. He knew that despite the fact that she didn’t like Nott, she was had still been excited to be the maid-of-honour. He snapped out of it when his mother approached him, stroking his hair lovingly. She looked exhausted, Draco noted, with dark rings under her eyes and an empty expression on her. He felt a pang of guilt like someone had just punched him in the stomach. He knew that part of it was because of him. At night he heard her crying as she whispered that she just wanted her son to get better, to be alive and happy. She wasn’t asking for much, yet it was too much for Draco to fulfil her wishes.

“We should probably take a seat,” his mother said in a soft voice. Draco nodded and they walked over to the benches and sat down.

A priest walked over to the front and started talking. Draco wasn’t listening, instead his eyes were focused on the chest. Part of him still had a hard time comprehending what had happened and he almost felt compelled to walk over to it and open it, just so he could see her with his own eyes.

When the priest stopped talking Astoria stood up and made her way over to where he had previously been standing and once she turned to face them she started reading her obituary.

“My sister was a wonderful person, who cared about everyone in her life. Despite the fact that she herself was battling with her mental illness she never hesitated being there for everyone else-”

Draco couldn’t listen to this anymore. With one last glance at Astoria he got up and walked to the exit while everyone seemed to stare at him. He could hear steps behind him as someone seemed to follow him, Draco guessed it was probably Ginerva. He walked out into the hallway and got his jacket before exiting the building. The minute he got outside Ginerva was beside him, but he didn’t acknowledge her presence. Instead he pulled up a cigarette, hands shaking from the cold as he tried to light it. Ginerva followed suit and they stood in silence for a long time, taking long drags from their cigarettes. It took a long while before anyone of them spoke.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go inside?” Ginerva asked in soft, yet concerned voice. Draco pursed his lips and frowned.

“I can’t be in there, listening to all that bullshit about how she was a happy and selfless person. What she did...” He shook his head, unable to finish the sentence. Ginny stared at him before speaking again.

“I get that,” she mumbled. “Still, we should celebrate her life.” To that Draco could only shake his head.

“There’s nothing to celebrate,” he said quietly. “Her life was hell up until she died, that’s nothing to be happy about.”

Ginny frowned at that. “She had a family and friends who loved her,” she said in a soft voice. “She had you.”

“Fat lot of good that did,” Draco said in a bitter voice. “I abandoned her when she needed me the most. I should have visited her more often after I got discharged, but I didn’t.” He shook his head. “This is all my fault.”

“Don’t say that,” Ginerva said in a stern voice. “There was nothing you could do.”

“I could have been a better friend,” he whispered. “I could’ve have been there for her, but I wasn’t.”

Ginny shook her head. “I think BPD are just as hard as any other sickness. You can’t get better for the sake of anyone else and most of the time you can’t stop someone who’s made up their mind.”

“I still could’ve been a better friend. Instead I selfishly left her to deal with her own problems.”

“You had to focus on your own recovery,” Ginerva said and put a hand on his shoulder. “That’s not selfish at all, sometimes you need to put yourself first.”

“I spent my whole life putting myself first,” he mumbled. “I don’t want to be that person any more. I want to do some good in the world, I want to be of use for once in my life.”

“You are,” Ginerva insisted. “You helped me. You were there for Daphne, in the best way you could be.”

“That was just to appease myself,” he sneered. “I just wanted to distract myself.”

Ginerva frowned at that. “I don’t believe that,” she said. “I think you’re just telling yourself that because you can’t really accept that you are a good person, can you?”

“Because I’m not,” he snapped. “Everything I have ever done in my life has been for me. But you know what they say.-the road to redemption is paved with selfish intentions.” He could see that Ginerva wasn’t about to correct him. She eyed him quietly as she took another drag from her cigarette.

“Fine,” she said after a while. “If you don’t want to be selfish get some help then.” Draco froze. “You’re killing yourself, how is that any different from what Daphne did?” Her stare was harsh and Draco had looked away, unable to answer her.

“Exactly,” she said. “Have you ever thought about how much pain you’re causing everyone who cares about you with your self-destructive behaviour?”

“Maybe I just don’t give a fuck anymore,” he mumbled. “I have nothing left to live-”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence,” Ginerva snapped. “I care. You mother and Greengrass cares. All of your friends. Harry.”

“Maybe they’re the selfish one’s, for wanting to keep me alive despite the fact I that I want to die.”

Ginny shook her head. “You don’t mean that,” she said in a broken voice. “You have so much to live for and so much to experience. You deserve to live and be happy.”

“Do I?” he asked in a harsh tone. “After everything I’ve done, I sincerely doubt that.”

Ginny shook her head aggressively. “You need to leave that behind you,” she said, looking almost desperate. “Everything that happened during the war...You have to leave it behind you. We did.”

“I’d say Bill and Charlie would disagree.”

Ginny let out a heavy sigh. “I know it seems impossible right now, but they will come around. Sooner or later.”

“I wouldn’t blame them if they didn’t,” he mumbled and threw the cigarette away and Ginny did the same. Suddenly the door behind them opened. It was Pansy.

“You should get back inside,” she said softly. “They’re putting roses on her casket.”

Before walking in Draco gave Ginny a look and smiled weakly at her. “So,” he began. “You and Luna, huh?” Ginny actually beamed at that.

“She’s been so good to me,” she admitted. “She grounds me, in some way’s, you know?” Draco did know. At some point he had started to feel the same about the Potter.

“And Merlin,” she sighed with a smile. “Have you ever had sex with a pussy?” She asked and Draco snorted. “It is heaven!”

“I would never,” he said and gave a Ginny a meaningful smile which she returned before a serious expression took over her freckled face.

“Should we go inside?”

Draco looked hesitant for a moment before nodding. They made their way back inside to be met by everyone standing around the closed casket, the top covered in roses. Draco walked over and took a rose before putting in amongst all the others. They had a minute of silence after that, everyone stood with theirs eyes closed and head bowed down. Draco didn’t do that though, instead his eyes were fixed on the candles and the dancing flame. Suddenly his breath hitched and he was flooded with the memories of the incident in the Room of Requirement. He didn’t snap out of it until he felt a hand on his shoulder, grounding him. He looked to the side to see Ginerva standing there with a concerned expression on her face. He gave her a look as if to say that he was fine. For the rest of the ceremony he avoided looking at the candles.

 

***

 

_III_

 

 

_Of course Draco was going to mock him at the news. The famous and powerful Potter, fainting because of a Dementor. It was clearly a very laughable situation to witness and it fed Draco’s ego. He would never. Which meant he was stronger than Potter. The situation was made even more laughable when the Werewolves ridiculous class was cut short. That night though, he looked around the castle for another Boggart, he wanted to know he was strong enough to face it, unlike Potter. He opened the chest with a mumbled and a tap of the wand. It opened, slowly._

 

_Draco could only be thankful that he had not gone up to the Boggart in front of the class, as now before him stood his father._

 

_*_

 

_Draco Malfoy really hadn’t done anything wrong. Except for call the flying chicken ugly. He had approached it slowly. He had bowed. Then he had been viscously attacked and unfairly so. Of course he was going to play the victim part. His father had of course been disgusted by this. Deciding to cover it up by taking advantage of the situation and get the giant berk, who somehow had managed to land a teaching position despite having been expelled and having no prior knowledge of how to even teach a class, off school ground. It was all thanks to the senile old clown that was now the headmaster. Lucius told Draco that he was going after him next. This was just the beginning._

 

***

 

Once the ceremony was over they all Apparated to the Greengrass manor. Draco stayed behind for a while, taking another cigarette while Ginny stood behind him, waiting patiently. Suddenly Pansy was beside him and she looked at Ginny.

“Would you mind giving us some privacy?” She asked in a polite tone and Ginny looked surprised before nodding.

“I’ll just take a walk,” she said and with that she disappeared. Once she was out of sight Pansy turned to him and Blaise soon appeared behind her.

“Sweetie,” she said in a soft voice. “You need to get help, this can’t continue.”

Draco glared at her before looking away. “Of course I can, fucking watch me.”

Pansy just stared at him before shaking her head. “Draco, if you don’t get better...”

He frowned at her. “You’ll do what exactly?” He sneered and Pansy’s eyes turned cold.

“I can’t do this anymore,” she said, looking heart-broken. “I can’t continue watching someone I love kill themselves slowly. If that’s what you want, fine. But I’m done Draco. I mean it.”

He stared at her with a blank expression before sneering. “Fine. We’re done then.”

“Dude,” Blaise said in a harsh voice. “Don’t do this to us. Just get better!” Draco snorted.

“If it only were that easy,” he said and let out a bitter laugh.

“At least try getting some help,” Pansy pleaded desperately. Draco gave her a blank stare before shaking his head.

“There’s no point. I’m done fighting this, it’s easier to just let it consume me.”

Pansy looked on the verge of tears and Blaise looked at him in fury.

“I’ll see you at Greengrass’s,” he mumbled and was just about to Apparate when Pansy called after him.

“Draco Malfoy! If you walk away from us we’re done and we will never forgive for this!” she screamed in a broken voice, but Draco just ignored her and then, just like that, he was gone.

 

 

_IV_

 

“ _This is it,” his father had whispered, hot breath hitting his skin, causing him to shiver. “This is the day our leader comes back to life.”_

 

_*_

 

“ _Come on,” Draco scolded. “Just heave me up, you berks!” Crabbe and Goyle groaned as they tried to get Draco up the tree._

 

“ _Why is this even necessary?” Goyle grumbled and Draco let out a frustrated sigh._

 

“ _I told you,” he snapped. “It’s like a way of establishing dominances! By literally looking down on him I will appear more intimidating!” He missed the exchange of looks behind and when they finally got him in that tree, that’s when Potter rounded the corner._

 

“ _Why so tense, Potter?” Draco didn’t miss a beat before sneering at the already agitated teen. “My father and I have a bet, you see,” he continued in a mocking voice. Potter didn’t say anything. He just glared daggers at Malfoy, who grinned at him smugly, seeming not bothered by Potter’s dark demeanour_

 

“ _See, I don’t think you’re going to last ten minutes in the tournament.” With that said he leaped down from the tree, unaware of the chocked groans from his friends, who had just spent the last five minutes trying to get him up in that bloody tree in the first place. “He disagrees,” he’s leering. “He thinks you wont last five!”_

 

_*_

 

“ _Tell me that’s not relief on your face!” Pansy hissed in his ears when Potter came launching out from the water, coughing and gasping for breath._

 

“ _Of course not!” Draco hissed back in fury. “I would have loved nothing more than to see Potter drown.”_

 

_*_

 

_In the end it was not Potter who died. It was Diggory who died and never in his life had Draco thought he would grieve the death of Hufflepuff._

 

_***_

After the funeral Draco went back to the manor. He didn’t want to, but he also didn’t want to over stay his welcome. Ginny had come to visit a few times, even though he was too exhausted and didn’t want to hang out with any one he still appreciated her coming to see him. She always brought food with her which Draco never ate and part of him suspected she was well aware of that, but she never said anything. Instead she gave him various glances that shone with concern.

After the passing of Daphne Draco’s anxieties got worse and he often woke up from nightmares. They were always about Crabbe, his father and Daphne and they all stood around them and blamed him for their deaths. He often woke up in the middle of a panic-attack, sweating and tears in his eyes. Sometimes he felt like death wasn’t coming for him fast enough and he often considered following his father’s footsteps. However he never had the courage to do so. The mere thought of his mother finding him dead made his heart ache.

The most embarrassing thing had been when Potter came to visit him, when he was in the middle of panic-attack. He hadn’t said anything, instead he sat down on the floor with him and asked him if it was okay to hug him. Draco had given a shaky nod and Potter pulled him in to a tight embrace, stroking his hear as Draco let out unsteady breaths. He felt himself calm down as he pressed himself against Potter’s body. They said nothing to each other and when the panic-attack had passed he still stayed that way, in Potter’s arms while he stroke his back soothingly.

One day Potter came to visit. That day he caught Draco red-handed. Or should one say puke-handed. He was hunched over the toilet, fingers deep down his throat as he dry heaved. Potter ran in and immediately pulled him away from the toilet. Draco tried to get out of his hold, but Potter’s grip was steady, arms embracing him from behind while Draco screamed and cried. Soon the fell to the floor and Potter went down with him, still holding on to him. Draco clutched his shirt and Potter couldn’t care less about his vomit covered hands as the other man clung to him.

“I can’t do this,” he whispered in a broken voice. “I’m not strong enough, I never have been and I never will be.” Potter hushed him, slowly rocking him as his hands petted his head.

“Yes, you can,” he whispered. “We’ll be here every step of the way. We believe in you.”

Draco would never understand what he had done to deserve this kind of support and part of him hated himself even more for not being strong enough despite that.

“You need to stop drinking,” he whispered all of sudden and he could feel Potter tense.

“I-” he began.

“Please,” Draco mumbled. “For me.” Potter let out a sigh.

“I’ll try… That day you bought me a drink, it really set me back. It was the first time I drank alcohol since my recovery,” he admitted and Draco frowned.

“Then why did you do it?” He asked in an almost accusing voice.

“I don’t know,” he mumbled. “I guess I thought I had it under control. Just like you did.” Draco sighed and looked up at him.

“Please stop,” he whispered. “I still want in my life, for as long as I can have you.”

Potter gave him a weak smile as he seemed to blush. “I’m going to do my best,” he promised. “But I do want you to do the same, that’s my only demand.”

Draco pursed his lips at that. “I can’t promise you anything,” he mumbled and could feel Potter shoulders slump at that.

“I know,” he mumbled while pressing his mouth against Draco’s head. “Still, do you think you can at least try?” Draco pulled away from him to look him in the eye, dead serious.

“I don’t know if I can,” he said in a defeated voice. “Honestly, I feel to far gone at this point.”

“At this point I care about you so much, Malfoy,” Potter had whispered in his ear once. “Please, get the help you need. I’m begging you.” But that wasn’t enough for him to do so.

“If not for me, then for Ginny,” he continued on a desperate voice. Draco had just looked at him as he bit his bottom lip.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I just can’t do that, not for anyone, even less myself.”

“Also, next time you see Ginerva, tell her to get her head out of her arse and tell her I won’t accept a relapse.” At that Potter let out a snort before his face fell again.

He buried his face in his hands and let out a shaky breath.

“I don’t think I could ever get over it if you died,” he whispered. “You’ve really come to be an important person in my life. I know you think I’m the who’s helped you, but honestly, you’ve helped me just as much.”

“Before you,” he began. “I don’t know, I felt broken. Like I was no longer able to care about someone again. I felt completely apathetic towards everyone and everything, you made that disappear, you woke someone inside of me. I feel less broken thanks to you.”

Draco could only stare at him in disbelief, before blushing furiously. “That’s...Nice to hear. I’m glad I could be of some use to someone in this world.” Harry frowned.

“I think you’re more important than you want to think. You helped Ginny get better. You’re helping Hermione get someone to manage her campaign, wouldn’t you like to live long enough to see her win?”

“I will. As a ghost,” he smirked but Harry just gave him a blank stare before emitting a heavy sigh.

“I wish you’d stop saying that,” he said in low voice. “I know that’s your way of coping, but honestly I never know how to react and it saddens me.”

He flinched at that, unable to figure out how to respond.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled after a while. “I know that people get uncomfortable when I do that, I just can’t bring myself to stop.”

Harry nodded at that. “I get that,” he said, putting a hand on Draco’s thigh. “But it hurts, even if that’s not your intention.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered before tilting his head to the said to let it rest on Potter’s shoulder, Potter leaned down as well, resting his head atop of Draco’s.

“It’s just that,” he hesitated for a moment before continuing, “You mean a lot to me, Draco. I would like you to be apart of my life, just for a little bit longer.” Draco sat up and stared at Potter bewildered.

“That’s the first tine you’ve used my first name,” he said with a frown and Potter blushed ever so slightly,

“Sorry,” he mumbled. “Is that weird?”

Draco looked thoughtful for a moment before shaking his head, “No,” he said in a soft voice, a hint of a smile decorated his lips, “I like it.” At that Potter smiled smiled back at him and Draco leaned back to rest his head against his shoulder once again.

“Good,” Potter replied in a low and slightly satisfied voice, causing Draco to smile once again.

Who knew that Potter, of all people, would be the one who was there for him, to comfort him and make him feel safe.

“You look tired,” Potter said after a while. “You want to get to bed, it’s quite late.” Draco gave a small nod, he was exhausted, panic-attacks really could suck the life out of one.

“Sure,” he mumbled. “You could use some rest too.” Potter gave him a nod before standing up.

“Can I come by tomorrow,” he asked carefully. Draco looked hesitant for a moment before nodding.

“Sure,” he said and Potter grinned at him.

“Good,” he said and to Draco’s surprise he leaned in and gave him a hasty peck on his forehead.

“Goodnight,” he whispered.

“Goodnigt, Harry.” He left with a smile on his face and so did Draco. He smiled until he fell asleep

That night he didn’t have any nightmares. Instead he dreamed about Potter, with his soft, dark skin and black messy hair. It was a good night.

 

***

_V_

 

_His father was going away._

 

_His father was going away._

 

_His father was going away_

 

_And it was all Potter fault._

_That summer, when Draco recived the news that he was to be Prefect, he couldn’t have been more happy. Finally he would be able to give Potter, Weasel and Mudblood the punishment they deserved. Too long had they gotten away with their shenanigans, too long had they been excused and even praised for breaking the rules._

_That was about to change. This time Draco was incharge and boy, would he show it. He’d show them all._

 

 

 

_***_

 

Despite everyone’s support it still it wasn’t enough for him to get better. It didn’t take long before his mother started to demand that he got help and of course Draco refused. Despite the threats and the bargaining he didn’t care. There was nothing left to care about. Daphne was going, his mother was sick with worry and his father was no longer there. Pansy and Blaise ended their friendship with him and he felt like it was only a matter of time before the Weasley’s and Potter did the same. So what was the point? In anything? He was getting worse and he couldn’t care less.

When it had gotten so far he wasn’t even able to lift his arm or walk properly they all had enough. They forced him to get hospitalized and Draco was naturally furious and refused for long time. Ginny had dragged him to a mirror and forced him to look.

“Are you seeing this?” She hissed. “This can’t go on and Morgana, I’m tired of seeing you like this!” Draco glanced at his reflection and flinched at the sight. He was nothing but bones at this point, his body was so small and fragile and his head looked too big for his body. He looked old, face wrinkled and eyes sunken in. He didn’t like what he was seeing, but at this point recovery seemed to be impossible for him. Even if he wanted to recover-which he didn’t-he was too far sick to get back to a healthy weight. He had nothing to say about that, he knew she was right, but at this point he could only long and wait for the sweet embrace of death.

It wasn’t until he fainted one day and barley woke up they took him to the hospital and once again he found himself with a tube up his nose. This goblins damned tubes. He hated them so much.

To his surprise Harry, Ginny and the Weasley’s, including Hermione came to visit him almost everyday. It warmed his heard while it simultaneously annoyed him. He didn’t them want to be this close to him. He wanted to die without hurting anyone. At this point though, it seemed impossible and once again Draco was drowning in self-hatred as the only thing he could think about was how selfish he was being.

The one visit that surprised him the most was when Bill and Charlie came to see him. They looked concerned as soon as they saw him.

“Shit,” Charlie mumbled while scratching the back of his head. “I had no idea it was this bad.” He sounded almost sorrowful as he spoke and Draco didn’t know how to reply at that.

“Well,” he said after a while in a bitter voice. “What can I say, one of my many talents is killing myself slowly.” He gave them a stiff smirk only to be met with complete silence. Soon they both let out a sight before pulling out a chair to seat themselves by the bed.

“Listen,” Charlie said in a serious voice. “What we said when you came to the Burrow that day… It was really unwarranted and we’re sincerely sorry about that.”

“Don’t be,” Draco mumbled and looked down on his hands. “You said nothing that I didn’t deserve.” Charlie and Bill shook their heads violently at that.

“That’s not true,” Bill said. “After everything you’ve done for our sister, we shouldn’t have cornered you like that. It wasn’t fair to you.” Draco raised an eyebrow, uncertain if they meant it or not.

“Getting over everything that happened during the war has been far from easy,” Bill said in a heavy voice. “But we know you aren’t to blame for it,” Bill bit his bottom lip.

“It wasn’t fair,” Charlie continued. “To claim that you were responsible for everything that happened.”

Draco nodded slowly. “Well, thank you,” he mumbled, looking at them with uncertainty painted all over his face.

“Listen,” Charlie said after a while. “One of the reasons we came is because we want you to get better,” Draco frowned, slightly surprised by the admission. “Ginny… This is tearing her apart. She isn’t eating anymore and we also suspect that Harry might be drinking again.”

Draco felt ashamed to hear that. He should’ve known his relapse would cause trouble for everyone else. Of course, he did nothing but drag others down with him.

“I’ll talk to them,” he said after a while. “But I can’t promise anything.”

That seemed to good enough for the brothers as they nodded and got up from their chairs.

“We really hope you do find the strength to fight this,” Bill said in a soft voice. “We’d like you to come to the Burrow and have dinner with us once again. This time we won’t act like complete wankers.”

Draco gave them a weak smile and with that they left him. He gave a deep sigh as he leaned back against the pillows. He felt exhausted and this point all the visits tired him out to the point where he just wanted to be left alone and sleep.

When Ginerva came to visit Draco scolded her for having a relapse.

“You’re so fucking stupid,” he growled at her and she looked at him with a face mixed between anger and shame.

“You really are the worst hypocrite,” she mumbled and at that Draco huffed that.

“Maybe,” he said in a sour voice. “But at this point you’re no better.” Ginerva bit her lip and looked away.

“I need you to be here, for me,” he said in a sorrowful voice and she looked almost said at his tone.

“Fine,” she mumbled. “But I need you to do the same.” Draco opened his mouth as he was just about to speak but Ginerva beat him to it. “I know you think it’s useless, but I’ve seen worse. If those people managed to get better so can you.”

“I get that,” he mumbled, sounding bitter. “But at this point...I don’t know. I’m tired.” He emitted a heavy sigh and Ginerva did the did same.

“You do what you want,” she finally said. “At this point I feel like following Pansy’s actions.” Draco flinched at that and looked down at his hands.

“I’m sorry you feel that way,” he said in a quiet voice. “But if it’s any help, I do want you here. You’re support means a lot.” Ginny shook her head, mouth opening and closing before she spoke.

“I don’t want to see you die, Draco,” she whispered and gave him a desperate look. “I don’t thing I could handle that.”

For a moment Draco said nothing, instead he looked guilty. His intent had never been to hurt people, yet here he was once again, dragging down the people he cared about with him. Maybe it was for the best for Ginerva to walk away and leave him alone. Why shouldn't she? Maybe it was for the best to let everyone leave him be. He was meant to be alone and that was just it. He never wanted to get close to anyone, he knew that he would only end up hurting them and let them down. That was the one think he was good at after all.

“I would never be able to leave you,” Ginerva finally said in a defeated voice. “I’m just so fucking tired, Draco. This has gone too far and I just can’t deal anymore. I don’t know what to do.” She sounded so hopeless, like she was close to giving up.

“I know,” he said equally tired. “I am too, believe me. I want all of this to be over but at this point I just don’t care about being alive. I don’t see the point.”

Ginerva looked absolutely heart-broken at that. “So you don’t we are enough for to get better?”

“Of course I do,” Draco said in a defensive tone while frowning at her. “I want to, but I can’t. I just can’t. Fighting this is too much for me.”

“And it’s too much for me to see you dying,” Ginerva shot back at him. “It breaks my heart, Draco. All of our heart to see you like this. Especially Harry’s.”

Draco bit his bottom, biting off some dead skin at the process while he opened and closed his mouth. “Has he stop drinking yet?” He finally asked after a while. Ginerva gave him a small nod.

“It’s been hard for him,” she admitted. “After his stupid relapse everything just seemed to go downwards.” Draco felt guilty upon hearing that. But said nothing. “The abstinence has been really bad. He’s on edge most of the time. Depression and some physical troubles too. It’s hard to watch,” she admitted and Draco nodded slowly.

“Maybe you would be better off leaving me, you don’t deserve all this trouble,” he mumbled and for a second a flash of anger seemed to adore her face before turning cold.

“Fuck you, honestly,” she hissed. “Like we could ever do that, you goblins damn wanker! For you to even say that!” She shook her head. “Is that what you think of us? Is that something you think we could ever do?” Fucking hell, Draco.” She rubbed her face and took a deep breath. “We care about you, you sodding prick! I’d even go so far as to say we love you.” Draco stared at her in disbelief and Ginerva nodded violently. “We do,” she said in a stern voice. “We’d never leave you and if you think for one second we would leave you to battle this alone, you’re a fucking idiot and an arse.” She shook her head violently and Draco looked ashamed for a moment.

“If you think we could ever see you die without being affected by it… That goes to show how little you know.”

“I’m sorry,” he finally pressed out. “I know you wouldn’t but I just think you should. My intentions were honestly never to get close to anyone anymore. I’m being selfish, as always. Just like my father.” he added in a bitter tone and Ginerva signed before standing up.

“Move over,” she ordered and Draco did as he was told. Ginerva got into the bed with him, resting her head against his chest and put one arm over his waist.

“You’re not selfish, Draco,” she mumbled. “And you’re nothing like your father.” Draco put an arm around her shoulder and hugged her.

“I feel like it. Letting everyone down, leaving mother heart-broken. Just like him.” Ginerva said nothing for a long while and all that could be heard was the wheezing breaths from Draco.

“Your heart is beating really irregularly,” she commented in a concerned voice. Draco hummed at that.

“I think my body is close to giving up,” he mumbled, causing Ginerva to hug him even tighter.

“I hate this,” she whispered. “I hate seeing you like this and what you’re doing to yourself. It hurts.” She took a deep breath and buried her face against his chest. It hurt, holding him like this-he was just a skin-covered skeleton at this point.

“I think I need to sleep now,” he mumbled against her hair. “I’m too tired right now, I need a nap.” Ginny gave a small nod before getting out of the bed. She turned to him and gave him a slightly depressed smile.

“I’ll see you around,” she said and stroked his hair in a loving manner.

“Let’s just hope I wake up in the morning,” he mumbled and Ginny closed her eyes with a pained expression on her face.

“Please don’t say that,” she whispered. She leaned in to give him a kiss on the cheek.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she promised and Draco gave her a curt nod.

“See you, love,” she said and with that she left him.

Draco leaned back, resting his head against the pillows. It didn’t take long for him to fall asleep.

That night he dreamt of his family and the Weasley’s. And of course, Potter.

 

 

_VI_

 

  _Draco was going to do everything he had to do to protect his family. He took the mark that night._ _Promising to serve the Dark Lord and follow orders. Draco was to repair the cabinet. Draco was supposed to kill Dumbledore. The last thing he needed in his life right now was Potter shoving his nose where it didn’t belong. Therefore it made sense to stomp him in the face, right on his stupid fucking nose. He didn’t need to get interrupted or sabotaged by Potter. One mistake and his family was gone. He could not allow that. So with that in mind he slung the invisibility cloak over his stiff body. Then he stepped off the Hogwarts Express, leaving Potter behind to get delivered back to Kings Cross._

 

_*_

 

 _T_ _he taunting, the whispering, the paranoia, the fear. Draco was going crazy and he didn’t know where to turn. Before he knew it he found himself in the first floor girls bathroom. Before he knew it he started talking to Myrtle and he continued doing so for a long while. Up until that one day._

 

_*_

 

 

 _T_ _his was the most humiliating thing to have ever happened to Draco since the ferret incident. He felt his gut burn in anger and resentment as he was met with the sight of fucking Potter, right behind him, in the bathroom. He was staring at him, seeming to be caught off guard by the fact that Draco was crying. His sight went red and he turned around, the unforgivable spell at the very tip of his tongue but before he could finish Potter had shouted something even faster and it hit Draco like razorblades. He fell to ground, numb and aching at the same time, breath caught in his throat. Once again he felt absolutely humiliated as he saw the look on Potter’s face. He didn’t need his fucking pity. He wanted to scream_ _at_ _him_ _. Tell him to fuck off. Then Snape was beside him._

 

 

_*_

 

 

“ _I’ll fucking kill him,” Pansy promised darkly._

 

_This time Draco wasn’t going for pity. Instead he hid in shame. He didn’t want anyone to know what had happened, what Potter had seen._

 

“ _Don’t bother,” Draco mumbled in an exhausted voice. “The Dark Lord with have_ _you_ _skinned if you kill him.”_

 

“ _No killing then, just beating him_ _within an_ _inch of his life.”_

 

“ _Leave it!” Draco shouted and slammed his hand against the wall. He ignored the pain that ran through his entire arm. Pansy flinched, staring at Draco with an unreadable expression._

 

“ _Fine,” she whispered and then got up and left._

 

 

_*_

 

 _H_ _e fixed the Vanishing Cabinet. He should be happy, but instead his body is filled with pure dread as the shrill sounding laughter that unmistakable belonged to his aunt Bellatrix echoed in his ear. She was leaning in close, urging him to make his way to the tower. To kill Dumbledore._

 

 _And so there he was, wand in hand,_ _aimed_ _at the headmaster, shaking and once again sobbing like a pathetic baby. When Dumbledore offered to protect Draco and his family, i_ _f_ _they only came over the right side, he lowered his wand. In the end, Draco had been incapable of_ _murdering_ _his headmaster. Then Snape was beside him._

 

_Then Dumbledore was dead._

 

 

_***_

The next day Astoria and his mother came to visit. They both looked exhausted, but worse was his mother. She had dark rings under her eyes and Draco could tell she had lost weight. They both approached him and Astoria gave him a soft kiss on his forehead.

“How are you, love?” She asked with a worried frown on her face. Draco gave her a weak smile.

“Well, I’m still alive, aren't’ I?” He said and both Astoria and his mother let out a heavy sigh.

“You’re a git,” Astoria said, but there was a hint of lightness in her voice. Draco smirked at her and she took a seat next him on the bed.

“I brought you something,” she said. “I know you like muggle-books so...” She pulled out a book from her bag and gave it to him.

“Lord of the Rings?” He looked at her curiously and she shrugged.

“I’ve heard a lot of good things about it,” she said before frowning. “I tried reading it but it was a bit slow for my taste. He dedicated almost an entire chapter to describe a tree.”

Draco chuckled. “You always were more for the action things,” he said with a smile and Astoria grinned at him. “Well,” he continued. “It’s not like I have anything better to do.”

His mother stood up and put a flower on the small table beside the bed. “I got you this,” she said softly. “It’s so awfully dreary in here.”

“Well, it is a hospital,” he pointed out and his mother pursed her lips.

“Still, it could use some colour in here. It’s already so depressing here, it won’t hurt to add something beautiful to this room.”

Draco gave her a smile and she approached him before leaning down to kiss his forehead.

“We miss you,” Astoria said with a sad expression and an equally sad voice. Draco gave her a weak smile.

“I miss you too,” he said in a sincere voice. He did, so horribly his heart was aching. There was so much he missed. Most of all he missed being with her and Daphne. Suddenly his mind seemed to overflow with memories of the good times and he wasn’t sure if he should laugh or cry. He remembered them sitting up all night and talking about nothing and everything. He remembered introducing them both to the muggle-culture and that wonderful box called a TV. He remembered the times he was cuddled up with Daphne in the sofa, binge-watching Doctor Who.

“You know what I think about a lot?” He had said and Daphne had given him a curious look. “The tenth doctor looks awfully lot like Barty Crouch Jr.”

Daphne's eyes had widened as she sat up and leaned forward to look. “Oh holy Merlin!” She gasped. “You’re right!”

“What are you thinking about?” Astoria asked suddenly, causing Draco to snap out of his thought.

“Nothing,” he mumbled and Astoria gave him a frown.

“Didn’t look like nothing,” she pressed and Draco sighed.

“Daphne,” he admitted after a while and Astoria’s face fell at that and she bit her bottom lip.

“Yeah,” she mumbled. “I think about her too, all the time.” Draco looked at her and she met his gaze before putting her hand over Draco’s, squeezing it carefully. They were so small and skinny at this point and there was hardly anything to hold on to. “That’s why I can’t bear losing you too,” her voice just a mere whisper. Draco looked at her, guilt written all over his face.

“I’m sorry for doing this to you,” was all he could manage to say and as he looked at her he could see the tears forming in the corner of her eyes.

“Then show us that you’re sorry!” She cried. “Show us by getting better, please!” Draco felt himself getting teary-eyed.

“I can’t,” he whispered. “I don’t know why, I just can’t.” Astoria looked at him disappointed.

“You’re so goblin’s damn selfish,” she whispered in an angry tone. “Merlin, I wish I could hate you for it.” Draco looked down on his hands.

“Yeah,” he mumbled. “I wish you could too.” Daphne shook her head at him.

“You’re no different than Daphne, you know,” she said in an accusing voice. “What she did was so fucking selfish and I will never forgive her for that. But you’re doing the exact same thing now, so you’re no better than her.”

It hurt him, hearing that. Merlin knows he wished he could control it, make it stop.

“I know I’m being selfish,” he sad in a quiet voice. “I know that, but I don’t know how to be...Not selfish.”

“Yeah,” Astoria said. “You do. You just don’t believe it yourself and that’s make you incapable of of stopping. You think it’s the only thing you’re good at so you push people away and you hurt them in the process. Just look at Blaise and Pansy!” Her words hit too close to home and he flinched and closed is eyes.

“Do you have any idea how much I’ve had to be there for them?” Astoria continued as she started to get more and more upset. “My sister died! I had to bury my sister and they came to me, crying and sobbing because of what you did to them!” He felt a lump form in his throat at that. He was devastated about how everything had gone between them, he had not shown it at time but he had been beyond hurt when they said they were over. He loved them so dearly and missed them everyday. They had been his everything for so long and to no longer have them in his life made his heart ache and his stomach burn. Losing Daphne had been hard enough and for that reason alone he needed them. But they weren’t there, which he could hardly blame them for. It was the smartest think for them to do. If distancing themselves from him was what they had to do in order to avoid getting hurt, he was hardly one to blame them for it. He understood, yet he wished they didn’t have to.

“I just don’t know what to do anymore,” she gave a humourless chuckle and rubbed her forehead. “I’m going to get some water. I’ll be back soon.” She left the room and so it was only Draco and his mother. They looked at each other and she looked sicker than ever.

“Mother,” he began, but she interrupted him.

“I get it,” she said in a soft voice. “After the war I fell into a deep depression.”

This surprised Draco, he never noticed it. He knew she had been down, but she had still put on a brave face.

“I never showed it,” she admitted. “I still had to be there for you and your father. But I was really down, for a long time. It only got worse after your father.” She looked down, sadness shining in her eyes before she took a deep breath and continued. “It was really hard getting out of it, but eventually I did. And so will you.” Draco looked at her and she gave her the tiniest hint of a smile. “You’re strong, strong as a dragon.”

He gave her a smile and she stroked his hair in a loving manner. “I know it seems impossible at the moment, but I believe in you. Always have, always will.”

Astoria appeared in the doorway soon after that. “Visiting hours are over, Cissy,” she said. “We should get going.”

“That we should,” his mother said with a small nod. She turned to her soon once again and gave him a peck on the corner of his mouth.

“Be good now, my brave little dragon.”

 

 

***

VII

 _He witnessed Chaity Burbage’s death. He tortured_ _Thorfinn Rowle on the Dark Lord’s orders. The day Luna was captured and thrown in to the_ _dungeons_ _with the rest of the prisoners Draco_ _made a decision. He might be too late to stop the Dark Lord at this point but the least he could do was make sure his former classmate_ _s_ _were okay. He snuck down food for them. Thomas never said anything and Lovegood accepted the gesture_ _with tired eyes and a grateful smile. It wasn’t much, but it was all he could offer at this point. He didn’t care if he got in trouble for it, as long as the Dark Lord went after him and not his parents, Draco was more than happy to be disobedient._ _He didn’t care about the Dark Lord at this point and he didn’t care about what would happened if he got caught. He needed this._ _One night he snuck down with a blanket, he knew the dungeon was cold and just like he suspected they both sat in a corner on the floor, shivering._ _Dean had his arm around her shoulders, trying to keep her warm. When Draco approached them with the blanket Dean looked up at him with stiff expression ons his face._

 

“ _Malfoy, you have to do something!” He hissed and Draco looked down on them, feeling absolutely hopeless._

 

“ _I brought you a blanket,” he said in a weak tone, voice almost a whisper._

 

“ _That’s not enough!” He snapped as he raised his voice. “Get us out of here!”_

 

_Draco hushed him and looked around the dungeon with a cautious expression._

 

“ _I can’t,” he whispered._

 

“ _Yes, you can,” Dean insisted. “You just have to sneak us out. Draco looked at him in helplessness._

 

“ _He’ll kill my family if he finds out,” he mumbled in a shivering voices. It really was cold down here._

 

“ _And he’ll kill us!” Dean s_ _hot back at him. Draco looked guilty._

 

“ _I won’t let that happen,” he promised. “As long as my family is safe, I don’t care what happens to me.”_

 

“ _Then take the blame for it! Say your parents had nothing to do with it!”_

 

“ _He’s not going to listen,” Draco argued in a distressed voice. “We’re already on thin ice with him. Any more slip ups and we’re dead!”_

 

“ _Fine,” Dean said and snatched the blanket out of his grip in an aggressive manner. Draco gave him one last long before turning around to leave. He could hear Dean hiss behind him with a voice full of resentment. “You’re fucking cowered, Draco Malfoy.”_

 

_Draco closed his eyes and pretended that he hadn’t just hit a sore spot._

 

“ _I know,” he whispered and walked out._

 

_***_

 

 

“ _Do it,” the Dark Lord hissed at him and Draco shivered as he heard him speak. “Do it or pay the price for your insolence.”_

 

“ _I’ll pay the price then,” he said in a steady voice, trying to be brave._

 

“ _Draco, no,” Luna whispered in a pleading voice. “It’s okay. Do what you have to do!”_

 

_Draco shook his head violently. “I’m ready,” was all he said and soon after that the Dark Lord whispered unforgivable curse and Draco fell to the floor, screaming in agony._

 

_*_

 

“ _Why didn’t you identify him,” his mother asked as she tended to him after he had tortured him till he had vomited._

 

“ _I couldn’t tell,” he lied in a low voice. His mother gave him a doubtful look but said nothing. His father suddenly burst in trough the door. He walked over to Draco and put a hand on his shoulder._

 

“ _You shouldn’t have done that,” he whispered as his grip tightened. Draco refused to look at him, gaze falling down on his hands instead._

 

“ _I didn’t know,” he began._

 

“ _You’re lying,” his father mumbled. “It was a foolish thing of you to do.”_

 

“ _Maybe,” Draco mumbled. “But it was the right thing.”_

 

_His father sighed and shook his head. “Do you have any idea what he could have done to us?” He said ask in an accusing voice.”_

 

_Draco mumbled. “I knew he wou-”_

 

“ _You couldn’t be sure!” His father snapped at him. “You could have put us in serious danger!”_

 

“ _Well, you’re okay, aren’t you?” Draco replied and his father’s eyes turned icy as he glared down at him._

 

“ _You better not do anything like this again,” he said in a cold voice and gave him a hard slap on the back of his head before leaving. His mother watched him as he walked away._

 

“ _His just worried,” she said in a sad tone. “He loves you. He’s just scared.”_

 

“ _I know,” Draco mumbled. “I just wish he could show it sometimes.”_

 

“ _He does,” his mother insisted. “But our family has never been the kind of people to say it out loud. He’s just showing it in strange ways because he doesn’t know how to express care and love.”_

 

“ _So tough love, basically?” His mother gave him a bit of a smile_

 

“ _Basically, yeah,” she replied in a soft voice and stroked his hair as she did so. Draco sighed deeply._

 

“ _We should get going,” her mother whispered and Draco nodded. They stood up and she gave him a tight hug._

 

“ _I love you,” she mumbled and Draco felt a lump in his throat, but despite that he forced himself to speak._

 

“ _I love you too.”_

 

***

 

“Can I ask you something?” Potter asked. It was his third visit this week and he had been there almost all day. Granger and Weasley came with him, but left after about an hour.

“Depends on,” Draco said and raised an eyebrow at him. Potter ran his tongue over his lips and Merlin did he want that tongue. Preferable in his mouth.

“You don’t need to reply,” Potter said, making Draco snap back to reality. Draco frowned.

“It’s just...what did your father say when you and Greengrass called off the wedding?” He titled his head, looking at Draco with curious eyes. He let out a low chuckle at the memory.

“Oh, he was furious,” he admitted with a hint of amusement in his tone.

“Did you tell him the truth?” Potter leaned forward, resting his elbows on the hospital bed. Draco nodded.

“Yeah,” he said, lip darting out to run over his dry and dehydrated lips. “He did not take that well.” Potter nodded slowly as he kept his intense gaze on Draco.

“What did he say?” He finally asked and Draco smirked at him.

“What didn’t he say?” He chuckled. “It was everything from how I have to keep our bloodline alive, which I couldn’t do if I were a homo, to asking himself where he went wrong and how this could have happened. I told him it was probably because of the lack of a strong father-figure in my life. I thought his eyes were about to pop right out of his head.”

Potter burst out laughing at that and Draco let out something between a sigh and a groan before joining in.

“You know,” Potter began once the laughter died down. “I never did know how to react, seeing you again after the funeral.”

“Well, you did exactly what I told you to do. Act like it never happened.”

“It felt like it never did, to be honest.” Draco raised an eyebrow at him and Potter started to fiddle with the corner of the blanket in his lap. “I feel like every time I’ve seen you since after the war I’ve been running in to different people. At the funeral you were so set on defending your father and keeping his name cleared. Then you show up to the Burrow and announce how much you hate him and how happy you are that he’s out of your life. At the funeral you told me to get my self-righteous head out of my ass and stop thinking that just because I stopped maturing at the age of sixteen, that didn’t mean everyone else did as well.”  
  
Draco turned bright red. “Did you memorize the whole conversation word for word?” He asked with a displeased frown and Potter had the audacity to laugh at him.

“Some things you say just sticks with me sometime,” he admitted. “Anyway, you told me that we were kids when this animosity between us developed and as grown ups we should find a way to leave that behind us. Yet you were completely silent when Bill and Charlie ripped you a new one in front of their entire family. All of sudden it was like you thought you deserved it.”

Draco’s eyes drifted to a spot right behind Potter, suddenly unable to look at him.

“You acted like me showing up that day was the worst possible thing that could have happened. You were rude and mean as usual, so no surprises there. But why the sudden change? Why was it that when I saw you, seven years after our last encounter, you acted like I was actually going to tackle you to the ground for even showing up at a dinner _you_ were invited to?”

Draco closed his eyes and let out a deep sigh, hands fidgeting anxiously in his lap.

“I mean I guess a part of me thought you would be upset… After our meeting that day I had a lot of time to think and I don’t know...I guess I grew more and more ashamed of how I acted. I should have been grateful for what you did, speaking on our behalf, but instead I acted like a wanker.”

Potter let out a small chuckle. “Maybe, still” he scratched the back of his head. “It was just so unlike you.” Suddenly he was frowning. “I do wonder though, why did you want us to act like that never happened?”

Draco opened and closed his mouth before answering.

“I just thought it might be better that way, for everyone.” He scratched the back of his head, looking thoughtful and hesitant. “I guess I just though it wouldn’t be a good idea. For your sake and my sake it felt better to do so.”

Draco gave a small shrug. “I don’t really know at this point. It was weird seeing you, especially there of all place.”

“It was weird being there,” Potter admitted. “But it was nice in a way. It was the first time we actually had a decent conversation.” Draco had to chuckle at that. Potter looked at him before speaking again.

“Were you sick back then too?” Harry asked carefully. Draco looked thoughtful for a moment.

“I mean… A bit, I guess,” he mumbled. “Not like, terribly ill, but that’s when it sort of started.” Potter bit his bottom lip, looking thoughtful and hesitant for a moment.

“Can I say something?” He asked and Draco snorted at him.

“You’ve said plenty of stuff already,” he said and Potter rolled his eyes at him.

“I just,” he bit the inside of his cheek. “I have a theory.” Draco raised and eyebrow at him, giving him a look that urged him to keep keep talking. “I think it might have started earlier than that. Your fifth year you stopped playing Quidditch, which you love. I think your depression kicked in back then.” Draco’s eyes fell and he he frowned. “Then it was sixth year, you stopped eating and Myrtle told us you talked to her, a lot.” At that Draco blushed before smirking.

“I didn’t know you kept such a close eye on me,” he said in a teasing voice and Harry let out a small chuckle.

“Well, back then I was sure you were up to something,” he admitted and Draco shrugged.

“Well,” he mumbled. “You weren’t complete wrong.”

“Maybe so,” Potter said in a soft voice. “But you’ve changed,” he gave him a lopsided smile that almost caused Draco to blush. Almost. He wasn’t sure where or when the attraction for Potter had hit him or if it was only because he was the first one of a few people that had been nice to him since the war. It seemed to have hit him out of nowhere. Maybe it was because he had been there for him, in every sense of the word. He pulled him back when he felt like he was slipping. He made Draco think that maybe, maybe it was worth fighting his illness. All of a sudden he felt safe, like no matter what happened, things would be okay. He wasn’t sure when Potter became a person he could trust and a person he wanted to be with, yet here he was and that’s what he was. Besides Ginerva Potter had become the first person he wanted to talk to and the first person he wanted to be with. He liked that he visited him. He liked dreaming about him at night because those were the only nights he didn’t have nightmares.

If someone were to ever ask Draco where he felt like home was, he wouldn’t name a place-but rather a name. That name was Harry Potter. It was something that scared him and excited him. It had struck him like lightning and he realised he had never felt like this before. He never wanted to hurt Potter, or leave him but at this point it felt like his only option. He wanted to push Potter away, for his own sake, but he didn’t want to, he couldn’t bear doing so. He needed him close to him. After all, Draco Malfoy was a selfish bastard.

“Well,” Potter said, causing Draco to look up as he had almost forgotten Potter was there. “It’s not like any of that it matters now. Everything has already been said and done,” he gave him a careful smile. “But for what it’s worth I never did hate you. I’ve actually come to admire you these past years.” Draco looked at him in surprise. “You’ve done so much and really put in the work for change. I’m proud of you.” Draco stared at him, absolutely bewildered.

“Proud?” He repeated and Potter laughed at him.

“Yes, Malfoy. Proud. Is that not a word you’ve heard before?” His voice was teasing, but to be quite honest it wasn’t. His father had never expressed any pride for his son and his mother would lovingly pat his head and kiss him on the cheek. But nothing like that had ever been said out loud.

“I’m sorry,” Potter added quickly, looking slightly ashamed. “I realise you didn’t grow up with the most expressive family,” he scratched the back of his head, looking slightly awkward as he did so. Draco just shook his head at him.

“It’s okay,” he said and honestly it was. At this point Astoria and his mother was his only family. “It’s the truth, they never really knew how to express love and care, especially my father.” Potter frowned at that.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled and Draco bit his bottom lip, looking hesitant before speaking.

“I know I keep saying that I hate him and that I’m glad he’s dead, but the truth is I do miss him. I wish he was here, I feel like he would be able to kick some sense into me,” he gave Potter a small smirk and Potter snorted at that before turning serious.

“It’s okay, you know?” He said in a low voice. “To miss him and wish he was here. He was a right wanker but he was your father despite that.” Draco gave him half a nod and let up a deep sigh.

“I wish I didn’t care so much,” he mumbled. “He hurt us so much, especially mother. The one thing I actually felt like I inherited from him was his last name and his selfishness.” He looked down at his hands and was surprised when Potter leaned forward and took it in his own hand, giving it a careful squeeze.

“You’re not selfish, Draco,” he said in a soft voice and Draco felt his heart skip a beat at the sound of his first name. It truly was something different when it came from Potter. “You’re sick and I get that. I just wished you wanted to get better, even if it’s hard.”

“I wish I could too,” he mumbled and Potter gave him another reassured squeeze.

“I like you,” Potter suddenly admitted, causing Draco to almost choke on his own tongue. “If you survive this, I’d love to explore whatever this is,” he pointed between them and a slight blush tainted his dark skin. Draco had to fight the blush that threatened to adore his face as well.

“Me too,” he admitted, slightly embarrassed. Potter chuckled and rubbed his forehead.

“Merlin knows I don’t get how this happened but, I’ve grown to really care for you. I want to be in my life for as long as I can have you.”

“Merlin, Potter,” Malfoy groaned but smirked nonetheless. “When did you get so fucking cheesy?” Potter let out a laugh at that, causing Draco to smile even wider at the sound. It was honestly the best sound in the world, like music to his ears.

“Man, who knows?” He chuckled. “You seem to bring out the worst in me, you always have.” He gave Draco a playful smirk and smirked right back, equally playful.

“One of my many talents,” he said with an amused smirk. “Listen,” he said all of sudden, causing Draco to frown. “I need to get going, but can I visit you tonight?”

“Sure,” Draco said with a shrug. “It’s not like I have anything better to do.” Harry smiled at him before lookig at the small table next to the bed.

“Is that The Lord of the Rings?” He asked and raised an eyebrow, looking slight diverted. Draco shrugged his shoulder, trying to seem uncaring about his amusement.

“It’s a good book,” he just said and Potter picked it up.

“I tried reading it once,” he told Draco. “But it was a bit slow for me. He spent pretty much a whole chapter describing a tree. I prefer a bit more action.” At that Draco smirked.

“Why am I not surprised?” Potter stuck out his tongue at him in a playful manner an Draco did the same. Potter gave him one last smile before leaning in and giving him a peck on the cheek, causing Draco to involuntary blush furiously. “I’ll see tonight,” he said with a grin and then left Draco alone, confused and slightly out of breath.

That night, Draco’s heart stopped beating.

 

_VIII_

 

“ _What are you doing here?” He hissed as he slammed the bathroom door shut. He turned to face the saviour with a furious expression on his face. Potter sneered at him._

 

“ _Believe me, I don’t want to be here any more than you want me to,” he growled in a low voice and Draco huffed._

 

“ _Then what_ _on_ _earth possessed you to come here?” He asked in a stiff voice, eyes darkening. Potter pursed his lips._

 

“ _I’m on duty,” was all he said. Draco’s eyes narrowed._

 

“ _Duty?” He repeated and Potter spared him a glance before rolling his eyes as he emitted a loud sigh._

 

“ _It’s not like your fathers little change_ _of_ _alliance at the last minute didn’t earn him a few enemies from your own side.”_

 

“ _Don’t think I already know that, Potter?” He sneered. “Besides, that change of_ _alliance_ _saved us-”_

 

“ _You know damn well that’s not true.”_

 

_Draco pressed his lips into a thin line. Potter glared at him._

 

“ _So I heard you and Weaslette are over,” he said all of a sudden and Potter_ _narrowed his eyes_ _. “She finally grew tiered of saviour_ _prick-_ _”_

 

“ _Yeah, something like that,” Potter interrupted before smirking at Draco. “And I heard your marriage with Greengrass fell through. Too much dick in your personality_ _to make up for what you’re clearly lacking down stairs?”_

 

_Draco’s face turned sour. Potter gave him a smug grin before it fell off his face, turning his expression into stone._

 

“ _Fuck you, Potter,” he mumbled._

 

“ _Too close to the truth?” He mocked and Malfoy glared him._

 

“ _You have no idea what you’re talking about,” he said and shook his head. “Get your ugly fucking mug out of here before I fucking stomp your teeth in. Again.”_

 

“ _I don’t know why I ever spoke for you,” Potter mumbled and Draco smirked at him._

 

“ _Me neither.”_

 

_Potter’s nose wrinkled in disgust and he let out a huff as he shook his head._

 

“ _Anyway,” he drawled._ _“We’ve been keeping an eye on_ _you_ _through the years, because of that. In case someone were to come after you._ _Especially_ _if it were to be a former Death Eater_ _or anyone one with a previous alliances to Voldemort._ _.”_ _Draco flinched, still disturbed and disgusted with the fact that Potter could speak his name so freely. He straightened his back and looked Potter dead in the eyes._

 

“ _So, bait then? That’s why we weren’t sent to Azkaban? So you can could hang us out-”_

 

“ _That’s exactly what we didn’t want!” Potter snapped and Malfoy shook his head at him._

 

“ _Keep telling yourself that,” he gritted out. “The truth of the matter is that none of you fuckers give a damn about what happens to the Malfoy’s. We’re no longer of any use to the Ministry so why on earth would they need to keep us alive?”_

 

“ _I’m_ _h_ _ere now,” Potter pressed out stiffly. “To protect you and your mother, in case something were to happen.”_

 

“ _Why you?” Malfoy asked suspiciously. “Why not someone else? Anyone else, really. Why did it have to be you?”_

 

“ _Because you’re right!” Harry snapped. “No one gives a fuck about what happens to you. No one wants to protect your arse,_ _Malfoy_ _!”_

 

_Draco huffed. “Surly someone-”_

 

“ _Yeah,” Potter snapped, cutting him off. “Me.”_

 

_They stared at each other._

 

“ _Why?” He_ _repeated_ _with a blank expression and Potter nostrils flared._

 

“ _I don’t know,” he said after a while and shrugged. “Maybe I don’t like feeling in debt to you.”_

 

_Draco faltered, swallowing hard as his eyes fell to the floor. Potter cleared his throat._

 

“ _Anyway,_ _this is your father’s_ _funeral_ _, I wasn’t exactly dying to sign up. Pun not intended, obviously.” He quickly added and Draco_ _pursed his lips in distaste._

 

“ _We don’t want a_ _fucking_ _auror_ _s_ _watch at my father’s funeral, Potter,” he spat and Potter took a step closer, looking down on the young Malfoy with eyes clouded by darkness._

 

“ _Malfoy, your father hasn’t had the Ministry or the auror forces wrapped around his finger since the war, so what on earth makes you think anyone gives a fuck about what you want?”_

 

_Draco’s nostrils flared in anger as his face started turning a light shade of red._

 

“ _Watch your fucking mouth,” he hissed in a threatening tone. “This is my father’s funeral and you will be respectful of that if you’re going to be here.” Potter still looked down on him, but took a step back_ _nonetheless_ _, pursing his lips as he did so. “Good,” he bit out through gritted teeth.._ _He turned around to face the bathroom door and placed his hand on the door knob._

 

“ _And Potter,” he added, slowly turning his head as he spoke over his shoulder. “If you upset mother in any way, shape or form, I will kill you.”_

 

_With that said, Draco swung the door open and left._

 

_*_

 

“ _So,” Draco drawled as he leaned over the rail of the balcony, taking a drag from his cigarette. “No assassination_ _attempts_ _here, so you’re free to go, knowing you have done your duty.”_ _There was no mistaking the sarcastic undertone his voice held. Potter shook his head at him._

 

“ _You’re fucking unbelievable,” he mumbled and Draco let out a humourless chuckle._

 

“ _I take it your disappointed, then?” He said with a raised eyebrow and Potter sighed._

 

“ _As much as I hate you, I don’t want you dead, Malfoy,” he said in a tired voice._

 

“ _Could’ve fooled me,” Draco sneered. “With you speaking your regrets on keeping our asses out of Azkaban-”_

 

“ _Well that’s wasn’t me, was it?” He cut him off, staring at him with a blank expression. “That was your father, remember?”_

 

_Draco stared at him. “Aren’t you a fucking riot,” he mumbled and Potter shrugged._

 

“ _I try.”_

 

“ _Whatever.” Draco took. “Another day saved by the great Harry Potter. Why don’t you run over to the Prophet and brag about how noble you were to take on the one task no one else fucking wanted to and protected the enemy.”_

 

“ _You know damn well by now that hate the fucking Prophet,” he grumbled. “Even if I didn’t I’d never brag about having to attend a Death Eaters funeral to protect to vilest and cruellest bully I’ve ever known.”_

 

“ _Well, your job here is done, so no one is stopping you from vacating your arse from the property.”_

 

“ _Already on it,” he gave Draco a smirk and turned on his heels._

 

“ _Why are you even here?” Draco suddenly called. Potter turned around. “If it’s such a fucking blow to your pride you didn’t have to come.”_

 

“ _Like I said, no one else was going to.”_

 

“ _Oh please,” Draco snarled. “No one forced you to come here, hell, I’ll even bet they paid your arse not to come here because they knew you’d be a foul prick about it!”_

 

“ _And you don’t think anyone else would?” He snapped. “Believe me, I tried to be civil with you!”_

 

“ _Civil?” Draco repeated. “Civil? You think you’re being civil?_ _Maybe even p_ _rofessional?” His tone was mocking and he could see Potter getting riled up by it._

 

“ _You didn’t even tell us you were coming!” He raised his voice, anger burning in his chest. “You owe it to tell people when you’re going to be_ _providing them with_ _“protection”_ _so they know_ _who you_ _are_ _a_ _nd that you_ _can_ _be_ _trusted!”_

 

“ _Well,” Potter said, looking slightly ashamed. “I didn’t want to do that, because I knew you’d react like this. They didn’t care enough to tell me no.”_

 

 _Draco shook his head. “Of course,” he said. “Once again the golden boy i_ _s_ _excused from following protocol. What a fucking surprise!”_

 

“ _It was_ _n’t_ _like that,” he protested. “Like I said, they just didn’t care enough to say no.”_

 

“ _How convenient for you,” Draco spat._

 

“ _I am sorry, you know,” Draco finally gritted out, trying to sound sincere. Potter snorted._

 

“ _For what, exactly?” His eyes narrowed. “For putting me and my friends through years of physical and_ _psychological_ _abuse on a daily bases? For_ _taking the mark and becoming a Death Eater? For letting them in to Hogwarts?_ _For trying to hand me over to Voldemort?_ _Or for fighting on the losing side of the war?”_

 

 _D_ _raco didn’t falter as he stared down the auror. “I’m not sorry for doing what I had to in order to keep my family alive,” he said in a clear and stern voice. “But everything else, how I acted and how I treat you through the years._ _I regret that I couldn’t do more to help-”_

 

“ _Bullshit,” Potter shot. “There was so much you could’ve done.”_

 

“ _Not without putting my family at risk.,” he bit out. Potter stared at him before his gaze fell to the floor._

 

“ _He offered you protection,” Potter finally spoke and Draco froze. “He told you that we would protect you, if you chose to join the Order.”_

 

_Draco swallowed._

 

“ _You lowered your wand.”_

 

 _He took a step back, staring at Potter with wide-eyes. “Of course,” he whispered. “Of course you were there, hiding under your stupid fucking cloak._ _._ _” He shook his head._

 

“ _You could’ve-”_

 

“ _I couldn’t do shit, Potter! You know that!”_

 

_He fell quiet._

 

“ _The minute Dumbledore’s body hit the ground me and my family were doomed.”_ _He swallowed. “Everyone thought I had killed him. The best I could do was return to the Dark Lord and accept the reward_ _for_ _carrying out my mission_ _-he spared my family.”_

 

“ _I could have-”_

 

“ _Enough!” He finally snapped. Potter’s mouth slammed shut and he stared at Draco, eyes wide. “It’s not your fucking place to save me!” Potter rolled his eyes at him._

 

“ _I was never trying to save you, Malfoy,” he snapped with a scrunched up expression on his face. “I was trying to stop a war.”_

 

“ _And I was trying to keep my family alive!”Potter flinched when Draco raised his voice at him._

 

“ _You could have kept your family alive and joined us,” Potter argued. “It would have been easy to turn you_ _to our side_ _, if I had been there for you at the right time.” He started walking towards Draco. “_ _You always were the weak link,” his voice dropped and Draco swallowed as Potter got closer and closer to him._

 

“ _Everyone knew it. Dumbledore, Snape, even Voldemort himself knew you weren’t with him whole-heartedly.”_

 

“ _Don’t mistake my loyalty for weakness, Potter,” Draco grumbled in a low and threatening voice. “My loyalty was never with the Dark Lord. It was and still is with my family. That will never change.”_

 

“ _So what happened when you weren’t loyal?”_

 

 _Draco’s eyes snapped up and he met Potter’s intense gaze. “What happened when it came out Snape was actually the one who killed Dumbledore,_ _because you couldn’t_ _? When you refused to identify me?”_

 

 _Draco’s eyes fell away, landing on the ground just in front of Potter’s feet. “I never claimed to go unpunished for that,” he mumbled, still avoiding looking at the other man._ _“As long as my parent’s didn’t have to pay for my mistakes I didn’t care. I just wanted them safe.”_

 

“ _Mistakes?” Potter repeated, earning a groan from Draco as he buried his face in his hands, rubbing them up and down in frustration._

 

“ _You know what I mean,” he snapped. “Why does this even matter?” Suddenly Draco looked old and tired._

 

“ _The war is over,” he continued in a low voice. “There is no use in drowning ourself in the what-ifs._ _Why are you even bringing this up?”_

 

 _Potter eyes closed and he let out a deep sigh. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled, running a hand through the mess that was called his hair. “You’re right. I’m not being professional here at all,” he let out a_ _humourless_ _chuckle._ _For a second Draco allowed himself to give the saviour the_ _tiniest_ _hint of a smile._

 

“ _I think you threw professionalism out the window the minute you took this job,” he mused and Potter studied him for a second before giving him a lopsided smile._

 

“ _You’re probably right,” he admitted, a small blush tainting his dark cheeks._

 

“ _I usually am,” he said and hid a self-satisfied grin when Potter laughed softly._

 

“ _I guess I wanted to try to find some common ground. Find a way for us to at least tolerate each other presence.”_

 

“ _I tolerate your presence,” Draco mumbled. “I don’t like it, but I think I can bear through it.” Potter snorted at him._

 

“ _You’re a terrible liar,” he said and Draco frowned._

 

“ _I lied to myself for years, so I know for a fact that’s not true.” He felt his face heat up when another laugh made it out from Potter’s mouth. Their eyes met and for the first time in his life it felt like Potter saw him. Actually saw him._

 

“ _Did you always have a sense of humour?” He asked with an amused smirk and Draco raised an eyebrow at him._

 

“ _That’s what it’s called?” He asked and Potter bit his lip as he fought down the smile that was creeping up on his face. “I just pegged it as another way of coping with trauma of war.” Potter_ _pursed his lips, amusement still twinkling in his eyes._

 

“ _That’s one way of coping, I guess.”_

 

 _A moment of_ _silence_ _dragged by. Both men actively avoiding look at each other as the seconds ticked away._

 

“ _We do have one, pretty big thing in common,” Draco finally said and Potter raised an eyebrow at him. “The war.”_

 

_Potter bit his bottom lip, looking hesitant._

 

“ _Not a lot of people can say they had to fight in a war as teenagers,” Draco co_ _ntinued_ _. “_ _So, I’d say that’s some big common ground we fucking got.”_

 

 _P_ _otter snorted. “That’s true. While normal teenagers were teaching themselves to wank properly we spent our time teaching ourselves how to kill people,” he looked slightly shocked when it was Draco’s turn to laugh._

 

“ _Nothing like a good wank with the Dark Lord under the same roof,” he snorted and Potter let out another chuckle while looking disgusted at the very thought._

 

“ _You’re gross,” he said and Draco stuck his tongue out him. “I thought you said we weren’t talking about the war.” Draco pressed his lips together._

 

“ _We can talk about it without mentioning sides or what could and could not have been done. Like I said, no point in falling down that hole. That doesn’t mean we can’t talk about it at all.”_ _Potter nodded slowly._

 

“ _I think there’s more than_ _just the war,_ _” he suddenly said and Draco looked over at him with a questioning look. “Hermione_ _once_ _said you and I were like two sides of a coin. Two people, groomed and steered by the people who were supposed to love and protect them. A perfect example of what the other one could’ve been.”_

 

“ _You think I could’ve been the great saviour?” The sarcasm_ _in his_ _voice_ _was detectable, but Potter made no attempts to acknowledge it._

 

“ _I think she’s right,” he just said, watching as Draco seemed to falter. “We both did what we had to do in order to protect our loved ones._ _We fought on different sides, sure, but our end game were the same._ _”_

 

“ _World domination?”_

 

_Potter rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean.”_

 

 _Draco staring at the ground by no_ _w, looking torn as part of him wanted Potter to shut his damn trap and the other one didn’t._

 

“ _What I’m trying to say,” Potter finally pressed out. “Is that we’re not that different. Had I chosen another path I could have ended up like you and had you chosen differently you could have ended up like me.”_

 

_Draco pursed his lips. “It doesn’t matter,” he mumbled in a sour tone. “Like I said, no more dwelling on what could have been. There’s no changing that.”_

 

“ _I know,” Potter said and Draco noticed how he sounded slightly more sincere as he spoke. “I guess I’m just happy?” He_ _scratched_ _his chin and chuckled when he saw the baffled expression on Draco’s face._

 

“ _Happy?” He_ _repeated_ _and Potter shrugged, a hint of a smile still lingering on his lips._

 

“ _After_ _everything_ _you went through you still turned around and became quite the decent bloke to be around,”_ _he smirked at Draco who turned away his gaze quickly, not sure how to handle the sudden compliment._

 

“ _Potter, not half an hour ago you told me how much you hated me. Why the sudden change?”_

 

 _Potter nodded slowly. “Tr_ _ue_ _, but the fact of the matter is we would never have been able to talk like this when we went to Hogwarts without antagonising each other to the poi_ _n_ _t where someone got beat up.”_

 

 _Draco hummed_ _and Potter gave him a small smile before taking a deep breath._

 

“ _That’s not all, though,” he said and Draco raised a questioning eyebrow at him. Potter wet his lips before speaking again. “I’ve seen what you’ve done throughout the years. The fundraisers, participating in the auctions to help raise money to better the education on muggle culture at Wizard schools._ _I’m impressed, even though a part of me still thinks you have ulterior motives.”_

 

_Draco snorted at that and Potter scratched the back of his head, looking slightly embarrassed._

 

“ _You know, Potter,” he said with a small smirk on his lips. “It really wouldn’t hurt you to get your self-righteous head out of your ass and stop thinking that just because you stopped maturing at the age of sixteen_ _it_ _doesn’t mean everyone else did as well.”_

 

“ _Meaning?” Potter asked with frown. He didn’t look as offended as Draco had expected him to._

 

“ _Meaning people are fully capable of changing, including me.”_

 

_Potter said nothing as his eyes studied him and Draco tried not to squirm under the heat of his gaze._

 

“ _You’re right,” he said after a while and Draco looked at him in surprise. “I should at least give you the benefit of a doubt.”_

 

_Draco nodded, slightly dumb-struck at the other man’s admission. “Right,” he mumbled._

 

“ _Well,” Potter said after a while. “I should probably get going.” Draco nodded and Potter turned on his heels._

 

“ _Potter!” Draco called before the other man was out of ear shot. He turned around and gave Draco a curious look. He hesitated before speaking again. “_ _For what it’s worth I don’t hate you.” Potter gave him surprised look._

 

“ _No?”_

 

_Draco shook his head. “This animosity between us developed when we were kids. As grown ups I think we could move past it. Don’t you?” Potter said nothing for a while, then nodded slowly. He was just about to walk away when Draco opened his mouth again._

 

“ _Another thing,” he said and Potter raised an eyebrow at him. “_ _I think it’s in everyone’s best interest if we forget this ever happened.”_

 

_For a second Draco thought he saw a look of disappointment flash over his face before turning to a stony expression as he nodded. He turned back around and started walking again. Draco watched him until his was out of sight. He leaned back on the rail and rubbed his forehead as he emitted a heavy sigh. The sound of several steps approaching him caused him to look up and he was greeted by the sight of Blaise and Pansy as they walked over to him. Both wore a displeased expression on their faces and Draco suffocated a groan as he was fully aware of what was about to happen next._

 

“ _Since when are you and Potter_ _so chummy with each other?” He snarled and Pansy snorted beside him._

 

“ _Are you really surprised?” She drawled. “H_ _e’_ _s been jacking off to Potter since he first laid eyes on him.”_ _Blaise snorted at that and Draco rolled his eyes._

 

“ _Fuck off, Pansy,” he groaned and she narrowed her eyes at him._

 

“ _Aw, hit a sore spot now, did I?” She mocked and Draco pressed his lips into a thin line._

 

“ _Not even close,” he grumbled and Pansy leered at him._

 

“ _Whatever,” she huffed. “You still haven’t answered the question. Why were talking to him?”_

 

“ _He was here on a job,” he said with a shrug. Blasie and Pansy exchanged looks, neither one of them looked very convinced._

 

“ _Still doesn’t explain why you were talking to him,” Blaise pointed out in a flat voice and Draco sighed._

 

“ _There’s nothing wrong with trying to be civil to people you went to school with,” he mumbled and both of his friends shook their heads at him._

 

“ _Really?” Blaise snapped. “After everything that’s happened you’re just going to act like nothing the second you run into_ _anyone from their merry band_ _of blood_ _traitors_ _and mudblood_ _s_ _” He was sneering at Draco, who in turn stared at him with a blank expression before he sighed._

 

“ _I really wished you hadn’t said that,” he mumbled and before anyone could blink Blaise found himself on the ground with a bloody nose._ _He ignored Pansy as she was shouting at him and without look back he left them._

 

 

 

_***_

 

 

Ron came out after about 15 minutes. Draco’s heart had stopped for three full minutes before they managed to get it beating again. They had waited for him to be stable and to make sure his heart was beating steadily again. Everyone flew up from their seat the minute he came into sight.

“How is he?” They asked in choir. Ron gave sighed deeply before nodding heavily.

“He’s stable for now,” he said. “But he has a pretty high fever at the moment. I think he might have caught the pure-blood virus.” Astoria immediately turned to Narcissa with big eyes.

“He didn’t get vaccinated?” She snapped. “Oh Merlin, don’t tell me you’re one of those anti-vaxxers!” At that Narcissa huffed.

“Of course not!” She said and crossed her arms over her chest. “I had no idea he didn’t get vaccinated. Had I known I would’ve done it personally!” Ron frowned.

“That is not something I would recommend,” he said and they both turned to him, shaking their heads.

“Is he going to be okay?” Ginny asked anxiously, eyes red and cheeks wet from crying. Ron looked at here with hesitation before emitting a heavy sigh.

“He’s stable now, like I said,” he look concerned. “But at this point I think we have to prepare ourselves for the worse.” Ginny covered her mouth with her hands and let out a chocked sob and Hermione pulled her into a hug. Harry felt completely numb at this point, his mind blank and heart aching. He couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that they had almost lost Draco, that he had almost lost Draco. He buried his face in his head. He felt close to being sick at this point.

Someone took a seat next to him and put an arm around his shoulder. He looked up and to his surprise it was Narcissa. She looked at him, tears in her eyes.

“He’s going to be okay,” she whispered. “He’s going to live a long life and he’s going to be happy, with you right by his side.” Harry wanted to believe that so badly it hurt. But at this point everything felt hopeless and unsure.

“He cares about you, so much,” she continued, voice low enough for only him to hear. “You’ve been good to him. I just hope he lives long enough to return the kindness you’ve shown him.” Harry gave her a small smile.

“He already has,” he whispered and Narcissa smiled at that, the sadness remained in her eyes.

“How long does he have left?” Hermione asked in a low voice. This was the first time she had spoken since they got there.

“Don’t say that!” Astoria snapped at her, glaring daggers. Hermione flinched at her tone.

“I’m sorry,” she whimpered. “But at this point we have to realistic!” Astoria said nothing and instead turned away, wiping away the tears on her cheeks in an aggressive manner.

“There’s noway of knowing,” Ron said heavy-hearted. “Weeks, days, we really can’t tell. All we know at this point is that if his heart stops one more time we might not be able to resurrect him.”

Everyone let out a shaky breath at that, looking completely hopeless and in despair. Suddenly Ginny turned to Ron.

“There’s a potion!” She said in a hopeful voice. “You have a cure, can’t you use that?” Ron looked at her with hesitation written all over his face.

“It’s risky,” he said after a while. “And his body might not be able to pick it up heal him.”

“I don’t care,” Astoria intervened. “Either he dies from starvation or he dies from the virus. This is the best alternative we got.” Ron still looked troubled.

“Are you sure?” He asked and Astoria nodded violently. He turned to Narcissa who bit her lower lip before nodding.

“If there is even a one percent chance that he’ll survive, I’ll take it.”

Ron sighed in defeat. “Okay then,” he said with a nod. “I’ll need you to sign some papers.” Narcissa looked up at him suspiciously.

“What sort of papers?” She asked.

“Documents that will clear the hospital of any liability if he dies.”

Narcissa closed her eyes, looking pained for a moment before she opened them and stared right at him.

“Do it.”

 _I_ _X_

 

“ _You should tell him,” Ginerva said in a soft voice. Draco raised an eyebrow at her, waiting for her to_ _clarify._ _She rolled her eyes at him. “You know what I mean.”_

 

“ _I don’t,” he said and looked away. That, of course was a lie._

 

“ _Come on,” she urged. “Honestly, what’s the harm?” Draco sneaked a glance at her before sighing._

 

“ _There’s really no point to it, is there?” He said in a bitter tone. “I’m dying, so it’s not like it matters._ _I mean if he doesn’t feel the same, fine. That’s that. But if he does-”_

 

“ _Wouldn’t that be enough of a reason for you to get better?”_

 

_Draco rolled his eyes at her. “Really?” he said and gave her a disbelieving look. “You really think it’s possible for someone to recover for the sake of someone else?”_

 

_A bright red blush stained her freckled cheeks and she looked away. “No,” she mumbled. “I just thought-”_

 

“ _Leave it, Weaslette,” he interrupted in a clipped voice._

 

“ _I just think you’re making a big mistake,” she mumbled. “But hey, it’s your mistake to make.”_

 

“ _Exactly,” he replied in a stern voice. “Like I was saying, even if he did feel the same it doesn’t matter. I’m dying, Ginerva, in case you haven’t noticed. I would only end up hurting him even more.”_

 

“ _He already likes you,” she mumbled. “So weather your planning on telling him or not doesn’t matter. He will be hurt no matter what. You’re important to him.”_

 

_Draco just shook his head. “He will get over it, sooner or later. Everyone does. Sure it hurts for a moment, but eventually they will forget and move on. That’s just life.”_

 

_Ginny looked furious at that. “You honestly think anyone of us would get over it if you died?” She snapped. “Would you get over it if someone you cared about died? If I died?”_

 

“ _Honestly, yes,” he said in a cold voice. “It’s going to take time, but life will get in the way sooner or later. One day you’ll just go through your average day only to realise that you haven’t thought about this person all day. That will continue and soon you won’t think about it at all!”_

 

“ _Your a stupid fucking git,” she growled. “I would be so fucking broken if you died. I would visit your grave every day. Most of all I would never forgive you for leaving me!”_

 

_Draco sighed deeply as he buried his face in his hand before reaching out and grabbing her hand, pulling her down to sit on his lap. He stroke her affectionately and she looked at him with a mix of sadness and anger painted on her face._

 

“ _I’ll never leave you, Weaslette,” he whispered. “No matter what happens I will always be with you.”_

 

“ _You better be,” she mumbled and Draco smiled at her before planting a hand on the back of her head a pulled her closer as he pressed his lips against her forehead._

 

“ _I promise.”_

 

_***_

 

Thankfully, his body was able to pick up the healing potion and his fever soon went down. As he woke up he was still exhausted and even though he was no longer at risk of dying from a virus, his eating disorder still remaind and that alone would eventually kill him.

He wasn’t allowed to have any visitor for almost a week and this put Draco on edge. He was getting tired of only having Weasley for company. He didn’t mind it, but it was starting to get annoying. He was the doctor assigned to care for him after all, which made him the mom-friend. He was always fussing and nagging and it was driving him absolutely nuts.

“I swear to Morgana, Weasley!” Draco snapped and nearly threw the bowl of soup at him.

“I will force-feed you if I have to!” Weasley growled. “Eat the fucking soup!” Draco frowned at him

“Well that’s hardly an appropriate word for a doctor to use,” he said in an offended voice and Ron groaned.

“I swear to Merlin, Morgana and all of Arthur’s knights, I will open your mouth and pour the fucking soup down your throat if you don’t eat it!”

“It tastes like sand!” Draco complained and Weasley gave him a death glare.

“I don’t care if the soup taste like fucking cat turd, you will eat!”

“Well, thank you!” Draco growled and threw his arms up in the air in a dramatic manner. “Now I lost my apatite!”

“I am truly three seconds from strangling you,” Weasley said and shook his head.

“You know what, fine!” Draco snapped and before Weasley could blink Draco had picked up the bowl and was gulping down the broth. Weasley had never seen someone drink so aggressively.

“There!” He said in a bitter voice and slammed down the bowl when he was finished. Ron gave him a satisfied nod.

“Good.” Draco was still glaring at him and Weasley had to give him an amused smirk. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?” Draco huffed.

“It tasted awful,” he mumbled in grumpy voice. “I hope the lunch will be more edible than this shit.”

Weasley said nothing for a while, he studied him intensely and Draco squirmed under his gaze.

“What?” He finally snapped and Weasley shook his head.

“I just don’t get it.,” he said. “My sister, Harry, hell even my family likes you! I mean, I don’t mind you, but you’re a fucking pain in the arse sometimes.” Draco shrugged at him.

“Guess that’s just part of my charm,” he said and Weasley snorted at that.

“Harry always was obsessed with you.” he mumbled while tilting he’s head. “Still, this was the last thing I expected from him.” Draco frowned and looked at him cautiously.

“What?” He asked and Weasley looked at him with a smirk.

“Dude, how oblivious can you get?” He said with amusement in his voice. “He’s fucking arse over tits for you.” Draco stared at him bewildered.

“He’s not,” he said doubtfully and Weasley actually had the audacity to laugh at him.

“Seriously, are you that dense?” He chuckled and Draco looked at him offended. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him like this, with anyone. Not even Ginny made him this happy.” Draco didn’t know what to say. A part of him knew that Potter cared, he just didn’t realise how much.

“You’re not just pulling my leg here?”

“Seriously,” Weasley said with certainty. “It’s a mystery and I don’t get it, but he cares.”

Draco had to fight down the smile that threatened to adore his face. Weasley sighed and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Why can’t you get better?” He asked and he looked at Weasley with a stunned expression.

“It’s complicated,” he mumbled.

“It’s not that complicated,” Weasley muttered. “Either you eat or you don’t.”

“Bravo,” Draco said, clapping his hands and his voice dripping with sarcasm. “You have officially cured every eating disorder!”

Weasley rolled his eyes before giving him a stern look. “I just don’t understand why they...Why we aren’t enough for you to get better.” Draco looked away and pursed his lips.

“Not like you’d ever understand,” he said, looking a bit grumpy. “If it were that easy I would have been better a long while ago. But its’ not. It’s a struggle and I’m tired of fighting it.”

Ron sighed. “I might not get it,” he said in a low voice. “But Ginny does. She’s been doing great, she had a bit of struggle with all this happening,” he gestured towards Draco. “But she fights it, because she wants to live. So why don’t you?” Draco bit his lower lip and once again he couldn’t look at Weasley.

“I guess I just don’t feel like I deserve it,” he admitted after a while with a low voice.

“Dude,” Weasley said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I don’t know what to say to that. What I do know though, is that you deserve live. You deserve to be happy and so does Harry. He’s not happy now.”

Draco finally dared to look at him, eyes slight wide. “Why do you say that?” he asked. “Of all people I really though you'd be the one to tell me I don’t deserve it.”

“I’m not that heartless,” Weasley huffed. “I know my brothers can be difficult but the war is long over. As far as I can tell you’ve done your part to deserve forgiveness.” Draco was far beyond to surprised by his words. “You shouldn’t look so chocked over that,” he continued in an offended voice.

“You’ve been a decent bloke for a few years now,” he continued. “I mean, at first I thought all the fundraisers were just for publicity, but you have made a difference for a lot of muggle-borns and half-bloods. You’ve changed the school system and the teachers are more informed thanks to you. They teach kids about muggle history now and that’s a huge step forward to ailenate the prejudice a lot of pure-bloods have. They are more accepting because of what you’ve done.”

Draco was silent as he he dared to glance over at Weasley. He knew he had made a bit changed with all that’s been done, still. He felt like he was given more credit than what he deserved.

“You really thing I’ve made a difference?” He asked with a frown and Weasley gave him a tiny smile.

“I know you have,” said in a certain voice. Draco fidgeted his hands, picking at the cover with a thoughtful expression.

“I mean, I guess I know that I’ve changed some things,” he mumbled. “But I hardly deserve all the credit.”

“Still, you deserve a lot of it,” he said half a nod. “It’s impressive and a part of actually do admire you. It feels weird saying that after everything that has happened between us. But that's the truth.”

Draco fidgeted uncomfortably before sighing

“You know,” he began in a stiff and forced voice. “For what its worth-I am sorry, about everything.” Ron smirked at him, looking almost amused.

“That’s unusual, coming form you,” he said. “But yeah, I might not be able to forgive and forget yet, but I do accept your apology. Mostly for Harry’s sake.” Draco nodded slowly.

“I can accept that.” he mumbled. “I was a right prick at school.” Ron snorted at him.

“That’s one way to put it.” He smirked at him. “But, yeah, do recognise that you have changed. That’s a hard thing to do.”

Draco sighed. “It was hard, admitting that I’ve been wrong all this time,” he looked down on his hands. “Most of my opinions came from my father. It wasn't the easiest thing to do, realising he’s been wrong all this time and for a long time I was angry at him.” He let out a humour chuckle. “I used to provoke him by bringing home muggle things and tell him about their culture.”

Ron laughed at that. “He wasn't very amused at that, I take it?” Draco smiled at him while shaking him heads.

“Every time I did so I though he was going to explode from rage.”

“I can only imagine,” he chuckled and leaned back against the wall.

“I keep thinking if he was alive he’d be furious at me by now. He’d probably say something like “Get over it!” and slap some sense into me.”

“I could do it instead,” Weasley said with a teasing smile.

“Go right ahead,” Draco chuckled. “Maybe it’ll work, who knows?” Weasley shook his head with slight amusement.

“I don’t think Harry would be too amused about that.” His face suddenly turned serious. “You’re important to him, Merlin knows why and how that happened, but you are.” Draco sighed and rubbed his forehead.

“Your guess is as good as mine,” he mumbled. “He has no reason to, yet he’s stupid enough to get close to me. I never wanted that to happened.” He sounded bitter and ran a hand through his his thin hair. He felt like he was going bald at this point. “I’d be easier he wasn’t. That way I could die in peace.” Weasley looked at him with a frown.

“None of us wants you to die, Malfoy,” he said with a sigh. “I wish you’d realise that at some point.” He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “You didn’t see everyone’s faces when your heart stopped. Honestly, I never want to see anyone I love look that broken again and all can imagine is how broken they’d be again if you died.”

“I don’t want that,” Draco mumbled. “But at this point it’s inevitable.”

“It’s not though,” Ron argued. “I’ve seen so much worse, there’s still hope for you.”

Draco sighed heavily. “Is there though? I feel like nothing matters anymore.” Ron swallowed and looked away. “I’m scared,” Draco finally admitted.

“Of what?” Weasley asked, browes furrowed.

“The minute I get better everyone’s going to stop caring. They only care because I’m sick. After that...” He went silent while Weasley gave him a blank stare.

“I could punch you for even saying that,” he growled. “That’s the biggest pile of Hippogriff shit I’ve ever heard.” Draco looked at him before staring at the wall.

“Is it, though?” he mumbled. “They didn’t care until I got sick. They have no reason to stay if I get better.” Weasley closed his eyes and rubbed his face.

“You’re a dense fucking git,” he growled. “You are truly and absolutely hopeless!” He looked upset at this point. “Ginny has been crying everyday because all she wants is for you to get better! Harry’s been a fucking zombie, just walking around and barely eating! If you think for one second that they don’t care about you really don’t know them all at!”

“Maybe I don’t,” he mumbled and Ron sighed.

“They care, so much. If that’s not enough for you to fight, then what is?”

 

***

 

Draco Malfoy was a selfish bastard. He knew that. He had always known that. So when he asked to see his family and his friends one last time-because if he was being realistic he wouldn’t make it for another few days-he knew it would pain them. He still wanted to see them, no matter how painful it was for them. Ginny was crying her eyes out out both from anger and grief.

“How could you do this to us?” she sobbed. “You promised! You promised you would never leave me!” She looked at him and violently wiped away the tears on her cheeks.

“I won’t,” he said in weak voice. “I’ll always be in your heart.”

“But I don’t want you in my heart!” She nearly screamed. “I want you here! I want you in my life!”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered and Ginny shook her head, giving him a cold look.

“I will never forgive you,” she said in a stern voice. “I told you that and still you went and did this! I fucking hate you, Draco Malfoy. I fucking hate you!”

“You have all the right to hate me,” he said and reached out to grab her hand, but she pulled it away aggressively.

“Don’t touch me!” She snapped. “I can’t believe you’d do something like this!” Just like that she turned on her heels and stormed out of there, Hermione and Ron followed closely behind to comfort him. Just like that it was only him and Potter.

“Listen-” Potter began but Draco cut him off.

“I got something for you,” he said in a low voice. Potter gave him a curious look and Draco suddenly pulled out what looked like a wooden box from what seemed liked out of nowhere. “Open it,” he urged as he gave it to him and Potter obeyed.

Inside where nine viles with what looked like some kind of liquid in them. He frowned. “What is this?” He asked with a looked of confusion on his face.

Draco raised an eyebrow at him. “You know what a Pensive is, right?” He asked and Harry gave him a slow nod. “Use it.” He just said and Potter just kept staring at him.

“But,” Draco added. “Not until I’m dead.” Harry closed his eyes in a pained expression.

“Fine,” he whispered. “But that’s just going to make it more painful you know?” Draco looked at him hesitating before giving a small shrug.

“It’ll get easier, with time,” he said in a soft voice. Harry looked at him, despair written all over his face.

“I’m just..” He took a deep breath. “I feel so sad,” he began and Draco’s heart broke a bit as he heard his voice crack. “And so depressed and I am so scared.” His voice went from said to desperate. Draco closed as eyes and took a deep breath.

“Whatever happens, whenever it happens,” he began. “I just want you to know that I appreciate your friendship greatly and what you’ve done for me over these past months. Just the fact that you gave me and chance is so unbelievable to me. I never deserved it, yet you gave me everything I needed and you were always there for me when I needed it the most. So thank you, Harry, thank you so much.” He was as sincere as he could get and he could tell Potter heard and knew that.

“Draco, I-”

“Don’t,” he whispered. “Whatever you’re about to say-don’t. I couldn't take it.” Potter pressed his lips into a fine line and nodded slowly.

“Okay,” he whispered. He looked over his shoulder and then turned back to Draco. “I need to check on Ginny,” he said quietly and Draco gave him an understanding nod.

“You do that,” he replied and gave him a weak smile. “Hopefully I’m alive when you get back here.”

“You better be,” Potter whispered and then leaned in to give Draco a peck on cheek, causing him to turn bright red.

“I’ll see you around,” he whispered and Draco nodded.

“Yeah, I’ll see you around.”

 

***

Daphne was right in front of him, arms crossed over her chest and scolding at him. Draco’s eyes widened.

 

“Am I dead?” He asked and looked around. “Is this heaven? I can’t possibly have gone to heaven, I should be burning in hell.” Daphne rolled her eyes at him.

 

“You’re not dead, you dense broomstick,” she said and Draco frowned at her.

 

“Then what is this?” He asked in confusion and Daphne shrugged.

 

“I don’t know, your subconscious?” She proposed and Draco frowned at her.

 

“And you’re here because…?”

 

Daphne smirked at him. “I’m here to tell you to get your head out of your ass and stop being such a fucking martyr.”

 

“I’m not a martyr,” Draco said offended and Daphne raised an eyebrow at him.

 

“Yeah, you are. That aside though, you broke your promise. You promised both me and Ginerva that you would get better and yet here you are.”

 

Draco just stared at her with wide eyes, still bewildered and confused by the whole situation.

 

“I should’ve made you take an unbreakable vow.” Draco frowned at that.

 

“Well that would have done nothing but killed me quicker,” he said as a matter fact and Daphne shook her head at him.

 

“Any ways,” she said and glared at him. “I’m here to tell you to stop your self-destructive behaviour and to stop putting your life and other people’s hands.” Draco frowned at her and while looking as confused as ever.

 

“When have I ever-”

 

“Oh, please!” She snapped, causing Draco’s mouth to slam shut. “You do it all the time! You look for reasons to live in other people. Before me it was your family, after that it was me and after that Ginerva!” Draco flinched at her tone, unsure of what to say.

 

“You can’t keep doing that,” she continued in a harsh voice. “You can’t put your life in other people’s hands. That is too great of a burden for them to bear!”

 

He was starting to realise that maybe she was right. Maybe he had been doing that for the last years, but not being fully aware of it.

 

“I see your point,” he mumbled. “But I don’t know how else to give my life meaning!” Daphne shook her head as she let out a heavy sigh.

 

“You have to find a meaning within yourself,” she said, voice suddenly soft. “You need to find a reason that isn’t a person. What happens when that person is gone?” She titled her head as she looked at him intensely. Draco swallowed.

 

“How do I do that?” He whispered. Daphne looked at him, almost sympathetic.

 

“I don’t know,” she said honestly. “You need too figure it out for yourself. But Draco, love of my life, you have reasons to live. I know that.” Draco looked at her and shook his head.

 

“It doesn’t feel like it,” he said in a low voice. Daphne walked over to him and put her hands on both sides of his cheek, tilting his head upwards as she forced him to look her in the eyes.

 

“You make a difference in the world,” she said lovingly. “And you will keep doing that, I know it.” Draco ran his tongue over his lips and gave her a sad look.

 

“How do you know that?” He whispered.

 

“I’m your subconscious, love, that means a part of you knows that too.” She moved away a few strands of his hair away from his face with soft fingers. “You will find meaning, you just have to want it.”

 

“And if I don’t want to?” Daphne pursed her lips and let out a sigh.

 

“Then I guess you’ll just have to look harder,” she said. “Right now the only reason for you to live is so you can fight and get better.”

 

“It’s too late for that,” he whispered, but Daphne gave him a smile.

 

“Doll, it’s never too late."

 

***

 

Draco jerked awake and stared wide-eyed at the ceiling. Was Daphne right? Did he have to find meaning in something else? Did he have to fight? Did he deserve to live?

His minds was raising and he brought up his hands to his face and rubbed it violently. He was breathing heavily and slowly sat up in the bed. He swallowed hard and pressed his teeth against against each other. Everything seemed to spinning and he felt a bit ill.

Would he be able to find a reason outside of his family, Daphne and Ginerva? Would he be able to find it for himself? He honestly didn’t know and he really didn’t know if he wanted to or was ready for it. What exactly did he want at this point? Play Quidditch? Get a job? Do politics? Everything seemed so far away and impossible. He’s mind seemed to be turning to jelly as his thoughts moved around like a pixie. Before he could think about it properly the door slammed opened and Potter marched in, going right towards him. Or rather, he was stomping. When he was close enough he grabbed Draco by the shirt and pulled him in for a kiss. Draco’s eyes widened and after a while he found the strength pull away. Potter stared at him, face bright red and Draco planted his fingers over his mouth. A moment of silence dragged by before Draco managed to speak.

“What was that?” He asked slowly and Potter looked at him sheepishly.

“A...Kiss? I think?” Draco just kept staring at him, absolutely bewildered.

“Yeah, no, I get that. Just...Why?”

Potter opened and closed his mouth several times but seemed to be unable to get a single word out. Suddenly realisation dawned on him.

“You watched the memories, didn’t you?” Harry gave him a careful nod and Draco rolled his eyes, he would’ve thrown his arms up in the air if he had been able to.

“Of course you did,” he muttered. “Why would you respect a dying man's wish?”

“I just..” Potter began and took a deep breath before continuing. “I couldn’t let you leave me, without telling you.”

Draco groaned and rubbed his face. “The reason I didn’t tell you is because I didn’t want to hurt you more than necessary.”

“That’s stupid,” Potter whispered, caressing the side of his face. “It would hurt me either way. I don’t want to lose you.” Draco looked hesitant for a moment, tongue running over his lips before speaking.

“I...I don’t want to leave.” He realised that the moment the words he was about to utter would force him to follow through. “I think I want to try. Getting better that is.” Potter’s widened drastically before he face broke into a smile. He seemed to be close to tears. “Don’t cry, you’re probably an ugly crier!” Draco groaned and Potter laughed and pulled him into a hug.

“You have now idea how much this means to me,” he whispered before pulling away with a frown. “You’re not just saying that? You mean it, right?”

Draco looked at him before sighing. “I don’t know,” he said earnestly. “I don’t know what the future holds. What I do know is that I want to try. I want to find my reason to keep living, on my own.”

Potter gave him a slow nod before Draco continued. “What you need to know, Potter, is that I’m not doing it for you. I’m doing it for myself.” For a moment a flash of disaponitment seemed to cross his face, but he still gave him a nod while giving him an understanding smile.

“I get that,” he said and caressed his cheek.

“That means I can’t do this right now,” he continued, looking pained as he said so. “I need to focus on myself right now.” Potter nodded once again, looking at him with so much care in his eyes. It almost pissed Draco off.

“With that said, though,” he said in a hesitant voice. “I would like to have you with me. To support me,” he looked down at his hands as he seemed to blush and he damned Merlin, Morgana and whatever else for that.

“Of course,” Potter said in a soft voice. “I’ll be here every step of the way.”

“When I’m better I would like to explore whatever this is,” he said and gestured vaguely between them and Harry grinned at him. “If you’re willing to wait.”

Potter chuckled at that. “Of course I’ll wait for you,” he promised in a soft voice. “You’re worth it.” Draco groaned.

“Merlin tits, could you be more cliché?”

Harry laughed out loud at that and honestly, it was music to Draco’s ears.

“Get used to it,” he said in a teasing matter and Draco allowed himself to give him a small hint of a smile.

“I think I could I live with it,” he said and before he could really think he grabbed Potter by the shirt and planted a kiss right on his mouth. He could feel Potter smiling into the kiss before reciprocating it, leaning in to it.

“Are you sure about this?” Draco asked in a whisper.

“I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life,” Harry replied softly.

“The Prophet will have a field trip,” he muttered and Harry smiled, pressing his forehead against Draco’s.

“Let them,” he mumbled.

“You friends...”

“They’ll get used to it.”

“Everyone is going to lose their heads,” he said almost out of breath and he felt Harry take his hand into his own.

“I don’t care.”

And honestly, neither did he.

After all, Draco Malfoy was a selfish bastard.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess what ya thirsty bitches?? epilogue will be coming soon so yah.
> 
> Hope you liked this and if you up for it pls leave a kudos, or comment or whatever <3 it truly makes my day and gives my life meaning lmao<3333 thank u for stickning by and i hope u'll be around for the end end!!!  
> See ya!!!


	4. The End Note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tired editing it and I just recently got a beta so future fics should be better..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here is the end no one asked for.  
> Edit: how did all of ya'll stand this shit with all the spelling errors like wtf??? Bit yeah edited now and hopefully I've corrected most of it.

End Note

 

“So,” Harry said with a grin as he slung his arms around Draco’s shoulders from behind, reaching down to help him with his tie. Even as they were standing like this Draco would never in his life admit that Harry was taller than him. “The big 3 0. Are you excited?” Draco groaned in response and Harry chuckled at him.

 

“Do I have to go?” he asked bitterly and Harry smiled as their eyes met in the reflection of the mirror in front of them.

 

“It would be kind of weird if you didn’t show up to your own birthday party,” he pointed out and Draco rolled his eyes.

 

“I never asked for a party,” he mumbled. Harry kissed him softly on the back of his neck and Draco shivered at the touch.

 

“I know,” Harry said softly. “She really wanted to do this for you, it means a lot to her.”

 

“I think she’s more excited about my birthday than I have ever been,” he mumbled and straightened his tie before turning around. “How do I look?”

 

“Like a thousand galleons,” Harry replied with a soft smile. Draco snorted at him.

 

“Don’t sell me short, Potter,” he said with a frown and Harry laughed, wrapping his arms around his waist.

 

“Fine,” he said with an amused smirk. “You look beautiful.” Draco snorted at him.

 

“I’m not beautiful, Potter. Excruciatingly handsome, sure. Infuriatingly sexy, absolutely.” Harry poked his side playfully and Draco made a dissatisfied noise as he jerked away at the ticklish feeling.

 

“Don’t push it,” Harry said in a warning tone, still smiling at him teasingly.

 

“I’m not, I’m just asking for the praise I know I deserve.” Harry hummed while smirking at him in amusement.

 

“Modesty really isn’t a part of your vocabulary, is it?” he said and chuckled when Draco frowned at him.

 

“Of course not,” he huffed. “Why should I be modest? I’m a fucking catch and I’m planing on flaunting it.”

 

“Of course you are,” Harry snorted and Draco gave him a sweet smile.

 

“So, what did you get me?” Harry raised an eyebrow at him. “For my birthday,” he clarified. Harry smirked at him and said noting. Draco narrowed his eyes.

 

“If you say “my dick” I’m dumping your arse,” he said in a dark tone and Harry laughed out loud at that.

 

“Well, if you ask nicely,” he said with a teasing smile as bopped Draco’s nose, earning another glare for him. “I’ll give it you later,” he promised and Draco mumbled something under his breath that sounded like “You better, you tosser.” Harry gave him a smile before glancing at the clock.

 

“When do we have to leave?” Draco asked as he saw Harry studied the clock on the wall behind him.

 

“Not for another twenty minutes,” he replied and suddenly a mischievous smirk decorated his face. “So we do have time for a quickie.” Draco stared at him, looking bewildered before groaning.

 

“Don’t be nasty,” he said in an accusing tone. Harry frowned.

 

“There is nothing nasty about wanting to do the frickle-frackel with my boyfriend,” he said in defensive tone and Draco stared at him with a blank expression.

 

“Did you just refer to fucking as frickle-frackel?” Harry gave him a smile and Draco shook his head. “I can’t believe I had crush on you all through our years at Hogwarts,” he mumbled and Harry smiled widely at him.

 

“Aw, you had a crush on me? He asked while he tilted his head and gave him a teasing smile. “That’s embarrassing.” Draco stared at him.

 

“Potter, We’ve been together for two years.”

 

“Still.”

 

“You’re an idiot.”

 

“Yet here we are,” Harry said with a smug look on his face. Draco studied his face before sighing.

 

“Here we are,” he said in a defeated tone.

 

“So no birthday sex then, I take it?” Draco frowned at him before groaning.

 

“Fine he snapped. “But make it quick.”

 

“I’ll try,” Harry promised. “But you know with my stamina-”

 

“Shut the fuck up, Potter,” he groaned as he pushed his laughing boyfriend on to the bed.

 

 

***

 

“Why do you have bedhead?” Was the first thing Ron asked when they arrived at the Burrow. As soon as the question left his mouth his eyes widened in realisation. “Oh. Oh! That’s fucking nasty, mate!” He hissed and Harry laughed while Draco’s face turned the brightest shade of red. Hermione brought a hand up to her face, trying to hide her smile as she covered her mouth

 

“There is nothing wrong with wanting to get fucked by my boyfriend on his birthday,” he said in a matter of fact tone as he slung his arm around Draco’s shoulder. Draco in turned groaned as he hid his face in his hands. Ron frowned.

 

“Huh,” he mumbled surprised. “I always took you for a top.”

 

Harry shrugged. “I’m versatile.” Ron groaned.

 

“Never mind, I don’t want to get in to this,” he said and Harry laughed.

 

“You’re the one who brought it up,” he pointed out.

 

“And I already regret that,” he mumbled.

 

“I’m with Weasley this time,” Draco mumbled, face still red. “Can we not talk about this.”

 

Harry looked at him with an offensive expression. “Are you ashamed of me?” He gasped and clutched his chest. “I’m hurt.” Draco raised an eyebrow.

 

“Wounded, even?” he asked sarcastically.

 

“Hurt, Malfoy,” he said and Draco smacked his shoulder.

 

“You’ve been together for two years now. When will you drop the last name thing you two have going on?”

 

They turned around to see Ginny standing behind them, arms crossed over her chest as she smirked at them in amusement. Draco smiled softly at her.

 

“Well, well. Don’t you look dashing,” he said and walked over to her and grabbed her hand to twirl her sound. She giggled and Draco grinned at her. Ron frowned at him.

 

“Stopping hitting on my sister,” he said and Draco stuck out his tongue at him.

 

“Never,” he said and Ginny laughed as she hugged him.

 

“Happy birthday,” she said in silk voice and Draco leaned into kiss her cheek. She smiled at him, delightfully so, before turning to Harry and embracing him.

 

When they let go of each other Hermione hugged her as well, followed by Ron who put his arm around her waist and pulled her into a some kind of half-hug.

 

“She does have a point,” Hermione pointed out, causing everyone to look at her in confusion. “When are you going to stop calling each other by your last names?”

 

“It’s a very intimate thing,” Harry said in a serious tone. “That’s we why we save it for the bedroom.” He laughed when Ron, once again, goaned at him.

 

“What is it with you and bringing up your sex life?” He asked in a desperate tone.

 

“Probably because it’s the first time he’s had one,” Draco said in bored voice, causing Harry to gasp dramatically and Ron to almost dubble over with laughter.

 

“You,” he gasped, pointing at Draco. “I like you.” Draco raised an eyebrow.

 

“I don’t dislike you as much as I could’ve,” he replied with a smirk and Ron snorted at that as he shook his head in amusment.

 

“I guess that’s as close to a compliments as I’ll ever get from you?” He said as he took a sip from his drink and Draco shrugged.

 

“I promise to confess my undying love to you when I’m ready,” he said and winked, causing Ron to choke on his drink and Harry to look at him, clearly offended.

 

“And when are you going to confess your undying love to me?” He said, sounding upset, though Draco knew he was just being dramatic for comedic effect.

 

“It’s not like you’ve confessed to me,” he countered and Harry huffed.

 

“Fine, I-”

 

Draco put his fingers in his ears and started singing “ALA-LA-LA-LA!” Before walking away in a hasty pace. Harry was laughing but everyone else stared in bewilderness and confusion as the other man disappeared from their sight.

 

“What was that?” Ron asked slowly, eyes wide as he stared at the spot where Draco had just been standing. He looked up to see his friend shrug, still smiling.

 

“He’s not really ready for that mushy stuff yet,” he explained. None of his friends seemed any wiser at that.

 

“It’s been two years,” Ginny commented with a frown.

 

“Yeah, but it’s a big deal for him,” he said and scratched the back of his head. “He is a Malfoy after all.” Everyone let out an understanding hum while they mumbled “True, true,” as they nodded.

 

“It took Luna three weeks to say it and I was so shocked I just said “that’s nice,” and ran away.” They all had to laugh at Ginny upon hearing that and she had no problem joining in. “I took a walk, had a talk with Draco and when I got home I fially told her that I love her too.” She looked so happy and at peace as she said it and it made Harry’s heart flutter with joy to see her so in love.

 

“I think we said it at the same time, didn’t we?” Ron asked Hermione who smiled at him.

 

“Yeah,” she said and Ron slung an arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer as he planted a kiss atop of her head. “That was a good day,” she mused.

 

“That’s not how I remember it,” Ron muttered and Hermione burst out laughing. Harry and Ginny gave them a questioning look.

 

“The thing was,” Hermione began once she managed to stop laughing. “For me, it just slipped out, quite naturally. Just, the moment was right and it felt like it was the right thing to say. Ron on the other hand...” She looked up at him, grinning and Ron sighed deeply and looked almost pained at the mere thought of that day. “Ron had apparently been pulling his hair out for weeks, thinking about how and when he should say it. So while it slipped out from me, calmly, Ron practically shouted it to my face.”

 

Ginnys snorted. “Of course you did,” while Harry was laughing so hard his stomach was cramping.

 

“I’ve never had someone tell me that in such an aggressive manner,” Hermione giggled and Ron pouted.

 

“Worst of all, she laughed me right in the face after that!” Ron said while shaking his head. “I’m never going to live that down am I?”

 

“Hell no!” Harry said, still laughing. “This is definitely something I’ll be bringing up on your wedding day.” At the mention of a wedding Ron and Hermione exchanged looks.

 

“Actually,” Hermione began and both Ginny and Harry’s eyes widened as Hermione held up her hands, showing of the ring.

 

“Oh my god!” Ginny squealed as she started jumping up and down before running up to Hermione and giving her a tight hug. Hermione laughed and once they let go of each other Ginny grabbed her hand and inspected the ring. “Holy Merlin, look at rock!” She whispered and Hermione giggled. Harry was smiling widely as he put his arm around Ron’s shoulders.

 

“So, you finally popped the question?” He said, looking at his friend with a proud expression.

 

“Actually,” Ron said with a smile. “Hermione did.”

 

“Way to be heteronormative,” Ginny teased and Harry stuck his tounge out at her. He let go of Ron and approched Hermione, giving her a soft kiss on the cheeks before pulling her in to a hug.

 

“Congratulations,” he said in a soft voice and Hermione held him tightly.

 

“Thanks,” she replied in a soft voice.

 

“You have to tell me all about it!” Ginny ordered, completely extatic.

 

They strarted talking in excited voices, but slowly Harry was zooming out as his eyes landed on the love of his life, who at the moment was talking to Pansy and Blaise. It had taken them some time, but eventually they did forgive Draco and wanted him back in their lives. It warmed Harry’s heart to see him this happy, as he had been heart-broken over the fact that he had let them leave. They meant so much to him, Harry could tell that, so it made him smile as he saw him smiling and laughing with his friends.

 

Draco recovering had been far from easy. For starters he had been down to a dangerous weight, so they had to start slowly. Feeding him only small portions at the time, most of it had been babyfood, as he had a hard time chewing and a bit hard to swollow as well, still, he had managed it quite well and Harry was so proud of him for that. Of course there had been relpases and there had been visits to the hospital a few times. Eventually he did get better, but the possibility of a relapse always hung over them like a dark cloud. Mentions of calories, weight and even exercise were forbidden in the company of Draco, Harry’s idea of course. The last thing he wanted was for Draco to go back to his old habits and spiral.

 

Then there was Harry himself. He started going back to a mind-healer, realisng that he needed to find better ways to cope with bad stuff happening and not turn to drinking the minute something seemed to fall apart. They went way, way back-talking about all of his childhood traumas and even though it was hard to talking about and even harder to look back on, it did seem to help him. He had taken a big step away from alcohol at this point and Draco, being the supportive and loving boyfriend he was, had done the same thing. It warmed his heart that he would do that fo him, but Draco kept saying it was the least he could do for Harry, for being there for him. Of course it had been hard. Being there for Draco while also having the biggest crush on him and not being able to be with him like that. He accepted it, of course, but that didn’t make things less painful. Of course, Harry did realise that Draco wasn’t the only one who had to work on himself on his own, Harry needed that too, so it was really for the best to wait until they were both stable enough to get in to a relationship. It had taken a while, but eventually Draco had approched him, telling him he was ready to at least try. Harry had to ask him several times if he was sure it was a good idea. He aboslutly wanted to as well, he just wanted to make sure Draco was truly ready and that their relationship wouldn’t go down in flames like his an Ginny’s had.

 

Obviously there were fights. Mostly about Draco’s relapses and his refusal to check in to a hospital. Harry could handle it though, the good times far exceeded the bad ones and it never got bad enough between them for them to end up breaking up. Harry needed and wanted Draco. Draco needed and wanted Harry. They both worked hard to make sure their relationsip wouldn't be like a something between a caretaker and their patient. Even if they were there to support each other, there was only so much they could do as individuals. They were only human, after all.

 

Aside from the psycological issus there were a lot of health problems for both of them, including Harry passing out as his liver had been quiet damaged at this point and Draco’s teeth was almost rotting away from binging. He often had a lot of stomach cramps after eating and it took a good while before his hands stopped being constanly blue, his fingernails to brittle and for his hair to thicken. But he eventually did get there. Harry was proud of him. He had come so far in such a short time. If Harry was to be honest, so had he. He worked through a lot of emotional issues and had accepted a lot of things about himself and about the people who were and used to be in his life. Even if it had been hard for the moment it felt good now. Easier in some ways, like he was able to finally move on and live his life like he wanted to.

 

Still, there were a still a lot of work to be done, between both him and Draco. Their realtionships for starterts. Harry really did love Draco, more than he ever thought possible. Draco was loyal, smart, qick-witted, he had no problem challenging Harry on a daily bases which was something he could truly appreciate, but more than that he was sweet, caring, funny and considerate. Still, the fact that he wasn’t willing or able to say those three words to Harry stung a bit. He knew it was hard for him, he hadn’t grown up with a family where expressing love was easy, but then again, neither had Harry. He did have the Weasley’s now, which had made in easier considering they had more than enough love in their home to go around for everyone. Teaching Draco to love and accept love was not a one-man-job, yet Harry was the one man who had to teach him just that. He knew Draco loved him, he had no doubt in his mind. If he could wait for him during his recovery, he could wait for him till he was comfortable enough to say it. Even if they had been together for two years.

 

He glanced over at Hermione and Ginny who were still talking about the wedding, this time Ron had joined in. They told her about their plans and Ginny listened with wide eyes and a beaming smile.

 

He was so proud of Ginny too. Many times had she been close to a relapse, but all those times she fought it. The biggest up hill battle for her had been when Draco was close to dying. Seeing him like that had been extremely tiggering and even though everyone, including Draco himself, had told her to take a step back from him, she had refused. But she was strong, stronger than ever and so much happier with Luna by her side. She had truly been the best for Ginny, she was down to earth and always managed to calm Ginny down and ground her when she felt like she was about turn back to her old habits. Obviously she wasn’t cured. There is no cure for eating disorders. It would always be a part of her life and it would be a constant fight. But she wasn’t alone. Her family might not be able to protect her from her own thoughts, but they could provide her with a safty-net when she fell.

 

They all hade safty-nets at this point and for once in his life Harry felt safe and happy. He wasn’t as worried about his loved ones because he knew they were strong and if they couldn’t push the boulder up the mountain, they had a lot of people who were willing to give them a hand. For once, Harry felt hopefull.

 

“Harry,” Ron said all of a sudden, causing Harry to snap out of his deep thought. He cleared his throat and looked at him.

 

“Yeah?”

 

Ron gave him a wide smile. “Obviously this is a no brainer, but still. Part of the fun is actually asking.”

 

Harry raised an eyebrow, almost, but not entirely sure about what was about to be said.

 

“Will you be my best man?” Ron held out his arms and Harry smiled at him, going in for a hug, patting him on back.

 

“Of course I will!” He replied once they let go of each other. “You sure you don’t want any of your brothers?”

 

Ron frowned at him. “Okay, first of all; you are my brother.” Harry almost felt like tearing up at that. “Second; No matter who I choose someone is bound to get a little bit bitter about it. But when it comes to you, they will understand.” Harry felt his eyes getting slightly wet and he immediately started rubbing his them aggressively with his thumb and middle finger.

 

“Merlin, Ron,” he said, trying to sound as stable as possible. “You can’t just say things like that.” Ron chuckled at him and gave his shoulder a squeeze. 

 

Hermione was smiling at them both and Ron put his arm around her waist, pulling her in for a kiss. Ginny and Harry exchanged looks and Harry walked over to her, putting his arms around her shoulders.

 

“Maid-of-honor?” He asked with a grin as Ginny nodded, sniffling as she wiped away from her eyes. “This is going to be the best Wedding in the world,” he announced and Ginny nodded. Harry slung an eye over his shoulder and saw Draco standing, leaning against the wall. He smiled and decided to approache him. Once there he leaned against the wall next to him, head titlted to the side to face Draco.

 

“Quite the turn out, right?” He looked over at Draco who seemed to fight down a smile.

 

“It’s not bad,” he said with a shrug and Harry snorted at him. “She did manage to get everyone together, that's...Thoughtful of her.” Harry hummed in agreement.

 

“She always does do everthing with love and care. That’s what makes Molly so fantastic.”

 

Draco seemed to agree as he gave a small smirk while nodding.

 

“Ron and Hermione are getting married,” Harry informed him and Draco turned to look at him with slighty wide eyes.

 

“Good for them,” Draco said with a nod and raised eyebrows.

 

“He asked me to be his best-man,” Harry said with a wide smile, heart swelling at the mere thought.

 

“Well that’s obvious, that they would choose you,”Draco said with a smile. Harry raised and eyebrow at him .“You are the chosen one after all.” Draco winked at him and Harry’s mouth fell open.

 

“Draco Malfoy! Was that a pun I heared?”

 

Draco leaned in closer. “Tell anyone and your ass is grass,” he whispered and Harry chuckled, taking the opportunity to give him a quick peck right below his mouth.

 

“Don’t worry,” he replied and a low voice. “Your secret’s safe with me.”

 

Draco gave him a smug grin as they pulled away, resuming the their original positions.

 

Draco Malfoy wasn’t good, but it wasn’t worse either. It had taken time but eventually he did learned to work everything new in to his life. Opening up to so many people, after having trying to distance himself from everyone. Worst of all was Harry. Draco felt like he deserved so much more from him. To able to actually talk and learn from each other. It was nice. But some times it did kick in, and Draco wanted to distance himself again. Nightmares still plagued him at night. Everything was far from perfect, but at least they still always managed. He was well aware of the fact that it hurt Harry that he still wasn’t ready to say it. Draco had opened his mouth on several occasions, meaning to say it, but unable to. Harry started doing the same thing, opening his mouth, ready to say it, but the minute it was about to be said, Draco found a way to get out of there. The fact that Granger and Weasley was getting married made Draco think. Maybe it was time for him to take a leap of faith. Merlin, he hated how sappy it made him sound, but at the same time, it felt true and logical.

 

Even if he didn’t have a completely stable path head of him, he knew he had a safty-net. But a safty-net can only do so much, so of course Draco had to put in the work. Actually fight and not turning to self-destructive behavoier when things got bad. Similary the same had to be done from Harry. Trying to work on his addictive personality and how to control it was an on going work for him. Still, he wanted to believe they were strong enough to stick through it.

 

He turned to Harry with a teasing smile.

 

“Who do you think would be next? Ginny and Luna or you and me?” Harry smirked at him.

 

“Guess that depends on when you will pop the first questions. It would  be weird to get married when you haven’t even said you-know-what, and the fact that I have to call it that -because it had made a few people misunderstan the context-is getting pretty tiring.”

 

Draco snorted but leaned in to his touch as Harry stretched out an arm and wrapped it around his shoulders.

 

“If it ever does happen,” Draco said after a while. “I’d like it be a small gathering with people and no fucking journalists or any of that crap.”

 

Harry let out a soft laugh. “Of course, I want that too. But good luck with that happening. We can try if we’re really quiet about it and just hope that no one else knows about it.”

 

Draco rasied an eyebrow at him, looking sceptical. "Do you seriously think it’s going to be that bad?”

 

Harry gave a small nod. “Pretty sure, yeah. I am the chosen one after all,” he gave Draco smug look. “Not a lot of people can say they beat Voldemort.” Draco knew he was just palying around, like he loved doing most of the time. He had understood that Harry didn’t like the fame at all quite quickly, but just how much he had never realised. It didn’t take long for Draco started to feel the same way.

 

"Well, not a lot of people can say that they hugged the Dark Lord, but it's not something I'd brag about." 

 

Harry laughed out loud and it didn't take long before Draco joined in.

 

Soon Molly announced that cake would be served and everyone made their way to the table. Draco had barley sat down before everyone were singing Happy Birthday on top of their lungs. Draco turned bright red and didn’t know where to turn or how to act. When it was finally over Draco had to check and make sure his ears still worked. No major damages he noted and oh Merlin’s toes, he was going to have to blow out the candles. Draco’s eyes widened at the sight of the flickering flame took him back to the Room of Requirement. His heart sped up, his breath hitched and his hands felt sweaty and cold. Harry immediately realised what was wrong and mumbled a wandless spell that made to flame die out in the blink of an eye. He immediately took Draco’s hand in his own and started clenching and unclenching it, reminidng Draco of where he was and taking him back to reality. It worked. He managed to calm down after a while, at this point everyone looked confused and worried. Draco couldn’t bring himself to care so he acted like nothing had happaned and carefully went on doing what he was doing.

 

Everyone seemed to enjoy himself, when Draco was hit by wave of emtions he didn’t quiet know what he was feeling. It was like...Sentimental? Was that the word?

 

Two years ago he never expected to be alive, even less recvoering and getting better. Yet here he was all of a sudden. With family and friends who all had become so important to him. For once he actually believe there was a future for him. It was thanks to them that he had manage to realize that every day would be worth fighting for.

 

While everyone was chattering away Harry was still holding Draco’s hand and held it thight, running his thumb of the soft skin. Draco leaned in and Harry leaned in too. Draco took a deep breath and tried to press out the right words.

 

“I don’t hate you,” he mumbled instead and he groaned at himself. But Harry just smiled at him and replied like he always did.

 

“I don’t hate you too,” he said in such a manner that made Draco damn both himself and all of Snow White’s seven dwarfs. He had really, really meant to say it this time. He choked a sigh and decided he was really going to work up the nerve to say it tonight.

 

Draco truly felt like tonight would be the night. He wanted to, he could only hope that this time, it came out right.

 

End Not: It did.

 

THE END.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was hard to write about. Thanks for reading. I love you all.<3
> 
> Personal Tumblr: http://actual-howlinglikeaseaturtle.tumblr.com/
> 
> Trashy fandom Tumblr: https://ultimatetrashgay.tumblr.com/


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